sᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀ BLUE (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
firstroar) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
exsiliumlogs2013-10-26 12:35 am
firstroar) wrote in exsiliumlogs2013-10-26 12:35 am
otherwise we might have ourselves
Date & Time: 10/...something. 10/22? SURE
Location: observatorium emporium
Characters: Collette, Blue
Summary: there'll be no Peter Panning out of these windows :( oh well let's wax quasi-philosophical
Warnings: perhaps more than quasi-philosophical; blue is in this post
Blue spent many years with the word soldier tacked onto his name. It seemed barely a moment had passed before giving it up, and the world had changed so much (into a whole other world, actually) and not-so-suddenly soldier found itself creeping back into what was to him the value of his life.
And for someone who made it a point to remove himself from as many matters of concern as he could without becoming outright blind to his own situation, he was certainly reflecting far too much on himself to feel at all right. Mortality was never too far from his mind no matter the topic, of course, but the more he lingered on his own state of affairs, the less capable he felt in determining the safety and future of others.
Or...past, as it were. The questions he still had about this whole time-travel business made it much more a migraine. It had knit his forehead, reflecting a mildly vexed look back at him as he stood, facing the window and the empty moonscape. Something a number of people did and have done in this short period of time far from the earth.
But what else could he do? That was what he had begun pondering on in the first place. Going over the thoughts in his head once more only made his heart race faster, as each possible threat or success came to mind. It wasn't a foreign feeling, that. And that, at least, was some consolation that he still had a means to try and help.
He certainly hoped so.
Location: observatorium emporium
Characters: Collette, Blue
Summary: there'll be no Peter Panning out of these windows :( oh well let's wax quasi-philosophical
Warnings: perhaps more than quasi-philosophical; blue is in this post
Blue spent many years with the word soldier tacked onto his name. It seemed barely a moment had passed before giving it up, and the world had changed so much (into a whole other world, actually) and not-so-suddenly soldier found itself creeping back into what was to him the value of his life.
And for someone who made it a point to remove himself from as many matters of concern as he could without becoming outright blind to his own situation, he was certainly reflecting far too much on himself to feel at all right. Mortality was never too far from his mind no matter the topic, of course, but the more he lingered on his own state of affairs, the less capable he felt in determining the safety and future of others.
Or...past, as it were. The questions he still had about this whole time-travel business made it much more a migraine. It had knit his forehead, reflecting a mildly vexed look back at him as he stood, facing the window and the empty moonscape. Something a number of people did and have done in this short period of time far from the earth.
But what else could he do? That was what he had begun pondering on in the first place. Going over the thoughts in his head once more only made his heart race faster, as each possible threat or success came to mind. It wasn't a foreign feeling, that. And that, at least, was some consolation that he still had a means to try and help.
He certainly hoped so.
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Rolling her way back from the cafeteria, Collette knew her own fair share of thoughts on circumstances. She didn't like leaving Caesar alone for long stretches, but then again, he was rarely alone, was he? Lenalee, Oz, his own roommates and friends weren't going to abandon him right now. Lenalee was... Lenalee. Being tied up in Caesar's own self-blinding made guilt weave into the other girl like some insidious, autocannibalistic snake. It grew only to eat itself, only to grow, to eat itself some more.
It must be a terrible thing, to grow up taught you're the weapon needed to fight off forces more absorbing and unstoppable than yourself. Even being thrust into the heart of a catch 22 in her teen years had been enough of a messy, slippery slope.
She shakes off these thoughts, holding to the upbeat belief that Caesar will see again, sooner or later. If not today, maybe tomorrow. If not tomorrow, next week. If not next week, next month. If not next month, before the end of the year. She can be the loyal one who doesn't leave him behind because his own pride and sensibility (neither one honestly lacking) meant he didn't want people to know. She understood not wanting people to know, to take advantage, or to misconstrue... even pity. Of the many emotions people placed on others, pity was one of the hardest to bear.
Collette looked up from her thoughts, finding she'd paused in the observatory floor, hands tight on her wheelrims. He'll be fine. She belied that with all her heart. It was hard watching him in the meantime. Hard watching someone adapt to a different way of living, because it's been long enough since she'd seen it on a day to day basis.
She recognized Blue when her eyes slid over him, looking toward the windows out on a bleak landscape. Realization took longer to sink in -- she had to shake her head and smile, amused at herself. "Hey, Blue!" A moment of the time of someone she enjoyed. Blue would be a welcome break from other things, someone she wants to feel her best around for his sake, as well as her own. She let that happiness at seeing him rise in her chest. That's something she hopes Mahdi finds, too, the positive emotions coming to the forefront instead of the ones that sucked energy down along with them.
