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Date & Time: after the kidnapping is over, around the beginning of october.
Location: Back in their apartment.
Characters: Tsuzuki Asato, Hisoka Kurosaki, possible Watari.
Summary: A late night, aftermath of the kidnapping. Tsuzuki and Hisoka has to talk some things over and find some way to calm down.
Warnings: May talk about depressing things, so PG-13.

Even thought the apartment was cozy and warm most of the time, Tsuzuki had noticed that when night fell, it usually became a lot colder. That was why they had gotten an extra blanket strewn over the couch. It was also that blanket he wrapped around himself as he tried to get comfortable. After the failed rescue attempt, he had difficulties falling asleep.

There had been nukes, he had heard. It seemed like no one had learned the lesson after the first time they used them. Perhaps none of them had been there to see the results, the shadows burned into the ground where people had stood. Tsuzuki couldn't abide with the use of that kind of bombs, not even on enemies. And then there had been Hisoka's kidnapping. That had been a tough way to learn how vulnerable they both were. If their enemies wanted to, Hisoka and Tsuzuki didn't have a chance to fight back. The anxiety rose in his chest whenever he thought about how quickly Hisoka had been taken, and how slowly he had healed. This place was a lot more dangerous than home, and they needed to be aware of that.

Hearing the soft padding of feet behind him, he turned to see who was awake a this hour. It was far too late to be walking around. "You can't sleep, either?"

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Hisoka often found it hard to sleep. With Tsuzuki this is less common, for him to make his way to the lounge and find his partner on the couch also having trouble. So he makes his way over with a nod in answer to the question, but not delving into the details. It's often enough that Tsuzuki is usually able to gather the reasons, mostly nightmares. More recently, he was dwelling on the kidnapping, hating how easy it had been for Fenris to take him like that. Upon reflection, he figures it would be best to keep some sort of weapon on him when he was out.

He joins the older shinigami on the couch, picking up only a vague unease from him since he's not deliberately intruding on his partner with his empathy.

"What about you? You're not usually the one coming out here unable to sleep like this."

That and if anything when either have trouble sleeping, they usually end up curling up in the others bed with them. Not coming out to the lounge. So he figures this is not the usual nightmares or insecurities troubling Tsuzuki.

He adjusts the blanket, making sure his partner gets at least half of it. Tsuzuki doesn't want him to be cold. It's good to have someone around that understands why he can't sleep. It makes him feel like they're in it together, that he's not as alone as he fears.

"I thought a cup of tea would help," Tsuzuki answers with a half-shrug. The fact that he hadn't actually gotten to heat any water for tea yet is telling. He looks to Hisoka, his purple eyes affectionate but troubled.

"Are you okay?"

Hisoka curls up into a bit more of a ball when given some blanket, wrapping it around him a bit and savoring the warmth. He decides not to comment on the lack of boiling jug or anything remotely resembling Tsuzuki getting tea ready. Tsuzuki would talk in his own time.

"I'm fine. Just trouble sleeping. Nothing different from usual." Meaning it was a nightmare that woke him and he came out for a drink of water and found his partner here instead. He shrugs a little, looking to Tsuzuki for a moment almost expectantly, searching though not wanting to probe unless his partner allows it.

As Hisoka gets comfortable, Tsuzuki inches closer to wrap an arm around the back of the couch. That way he is nearly wrapping his arms around his small partner's shoulders, without imposing on him too much. He knows he shouldn't need him that much, but after they began to share a bed to fight the nightmares, holding him close feels as natural as breathing.

"I know how that feels," he murmurs, unused to talking about it. Normally they just snuggle up in silence, as if the words would shatter the moment. Tsuzuki gives him an easy smile, trying to show him that he's glad that he came over to sit. "I'm having trouble sleeping, too."

Hisoka doesn't seem to mind when Tsuzuki wraps an arm around the couch, almost leaning into it a little as he shifts and gets a bit more comfortable. Normally they would just curl up together in silence and avoid actually talking about the nightmares, but this time something really did seem strange in that Tsuzuki had come out here rather than coming to Hisoka's bedroom.

"I can see that. Did you want to talk about it?" The question is hesitant, giving Tsuzuki the choice whether to talk or not rather than having Hisoka just impose on him through his empathy on purpose. He understands if Tsuzuki would rather not, but the offer is there regardless.

