exsiliumlogs | [open] don't say it's easy to follow a process; there's nothing harder than keeping a promise

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[open] don't say it's easy to follow a process; there's nothing harder than keeping a promise

Date & Time: Whenever
Location: VR; halls
Characters: Koltira & you
Summary: it's hard OK
Warnings: spooky scary skeletons

A: V.R. ROOM; ACHERUS: THE EBON HOLD

[He could have used this technology to recreate his homeland of Quel'thalas. He did think about it, momentarily. But he had not seen the walls of that city for over ten years now, not since his people called themselves by another name, not since they had reinvented their entire identity and culture. Any Silvermoon he designed would be a dead memory; a smudged watercolor painting. He wasn't fit to walk those streets, anyway.

So he turned to the familiar. Acherus was a floating ziggurat, the base of operations for every death knight of the Ebon Blade. Because it began life as part of the Scourge, its decor was not inviting: the cold stone floor was inscribed with skeletal designs, and in many places it was littered with actual skeletons. Braziers of unearthly fire burned in its halls, and tattered, black drapes hung from its archways. Enormous kilns carved like skulls encircled the room, their eyes and mouths bright with blue flame.

Koltira is in the center of this room, viciously attacking a target dummy. No matter how many times he cut into the wood, no matter what poisons he feeds into the resulting cracks, the dummy does not topple or shatter. It spins from the force, its burlap sack head grinning luridly, but that's all.

Doing this keeps Koltira's mind from everything that's happened recently. He had dealt out lethal punishments before, but that was during his time as a slave. He has no regret for his decision in and of itself--some lessons must be brutally taught. But he wonders if he'll have to do it again, and how many times. He wonders how much that will change his face, how it will change the faces of those who look at him.

He impales the dummy with Byfrost, and he heaves.]

B: CORRIDORS

[Koltira tries to keep to the less populated areas of the base, but that is not an easy task. Even though the throes of his blood frenzy have passed, he still hears the pulse of the transports like a war drum in his ears, pounding, pounding, pounding. The rush of their veins thrums beneath his skin, and he stares at anyone who passes him for several more seconds than necessary. He thinks of their delicate wrists; their vulnerable ankles. He thinks of their blood in his mouth. Then, clenching his fists, he turns away.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Again, he finds the response surprising. Of course there had been no telling whether Koltira would even be receptive to the idea of affection from a man — it had been Ashraf's main deterrent, a lifetime ago. But even with that aside, would he have accepted it on a personal level? That he hasn't already pulled away is encouraging.

Or even more alarming, maybe. He hadn't planned for any of this. ]

I... [ It takes him a second; he still doesn't have an answer, but he has to say something. ] ...didn't think you would want it as anything but information, I guess.

[ Which seems selfish, now. If it was just to get it off his chest, he should have kept it there. ]

Ah. [He pauses, his expression closed, his eyes too blue and too bright to reveal anything.]

Your feelings have abated, then.

[ The little flash of panic that question evokes is enough to tell him the answer to it, even if he hadn't known.

Quickly— ] No— [ But then he pauses, takes a breath, and shakes his head more calmly. ]

No. They changed as I have, but... they haven't abated.

[Hmm.]

You are absolutely certain.

[ He watches Kotira closely, searching those inscrutable eyes for any hint of his reaction. It's truly nerve-wracking, being the only one to confess — and he's growing sure he should have kept it to himself. There's the thought of Sonya, determined and clever and so beautiful, and even more pervasive than that, Olivia. Ashraf has never been cut out for suiting, not with his wedding ring still on his finger.

But still, selfishly, he wants to know. ]

What if I said I was?

[Koltira reaches for Ashraf, sets both hands on the other man's shoulders.]

Say it or don't, Ashraf.

[ He still can't read him, he can't tell what answer Koltira would prefer. But what is there to do but tell the truth? So he straightens a little, squares his shoulders under those hands, and prepares for the worst. ]

I do love you, and have for a long time. For your conviction, your nobility, and your good heart. You've consistently proved me wrong in the most important matters, and I love you for that, too.

[ He wants to add on a disclaimer, a but I don't expect anything back, I never have, but he forces himself to stop there. Koltira can decide the rest for himself. ]

[He lets Ashraf speak, but as soon as that last sentence ends, Koltira grabs the other man by the back of the neck and pulls him in -- kisses him full on the mouth.

Koltira's lips are dry and soft, but they are bloodless; to kiss him is to kiss winter. He's not doing this as a punishment, not trying to be rough; in point of fact, he's slow and careful, his fingers not digging but curling into Ashraf's dark hair, his mouth not crushing but fitting, as best he can, against Ashraf's mouth.