Wheeling herself closer, gliding and noting a certain staleness to the air, she lets her grin grow into a smile. "Do we have Earth rise happening out there right now?"
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He turned at the sound of her voice, the tension on his face lost to that second of surprise, watered down into a fond smile.
"Collette." He had waited until she had drawn closer. "The sunlight chases us. There will be more than a sliver soon."
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"It's so weird. From up here, you see the clouds and stuff, but it's like Earth's all peaceful. Not the way the UE wants us to think, but really, honestly peaceful. I guess that's perspective for you, or something like that." She brings herself to stillness once she reaches his side.
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He looked at her, his voice carrying a more thoughtful note. "Perhaps in spite, actually. The concerns of the world shouldn't be easily shaken, so one can feel the pull of unease even when pulled away from the soil where their strife was. Even the most adaptable of people will shudder somewhat at great change."
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"We've got to find a different path for this world to take. I don't think we know best, or can find all the right answers, but there has to be a better way than this."
There has to be a better way than living entirely apart, acting like far off saviors conent to hoarde food and goods away while the place that brought them there was buried under all a world's collapsing dust.
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"And...even being here, in someone's future, it doesn't give us the answers right away, does it..."
His shoulders sank with his breath, let out in a quiet sigh.
"It's a matter of what seems right...compromised with what others see as right."
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That's important. But she won't call it saving people, not truly. People still end up having to save themselves, when you've taken care of the biggest problems they don't know how to touch.
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She's curious what he meant as far as an origin, though. Which origin point?
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"The machine," he said. It was too obvious for him. "The point at which humans gave up their will to rule themselves in favor of a machine."
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"Oh. Oh, right! You were wondering about AI stuff before, that whole post to the network. That's important to know, or like... if people even decided that on their own? It surprised the Initiative, and it did take all of us looking at Dick's memories to get it figured out that way."
Richard Lawson. He must have died with everyone else down on Exsilium territory. She looks out the window, worry forming wrinkles on her forehead.
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His mouth begins to tug down in a frown as those pros and cons begin cycling through.
"At the very least," his voice softened, more musing, "it would fill in critical gaps of knowledge we lack..."
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Caesar who does research on everything he can, constantly surrounded by surreal words and concepts far off from his own home. James, where it's hard to remember what he sounds like when he speaks, anymore. Only in her dreams does she seem to remember.
"Labor intensive? All we have is people. What are they going to do, if not labor on something like this?" Next to supply runs, which were keeping people fed, but that was a practicality, not a solution.
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It was easier to lead and make the moves he wanted to make when he was the Solider. While he was by no means the sole power among the Mu, he had been the strongest, the one everyone had already designated as their leader. Here, though, not so much. His time was well over, his flame practically burnt out, save for the aid of those with power to keep him on his feet. It was almost laughable, in that light, to have him making plans at all. He had little strength of his own to follow through with!
It was unacceptable to him to devise a plan and simply step back and let others see it through.
That fight started to show on his face, brow furrowing.
"Without one unified will behind it, there could be disaster," he said, echoing one of the strongest doubts in his mind. "And without knowing precisely what the situation is before walking right into it..." He breathed out slowly.
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Blue looked at her, smiling. He had begun to realize it as she spoke the words, how they filled in as a kind of echo to an old memory. Jomy, still so young and full of doubt, unable to perceive the path ahead of him...and Blue, his voice speaking words like Collette's.
Strange, how things came in cycles. But not always in the same way as before.
He echoed himself, remembering much clearer.
"You don't know if what you've done is right until you've seen it through to the end." He nodded, looking back out the window. "So truly, all you can do is what feels right."
So the question became: What is right to me, now?
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Her grin's a little shy. When she nods, it's with a kind of wiggling happiness in her chest and stomach; that Blue understands and says better what she means than she can. "Yeah," she repeats, as if affirmation is needed. "All lyou can do is what feels right."
When faced with hellacious choices, right can be a fine line. But it's still there to draw in the sand, lest inactivity steal all hope away through stagnation.
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He was quiet for a time, letting that settle in and weigh down his misgivings. At length, he looked back to her, head bowing.
"That's something I needed to hear," he said. "Thank you, Collette."
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Goodness help her if she knew what saying things people needed to hear actually worked out like, since she's fairly certain she had no real clue at least half the time.