If it's up to Tsuzuki, they would huddle up together and fall asleep like usual. Sensing that his partner isn't opposed to the proximity for once, he wraps his arm around Hisoka's shoulders to hug him close.

Even if he's not good at opening up, he still appreciates being asked. The feeling of gratitude flows from him before he can even think about it. Hisoka is kind. The only thing that makes him hesitant is his constant worry that he's becoming a burden somehow. Looking down, he breathes out slowly, some of the tension leaving his body.

"It's just... a lot of things have happened lately."

"I know. The kidnappings, the bombings....."

It really has been kind of chaotic around Exsilium and all lately. But that's to be expected when they are involved in a war and all. Hisoka senses his vague worry, though not necessarily pinpointing it, or if he does he doesn't bring it up. He tries not to, knowing it might make others uncomfortable around him with his empathy like that. It's a rare moment of almost contentment of sorts in their physical contact. Something Hisoka doesn't really acknowledge or seek from anyone else.

"I guess things are kind of heating up a bit more with the war and everything. Which I kind of expected. Things are only going to keep escalating until either side wins."

Tsuzuki's contentment is easily noticeable in the gentle way he holds him. It's as if Hisoka is precious to him, and he's scared of hurting him. It's not be too far from the truth. The fact that Hisoka isn't angry with him for needing the contact makes Tsuzuki less guarded with him.

But then his anxiety spikes at the mention of war. Lowering his voice to a whisper, he hopes Hisoka understands where he is coming from.

"I hate wars. We shouldn't be a part of it, Hisoka. It's not our place--"

Hisoka senses that, amplified by the physical contact. If he's truthful, it's basically mutual. Tsuzuki has become more important to him the longer they spent as partners and the better they get to know each other. In a way, it's almost sort of soothing, in Hisoka's sleepy state.

"I know. But it doesn't seem like we have much choice. Even if we don't actively help, we're still involved and affected by all this anyway. I'd rather we had nothing to do with it and were back home myself."

His own voice is quieter as he sighs and lowers his gaze, feeling the anxiety spike but not sure what to say to calm his partner. He doesn't want to lie, to sugar coat things and reassure him with false promises that it would be fine. Because that is not fair and Hisoka never sugar coats thing, preferring the truth, even if he might be blunt at times about it.

"Me too."

While he isn't consciously aware of projecting his own anxious feelings, he does notice the way Hisoka tenses in his arms. Apologetically, he strokes his fingers through the hair at the bottom on Hisoka's head, where his neck met his skull. Tsuzuki feels comforted when others play with his hair, which is why he so often played with Hisoka's.

"Maybe there's some way we can help, without... hurting people. Maybe there's a way we can show them how to find peace," he says quietly, knowing that such thoughts are nearly impossible to turn into action. That doesn't stop him from hoping, however.

"You don't think alternatives would have been attempted before Exsilium got desperate enough to pull us all here to help?"

At least, that is how Hisoka figures it, that they surely would have tried other methods regarding a more diplomatic approach before fighting against the United Earth. He relaxes a little more at the touch, the feel of his partner running his fingers through Hisoka's hair. He knows he's always been the more realist one out of the two of them. Tsuzuki was much more of an idealist, a bleeding heart as it were.

"I'm sure they would have tried other ways before resorting to this. I doubt you would be the first to bring up that idea out of all the people they have pulled in and gotten involved in this."

Maybe, maybe not. In Tsuzuki's experience, the longer the fighting continues, the more important it is to stress that peace is an option. It is when they are fighting at their worst that they needs that solution the most. With his partner relaxing in his arms, Tsuzuki in turn gets more comfortable on the couch. They don't need a bed when they have something this soft to rest on.

"They probably did."

He shifts once more, blinking sleepily. Since it's late, his mental capacities aren't really up to talking about war strategies. Tsuzuki is quiet for a moment.

"...It was scary, when you weren't able to heal as fast as usual."

Edited 2013-10-01 08:21 (UTC)

Of course, Hisoka is so much younger, he's never had any first hand experience with war the same way Tsuzuki has, before coming here and getting involved. He's read some about previous wars and strategies, but that is not quite the same as having that first hand experience and knowledge.

