( closed ) And I'm a goddamn fool, but then again so are you

[launderer]

Date & Time: During the week
Location: General common areas
Characters: Skyler, Jesse, Saul, Mike, Steph, and Tobias Beecher
Summary: Sky's trying to process things
Warnings: None? Will update if needed.

[She actually likes how busy she's making herself. It makes her feel useful, and the people here could use it. Not the Initiative. But the people that are just as stranded here as she is, the kids taken from their parents or the people they had. She doesn't like that thought, something tugging too close to the feelings she's pushed away about Holly.

Even mentioning that she has children is like a stab in the heart. Taking a break late at night, Sky has one vice to lean on. She's not sure when she'll get another pack of cigarettes. It was the one in her purse when she arrived. She's careful of the whole oxygen thing here, and it's only ever one. But dear God, does it feel good.

The first inhale already had her nerves relaxing. Holding the small stick between her fingers, her eyes close for a brief moment, and she can forget she's on the moon. She can forget this place. Of course there's enough on her mind. There's a weight on her chest, and each day she knows she's pushing it off.

But there are things, things that remind her during the day. When people call her Ms. or Mrs. White, when people ask about her husband, when people talk about her family. It's still crumbling back home, and when it's quiet like this, she can remember each moment of the attack straight up until when Walt grab Holly. She has to tear her eyes open.

She has to be safe. For all his insistence on family, she prays that he would still remember that Holly is his daughter as well. Whatever she's done-- and whoever she is to him now, Holly is just a baby.

But that is like a sinking feeling in her stomach, not because she would ever want to take the bastard back, but after the emotional manipulation and the hell she's gone through that this is it. This is how it ends. This is where it is for her, and there's nothing she can do from here. There's no way to know how it plays out except that it just does.

It's also freeing though. She isn't tied to Walt here. She isn't forced to play into his games. She is helping with the clinic and trying to help the children, because it's genuinely what she wants. As much as it keeps her busy, it's something pure, and it's something she can do. In some small, small way. It's hope. She still has something good in her life as much as she can feel the bitterness in her heart.]

Comments

[hostage]

[Jesse's kept a respectful distance but he hasn't been a stranger. Keeping an eye on Mrs. White is one of his main responsibilities now. But even though she's been inexplicably kind to him since she arrived, he doesn't want to wear out his welcome. When he checks on her, it's always under the pretense that it's coincidental, that he was just doing something else and happened to run into her. Usually that means coming by the clinic to take inventory and see what medicines are running low.

Today, however, it really is coincidental. And he finds her smoking, no less. He's not sure if it's a private moment or not, but he's already so close when he notices her that it'd be weird for him to back out and walk away now. So he announces his presence to avoid startling her:]

Hey, Mrs. White.

[launderer]

[She's leaning back, mostly lost in her own thoughts. It takes a moment to even register the voice before she blinks and the moment of recognition passes over her. Sky is pretty sure he's been checking in on her, but she hasn't seen it as a nuisance. It's kind actually. There's a lot to take in, and she already feels like she's on shaky ground. She knows too well how to keep it together though (until it's too late and she's just yelling 'shut up').

Her smiles is small, but it spreads. Moving over, her body language invites him to sit if he wants.]

You can call me Skyler, Jesse. I was never your teacher. [Though it's not said as a correction. It's said as a way to relate to him, that she doesn't consider them anything but equals.]

[hostage]

[Jesse takes it as a correction, anyway. They aren't equals. It's inconceivable to him that anyone would see him that way. More likely, she doesn't want the association with Mr. White. And who can blame her?]

S-Sorry.

[He'll join Skyler for as long as she wants him there. Jesse gives her a tentative smile in return, taking a seat beside her - though he leaves some space between them, the way he thinks she wants.]

It's like old habits, you know? Skyler. That's a really nice name.

[launderer]

[That is a very large part of it. It's still a reminder that she's tied to him, even if their marriage is completely shattered. But they don't have the same association as he and Walt did, and things have completely changed anyway.

She doesn't say anything when he apologizes, but she brushes it off with a shake of her head as if to say, 'don't worry about it'.]

I understand. And thanks. I just don't want you to think that you have to associate me with him-- or really, I don't know if I'm actually a Mrs. anything.

[hostage]

[It's not as if Jesse's going to forget she's - or she was - Mr. White's wife. The association's already there. But he absolutely understands why she would want to forget. He wishes her all the luck in the world with that. If things were bad for him, as little as he had to see Walter White in those final months, he can only imagine what it must have been like to be married to the guy.]

You know... if he ever shows up here, we won't let him get near you. If you don't want. We're all looking out for you.

[He says "we" but he really means "me". He can only guess at the intentions of the others.]

[launderer]

[If only she could forget. Too many times she closes her eyes, and she can't unsee him. Right now though there's some comfort in not being alone, even if this is the topic they're choosing to talk about. She's mostly numb and just plain tired.]

I know. I've talked to Saul. And Mike-- I told Mike what happened, what Walt did. [And she's honestly surprised to see Saul willing to stand up to him, but then Skyler and Jesse's first encounter showed her just what Walt had done to Jesse, too.]

Saul said he was here before.

[hostage]

[Jesse nods, averting his eyes for a moment. He feels guilty. He knows it doesn't make sense with how things seem to work here, but he can't help but feel... if he'd just gone ahead and done it and killed Mr. White, then maybe some of what happened in the future wouldn't have happened at all.]

He was. For a long time. Months.

I figured, if I just did everything he told me, he wouldn't make any trouble. And it worked, you know? He was quiet. But it was just me and Saul back then. We got other ways to deal with it now. So you don't gotta worry.