His tongue -- cold like the rest of him, undeniably alien -- skirts Ashraf's bottom lip before he pulls away.]

You love a corpse.

[ He's good and surprised at first, but that melts away quickly. Koltira is as cold as he'd always imagined it would be to kiss him — not that he's let his mind wander there (often). It's nothing like kissing Sonya, nor anyone else he's kissed teasingly or briefly in his lifetime, and if he could remember much of kissing Olivia he's sure it would be incomparable to that, too. But his next surprise is how much he enjoys it, despite the inhuman chill.

He falters for a second when Koltira pulls away. So unlike him, who's always ready with a smile and a gentle tease. But eventually the smile does come, even if it's cast downward. ]

That would have bothered me, before I met you.

[Koltira frowns.]

I have loved you for the better part of the last year, Ashraf. But the love of the living is not for the dead. You deserve warmth, and I will never be warm again.

Stop, Koltira. [ It's with just a tiny bit of exasperation — jeez, harping much. But he reaches to take Koltira's hands, even if all he gets is the hard gauntlets. It's not exactly romantic, but then not much about this is. ] That doesn't bother me either.

[ And here his smile drops away again, sinking with guilt. ]

What does bother me is... well, I was married.

[Listen, man; it's just the truth!

He nods, though.]

You do not want to dishonor her.

[ He nods, and his lowered gaze falls instinctively to his left hand, and the gold band still there. ]

I know I should be moving on, it was twenty years ago, and Olivia would want me to — but I'm not sure how to. And that isn't fair to anyone I might try to pursue.

[ It... feels good to say this. He still hasn't said any of it to Sonya, but it's the biggest reason that he hasn't done more to encourage her. ]

[Though young by the standards of his people, Koltira had been alive for nearly a century prior to his death. He had seen countless friends and loved ones taken by the conflicts that preceded the Scourge invasion. And now ...]

Everyone I have ever known or loved died when Prince Arthas invaded Quel'thalas. Many years have also passed since this trauma.

[His hands drop.]

But I still hear their voices in my mind, every day. I cannot tell you what to do.

[ He looks up again with sympathy in his face, ring and its memories retreating back into the back of his mind. ]

It's not meant to be easy, is all I can say.

[ He lifts a hand to rest gently at Koltira's cheek and, in a moment, leans in to kiss him again. It's greed, it's selfishness, it's nothing he should be encouraging right after admitting that he can't go through with it — but he wants just one more. It's light and careful, but lingering. ]

[Koltira won't lie: it's nice to be kissed. He doesn't shy away from affection because he doesn't want it; he shies away because he is literally a walking corpse and it's not polite to just put that on people.

But Ashraf is acting of his own accord, so Koltira takes him up on it, leaning in, stroking both hands through Ashraf's hair.

It's all right if it's just for this moment. That's more than he ever expected, anyway.]

Edited 2013-11-06 01:48 (UTC)

[ The hands in his hair is wonderful and soothing, but the reminder of the last person who'd run their hands through his hair makes him, at last, draw back. He stays close though, and drops his head to rest his forehead against the cool metal at Koltira's shoulder.

Low: ] It isn't just Olivia that's stopping me.

[Koltira murmurs. He's not surprised.]

Oh?

It's Sonya, too. [ The guilt hits him more fully now; he'd told her he would wait. ] Sofiya Karimov. If she hadn't had a change of heart, she and I might well be together by now.

Ah.

[The light of his eyes dims, very slightly, but it's the most intense sign of an emotional reaction that Ashraf's going to get.]

She might change it again. The heart can be fickle.

Sonya could change her mind, Olivia could show up here, young and alive again...

[ He smiles, but it's utterly without humor. ]

It's not too late for me to take a vow of celibacy, right?

[Koltira mutters.]

Such a life is less glamorous than advertised.

Well, it's served me well enough so far...

[ He draws back and looks up at Koltira. He'd love to kiss him again. This should be happy, having just admitted to long-standing feelings and found them to be reciprocated. But it isn't, and he knows better than to give into the urge again. Instead he takes a breath and grows more serious. ]

There was one more thing I wanted to talk to you about.

[Koltira definitely senses that no more kisses are incoming.]

Yes?

Seviilia.

[ This is important, even if it's not a conversation he wants to have, and he stands straighter. ]

I was wrong to tell you you'd handled her wrong; she is your soldier. But I want to talk to you about it, and her.

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