"I suppose if you really wanted, you could bring up the idea. But I wouldn't be surprised if people were against it, is all."

Hisoka doesn't want to completely bum his partner out, especially when they were comfortable, and in a rare moment, he doesn't particularly mind the physical contact. Possibly because they are both sleepy, they don't have the energy for too much.

"....It's something we might need to keep in mind if we go back to the United Earth again. If we are more prepared, we might figure some way around it....."

But then, he can't help thinking about Tsuzuki's worry on the war. Knowing roughly how old his partner really is despite his youthful appearance. He guesses from that, and his partner's being in charge of one of the affected cities of Japan around the end of the second world war that Tsuzuki could well have had to have dealt with that aftermath.

"Tsuzuki.....are you worried, about the nukes?"

Trust Hisoka to not be fooled by the pleasantries, going straight to the heart of the problem. Tsuzuki can't help but feel exposed and vulnerable, since he got no warning that it was the nukes that Hisoka wanted to talk about. Although he tries not to show his feelings, he accidentally stops petting Hisoka's hair.

The darkness in the room makes it easier for him not to shy away from the problem. It's much easier when he doesn't actually have to look into Hisoka's eyes, to see the judgement that is surely there. After a heavy silence, he replies.

"...Yes." His voice sounds defeated, somehow. Although he doesn't say much, the weigh of the admission weighs heavily on his heart, because he remembers the stories the deceased told him after it happened in Nagasaki. "I don't think they are a good idea."

Even without his empathy, Hisoka has come to know Tsuzuki so well he doesn't usually even need it to know or at least guess what might be affecting his partner's mood at any given time. He notes the pausing in the hair petting but isn't about to complain about it. More important is that Tsuzuki hopefully gets some of this out in the open so he can recover.

"I don't see how anyone can see this as a good idea. Surely they know what the consequences are here for using them, how damaging they are. Yet they used them anyway....But I don't suppose talking to them would dissuade them. I just hope we don't use a nuke on the United Earth in retaliation for all this."

He pauses for a moment before shifting, looking to Tsuzuki.

"It's not your fault. We couldn't have known they'd use nukes. And now they have, we aren't shinigami here. You don't have to worry about dealing with all that again."

At least, not quite the same way. Though Hisoka knows his partner would likely still feel terrible about it. He wants to at least try to reassure him, even if this might not be successful.

Tsuzuki feels caught by that gaze, and for some reason he doesn't want to look away.

"They can't. It will make us as bad as them." he says, feeling lost and tense. He hasn't wanted to talk about this, although it kept him awake. Now all kinds of emotions are bubbling up against his will, the guilt leading the way. Even if Hisoka says it's not his fault, Tsuzuki feels a responsibility for the damage that can be done to innocents.

At least talking about it makes the burden lighter, because it makes Tsuzuki aware that he's not alone. To know that Hisoka is there and offering his support means so much to him. "I wish there was some way to keep people from getting hurt. It feels like I ought to do something."

Hisoka tries to soothe the guilt and lost feelings as best he can, though he knows he is probably not the best person to be attempting to help with this. He's not sure he can completely take away his partner's guilt and lingering feelings from Nagasaki, but he wants to at least try. And he knows Tsuzuki can bottle things up.

"I know. I don't want the Initiative to resort to nukes either, if they have that kind of weaponry. I know you want to try to protect everyone, but it's not always possible."

He tries to be comforting in his own realistic way, though he knows Tsuzuki probably feels much more deeply about the whole situation than he does.

Tsuzuki knows that he can't protect everyone. It's simply not possible. But he can protect Hisoka, and that thought sticks in his mind, easy to pick up for his empathic partner. Tsuzuki feels guilty for that thought too, because he knows Hisoka can take care of himself. It's simply one of those thoughts that pop up when he knows that he needs to think about the people he cares about. If a bomb were to go off, he would have wanted to know that Hisoka was safe before he runs off to help others.

He sighs, stroking Hisoka's hair away from his face before cupping his cheek. Hisoka is kind, for staying and for listening to him. Tsuzuki's heart communicates that easily, without even having to say his thoughts out loud.