[launderer]

[She's quiet for a moment before she butts the end of the cigarette, taking that in. It isn't the idea of Walt's death that she objects to, if that is his underlying meaning. The idea of him dying was once painful, but she's gone through it, all the cancer news and all the lies and all the emotional manipulation. She's indifferent to thought of him dying right now, so long as Holly isn't there to watch.

She just doesn't want Jesse to become like him. From what she sees he's actually a good guy. She even told Mike as much. He's not what he seems. So after a pause, she stops and looks him in the eye.]

Do what you have to, Jesse, but don't become him. [She doesn't mean she thinks he wants to take over the drug empire. Sky just doesn't want Walt to completely destroy another person, even if he's already done a number on Jesse as it is.]

[bitcher]

[the smell of cigarette smoke, maybe oddly, immediately makes Tobias homesick. Not for Oz, although that's where the sensory memory is coming from, but for the sheer sense of familiarity. Any familiarity. Of knowing where he is and who's waiting for him or thinking about him or, in some cases, plotting his death. Just feeling.... connected. More than a week here already and Tobias still feels unmoored, floating and useless.

And missing his kids, of course. Terribly.

Missing Keller.

But that's a whole 'nother Feelings Well that he doesn't feel like falling down right now, so instead he's going to direct his attention towards the smoke trail and who he finds at the end of it.

Tobias almost smiles, pleasantly surprised. He remembers her.] Hey. Skyler, wasn't it?

[launderer]

[She's mostly enjoying the cigarette right now, though her thoughts stray a little darker when she's still for too long. However the voice pulls at her thoughts until she's blinking up at him. Recognition dawns fairly quickly and she smiles back.]

It is, though I never caught your name.

shows up two hours late with starbucks

[controlledvariable]

[She's already made her first delivery of gifts to Jesse and Ellie, so she gathers up the next lot and heads off to look for the recipients. Skyler is higher up on the list because Steph figures she'll be easy to find, even though it's starting to get later into the night, Skyler seems to spend a fair bit of time at the clinic.

Which is something Steph can understand, needing to keep busy. And it's a good sign that Skyler is capable of it, instead of shutting down like her mom did (she tries not to think about it).

When she gets to the clinic, someone points her in the direction that Skyler went, and Steph is quick to make her way down the hall. It takes a conscious effort to have audible footsteps, but she puts the effort in to avoid sneaking up on Skyler.

Somehow, she's not surprised to see the cigarette.]

Skyler, hi?

as long as there is coffee, I am in!

[launderer]

[It's the steps that alert her that someone is near. Sky's almost done with the cigarette, and as tired as she is, she still gives the younger woman a small smile.]

Hey, Steph. [Her response is weak at best, but it's genuine.]

Back already?

there is always coffee

[controlledvariable]

[She's still in her purple dress, and there's a bag over her shoulder, but she takes up a casual lean against the wall. There's something she wants to talk to Skyler about, along with handing over the laptop.]

Yeah, we were back there for a week, but it was only a couple days on this end. [Which is a bit weird if she thinks about it, but she's glad she wasn't gone too long.] Didn't miss me too much, I hope?

[Her smile is easy and playful, but there's warmth in it. She knows none of this is easy for people, and she tries to stay light and in good spirits to help lift up everyone else's mood.]

I am a fan then~

[launderer]

[She moves back in case Steph wants to sit next to her. Even when she's stressed, she's at least courteous.]

Time is weird all over, I guess. [It's like some weird comic or sci-fi show. Not what she's used to.]

ty ty

[controlledvariable]

[Steph takes a seat, setting her bag on her lap and folding her arms over it.]

You get used to it. I didn't have to deal with much time travel stuff back home, but I was familiar with it. [Tim's best friends, Bruce going back in time, Zero Hour.] It's gotten easier the longer I've been here.

[launderer]

That's what people keep telling me. Things get easier here. [But it isn't. She just keeps herself busy so she doesn't think about it.]

[controlledvariable]

Things get easier everywhere. [Her smile is gentle, if rueful.] If nothing else, humans are great at adapting.

[And she might not know all the details, about Skyler's life in the last couple of years, but she's sure there's been a hell of a lot of adapting going on.]

[launderer]

Doesn't mean we want to. [But the have to? That she gets.]

[5055034455]

[And there is Saul, holding a pair of bags loaded down with school supplies.

Should he be able to carry something so heavy so easily?

There's nothing in his expression that suggests he expected to find her here, but there's nothing to suggest he spent too much time looking, either.

He sets the bags down with a disapproving click of his tongue.]

Those things'll kill ya, Skyler. You know our resurrection tech is down at the moment, right?

[launderer]

[Of all the things to complain about. She gives Saul a half roll of her eyes, slightly annoyed but not any real amount. She was actually glad to see him back-- and apparently with a lot of the things she had wanted. That definitely earned him brownie points.]

It's the least of my worries, Saul.

[5055034455]

[Achievement unlocked.

He's still going to wrinkle his nose, though.]

Well, y'know, there's also the fact that we're all breathing recycled air...

[launderer]

[Her smile is terse, but it isn't unfriendly.]

So I've been told. Oxygen levels on the moon and all. [She ashes the cigarette without taking her eyes off him.]

[5055034455]

Yeah. And all.

[And now he'll narrow his eyes, if she's not getting the hint.]

C'mon. A little consideration, please?

[launderer]

[She sighs and butts it. Continue, Saul.]

[5055034455]

Thank you. Anyway, so — here. Pretty much everything you asked for.

[He gestures to the bag.]

Sans the nicotine patches, apparently, but I think the clinic has some available.

[Hint, hint.]