skyler white (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
launderer) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
exsiliumlogs2013-10-16 09:50 pm
launderer) wrote in exsiliumlogs2013-10-16 09:50 pm
( closed ) And I'm a goddamn fool, but then again so are you
Date & Time: During the week
Location: General common areas
Characters: Skyler, Jesse, Saul, Mike, Steph, and Tobias Beecher
Summary: Sky's trying to process things
Warnings: None? Will update if needed.
[She actually likes how busy she's making herself. It makes her feel useful, and the people here could use it. Not the Initiative. But the people that are just as stranded here as she is, the kids taken from their parents or the people they had. She doesn't like that thought, something tugging too close to the feelings she's pushed away about Holly.
Even mentioning that she has children is like a stab in the heart. Taking a break late at night, Sky has one vice to lean on. She's not sure when she'll get another pack of cigarettes. It was the one in her purse when she arrived. She's careful of the whole oxygen thing here, and it's only ever one. But dear God, does it feel good.
The first inhale already had her nerves relaxing. Holding the small stick between her fingers, her eyes close for a brief moment, and she can forget she's on the moon. She can forget this place. Of course there's enough on her mind. There's a weight on her chest, and each day she knows she's pushing it off.
But there are things, things that remind her during the day. When people call her Ms. or Mrs. White, when people ask about her husband, when people talk about her family. It's still crumbling back home, and when it's quiet like this, she can remember each moment of the attack straight up until when Walt grab Holly. She has to tear her eyes open.
She has to be safe. For all his insistence on family, she prays that he would still remember that Holly is his daughter as well. Whatever she's done-- and whoever she is to him now, Holly is just a baby.
But that is like a sinking feeling in her stomach, not because she would ever want to take the bastard back, but after the emotional manipulation and the hell she's gone through that this is it. This is how it ends. This is where it is for her, and there's nothing she can do from here. There's no way to know how it plays out except that it just does.
It's also freeing though. She isn't tied to Walt here. She isn't forced to play into his games. She is helping with the clinic and trying to help the children, because it's genuinely what she wants. As much as it keeps her busy, it's something pure, and it's something she can do. In some small, small way. It's hope. She still has something good in her life as much as she can feel the bitterness in her heart.]
Location: General common areas
Characters: Skyler, Jesse, Saul, Mike, Steph, and Tobias Beecher
Summary: Sky's trying to process things
Warnings: None? Will update if needed.
[She actually likes how busy she's making herself. It makes her feel useful, and the people here could use it. Not the Initiative. But the people that are just as stranded here as she is, the kids taken from their parents or the people they had. She doesn't like that thought, something tugging too close to the feelings she's pushed away about Holly.
Even mentioning that she has children is like a stab in the heart. Taking a break late at night, Sky has one vice to lean on. She's not sure when she'll get another pack of cigarettes. It was the one in her purse when she arrived. She's careful of the whole oxygen thing here, and it's only ever one. But dear God, does it feel good.
The first inhale already had her nerves relaxing. Holding the small stick between her fingers, her eyes close for a brief moment, and she can forget she's on the moon. She can forget this place. Of course there's enough on her mind. There's a weight on her chest, and each day she knows she's pushing it off.
But there are things, things that remind her during the day. When people call her Ms. or Mrs. White, when people ask about her husband, when people talk about her family. It's still crumbling back home, and when it's quiet like this, she can remember each moment of the attack straight up until when Walt grab Holly. She has to tear her eyes open.
She has to be safe. For all his insistence on family, she prays that he would still remember that Holly is his daughter as well. Whatever she's done-- and whoever she is to him now, Holly is just a baby.
But that is like a sinking feeling in her stomach, not because she would ever want to take the bastard back, but after the emotional manipulation and the hell she's gone through that this is it. This is how it ends. This is where it is for her, and there's nothing she can do from here. There's no way to know how it plays out except that it just does.
It's also freeing though. She isn't tied to Walt here. She isn't forced to play into his games. She is helping with the clinic and trying to help the children, because it's genuinely what she wants. As much as it keeps her busy, it's something pure, and it's something she can do. In some small, small way. It's hope. She still has something good in her life as much as she can feel the bitterness in her heart.]
no subject
no subject
[Her tone is wry and sad, the question mostly rhetorical, and maybe that's revealing that she knows more than she should, about Skyler.]
no subject
Before my husband got sick.
no subject
I'm sorry.
[She means that, although it's for what came after the cancer, than the sickness itself.]
I know none of this is easy when you don't come from a world without all this sorta shit, but it's not impossible to learn to adapt. Especially not if you're strong.
[And she thinks Skyler is.]
no subject
Sometimes that's the problem.
no subject
She looks down at the bag in her lap.]
Sorry.
[For everything that's happened, or maybe for just trying to help and failing so miserably, but she doesn't give Skyler a proper chance to respond, before continuing:]
I got you a laptop. And some decent coffee.
no subject
It's fine. [It's just another thing she has to deal with.]
Thanks, though. It will really help to have something to keep data on.