Hisoka can't help but feel almost a tad annoyed at Tsuzuki's instinct to protect him, when he wants to be the one to protect his partner. Still, he can appreicate the sentiment even if he wants to for once protect Tsuzuki instead of it being the other way around. Sure, he had helped in Kyoto, but if he had managed to sort things out sooner it would and should never have gotten to that point. But he knows if something were to happen, the fist thing, the first priority would be ensuring Tsuzuki was okay.

There's a sharper intake a breath as Tsuzuki cups his cheek, almost looking confused for a second as he feels the gratitude from his partner at the touch.

"Well, I couldn't just ignore you sitting out here this late on your own." he retorts, not wanting to make a big deal about it even as his cheeks tinge slightly at Tsuzuki cupping his cheek.

"Thank you." Tsuzuki looks down, a big smile on his face. He truly appreciates when Hisoka reacts with a blush, like it's a reward of some kind. However, he doesn't want the moment to be ruined by awkwardness, so he removes his hand from his cheek, running his fingers through Hisoka's hair one final time instead.

"I like it when you sit with me. You should do it more often."

"Well, I can't know just how often you end up here in the middle of the night like this."

Hisoka can sometimes pick up on things while asleep, but only if they are fairly strong. He doesn't actively seek to track his partner's every single move, even if there are times where he might unintentionally pick up something from Tsuzuki and can track him at will. It's true though, that they don't get many moments like this. Awake and content for the time being. Some small reprieve, however brief.

"But I suppose this isn't so bad."

Given the tolerance he has been slowly building up with regards to his partner and physical contact. And how much he was slowly beginning to open up more over time as well. Something this simple could never have been possible just a year ago. Though it isn't something Hisoka really notices or considers himself, the process being so gradual and almost instinctive that he doesn't notice the changes until they are blatant.

The tolerance Hisoka has grown for him meant so much to Tsuzuki. It essentially makes him feel like he's allowed to be human, in a way. He doesn't want to lose it or Hisoka's approval. "Want us to sleep out here? It's warm as long as we have the blankets."

The downside would be that Watari would see them once he woke up. That's why Tsuzuki is giving Hisoka the option of returning to bed, although he's very comfortable snuggling close to him on the couch.

The suggestion is worth at least considering. Hisoka is comfortable enough as they are now. The question was would this remain so during the night and would it be worth it knowing that Watari could encounter them snoozing on the couch together like this. Of course, the scientist probably had already noticed at least once or twice when they both came out of one or the other's bedrooms in the morning if Hisoka did somehow sleep in and wasn't up early as usual.

"Hm. This is fine. I'm too tired to head back to bed anyway."

Tsuzuki relaxes at the idea. He doesn't want to get up from the couch, so when Hisoka agrees he's almost certain his partner is staying for his benefit. Tsuzuki wraps the blanket a little better around them, resting his forehead against Hisoka's.

"Me too. It's been a rough couple of days, huh?"

His voice is again turning much quieter, since he doesn't want to disturb their moment. Watari may know that something's up, but as long a Hisoka isn't angry or worried about it, Tsuzuki isn't going to mind much. He'd only mind it if Hisoka became flustered. After all, his partner appreciates his privacy.

There's a soft sigh when Tsuzuki wraps the blanket over them more securely, as Hisoka is grateful for the warmth. Resting their foreheads together isn't anything new, a small habit and affection of sorts since Hisoka convinced Tsuzuki he is human. He shifts a little more to get comfortable, resting contently against his partner under the blanket.

"I think that would be an understatement. But yes. Hopefully we get a bit more of a reprieve before anything else happens."

Which he is doubtful on, but still hopeful, even with Watari in their midst with his crazy experiments.

When Hisoka first had touched his forehead to Tsuzuki's and given his partner something to believe in, he didn't just do that. He gave him a home, and ironically some safety that he's more than willing to share. When Tsuzuki feels whole, the feelings translate into comfort and sleepy affection and a light and pleasant hope that he can't suppress. Hisoka is the center of that. Even at times when he doesn't try to make it obvious, his emotions speak clearly enough. He sighs against Hisoka's hair, wrapping his arms safely around him so they can sleep.

"And maybe we can find a little shop to eat dinners in, too. And desserts."

It makes him happy to have Hisoka near and safe, and Watari close by and out of trouble. Even if he doesn't have his shikigami, a small part of his family is still safe.

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