exsiliumlogs | i'm starting a mahou shojo collection

[so while 'bride' held no meaning, 'wife' did. after a beat and a chance to recall it.

Martin's eyes get big and his face gets red.]

Oh, I. I didn't know that, I-- Sh-she never said... [flustered, not close to even thinking but you're a girl, too; that's not how wives work for Darkovs...

Madoka. wife. buh...]

[ She lets a few seconds tick by, just enough to let him squirm. Maybe it's a tad harsh, but it's not mean-spirited, and nobody else would even get an explanation from her. ]

Ahaha, relax. I'm just joking! [ A little awkwardly, she reaches over to poke him in the shoulder. ] I was serious about the second part, though. If I thought you were gonna do anything wrong, I wouldn't let you be around her.

[with most of his reactionary cues coming from outside himself, he's quick to laugh as well, though not without a shade of confusion. but if it's alright, then he'll believe her and relax after the prodding. that's when that Darkov thought settles in to doubly reassure him.]

Oh, then... [the rest...] Then that's good! I wouldn't want you or anybody to be worried...And. We can we friends, too, right?

Duh. Madoka's got good taste [ generally... ], so if she likes you, then I'm fine with that. I just haven't had much time to talk to people lately.

[ It's only a half a lie; with the way she's been throwing herself into mission after mission, fight after fight, her free time has been rather limited. But it's still a little too close to home, and after a pause, she forces on another grin. ]

So what do you think of her, huh? Isn't she the cutest girl ever?

[Martin sits down on the floor with his back against the side of one of the bunks. a comfortable place for him.

the Madoka talk sends his eyes down to the arms on his lap, the one with the red hair ribbon tied to it.] Oh, she...

[a shade bashful, looking up with a small smile:] She's one of the kindest... [she said cute] That is, I mean. Yes. I think so...I mean...I hope I understand what you meant...

Yeah, she...

[ She'd noticed the ribbon before (it's hard not to, the way it clashes with the rest of him), but only now does she put two and two together. It's probably rude, to change the topic so abruptly on this poor kid, but she's always been blunt. ]

Hey, did she give that ribbon to you? [ She's 99% sure she knows the answer. (Best to be sure, though.) ]

[half a beat, and his eyes drop back to the ribbon. he lifts an end of it, lightly.]

Yes. From her hair... [a pause. he looks up again, wondering.] But it's backwards, isn't it? She gave it to me on her birthday. It's supposed to be the other way around...right?

[ Bingo. One hand goes up to rub the back of her head, and she stares at the ribbon, as if trying to word things right. ]

Usually, yeah. But... something like that isn't a normal present. [ She frowns. Madoka's birthday had been during a bad time, so she's glad at least something good came out of it. ] If she's given you that, then... ahaha, you'd better not let her down. I won't let my wife run off with just anybody.

A-ah, well... [there's a nervous kind of laugh in his voice, trying to follow along while still wondering what normal and not-normal presents are supposed to be like.] I don't think we have to run anywhere, especially if she didn't want to.

[it's very obvious on his face that he's certain he misinterpreted that, even as the words are falling out of his mouth. somehow, it's more embarrassing than usual; all this authority and know-how Sayaka's conveying and all.]

That's...not what you meant... [his eyes wince a little. he lets out a little sigh, looking down again, mouth still in a twitching smile.] Now I think I know, but all the words are hard to say.

[ This kid. His fumbling would be frustrating if it wasn't so genuine, but it's endearing enough that she can't bring herself to be annoyed at it. ]

It's not. [ Though the mental idea of Madoka running off with someone is a little romantic... but no. All the romance in the world isn't worth losing her best friend over. ] But don't worry about it so much. She obviously likes you, so just tell her how you feel, okay? I can give you all the advice you need. [ Said advice may or may not be awful. ]

[Madoka's words: Don't you know how important you are to me?

Martin fidgets where he sits, enough so he can prop his elbows on his legs and let his head set on his hands to press his fingers against his face.]

Well, now I feel all strange... [a weak laugh. he dips his head to let his knuckles drag across his forehead.] Thinking about all of that is...frightening, somehow. [looking back up.] Is that even right?

It's good to be a little frightened. If you hurt her, I'll have to come beat you up.

... Just kidding. [ Sort of. She would beat him up, but she knows she won't have to. ] But if you're having trouble saying it, why not write your feelings down? I know she's always wanted to get a love letter.

We used to write letters... [enough fidgeting. he lets his chin settle on his hands.] For people back in our old worlds. Her family, or my sister... My writing is really bad! [grinning.] But I never learned to write before. I'll have to practice more to get better...Then learn the letters Madoka uses. They're different. I can't even read them on my own.

I'll help you.

[ It's strange, how much better this conversation makes her feel. For all the horrible things that have happened, some good has come of it all — and if she can make Madoka's life better in any way, she will. Helping someone read and write was never on her list of things to do today, but... well. Neither was having a conversation. ]

But you've gotta keep it a secret. Don't tell her anything until you're ready, then give the letter to me. I'll hide it under her pillow or something. [ She grins. ] I know she'll love it.

Really? [he looks surprised for one second, and pleased the next, smiling. she's so nice...

but,] I'm really glad, but...but why is it a secret? Is that...like a rule?

It's romantic. [ So yes, it's a rule. ] You're new at this, so I'll go easy on you, but Madoka deserves the best. A princess like her has to be treated right.

[ Belatedly, even she realizes this might be a little overwhelming for the poor kid. She leans forward, pointing at the ribbon again. ]

... But you seem to be doing a pretty good job so far. She wore those ribbons to try and look a little flashy, so if she's given one to you, then... she has what she wants. [ Or who. ]

[romance, princesses...he has a lot to learn to even begin to fill the words with meaningful substance. but Sayaka sounds confident enough, and he's already begun to trust her know-how, so he'll not think to hard on it, he thinks.

and he moves right along, looking down at the ribbon she's talking about. he mulls over her remarks with a thoughtful look, mouth twisting a little before an older thought comes to mind.

looking at her again:] It reminded me of something my family had to do. Except, it's not ribbons. It's medals on chains. And, not other people... [he squints a little with his smile.] But you make a promise to something, and you can't ever take the chain off, ever. And...well, mine never worked right, the way the others did. I thought I'd messed up, done something wrong...

But this is like it, in a...really good way. She said she'll be able to find me wherever I am with this. It's like one of those promises. So, [a little laugh.] so it's kind of like I didn't fail...it was just late, in that sense.

Don't doubt yourself. No matter what happened then, you've gotta be pretty good for Madoka to fall for you.

[ Despite everything, the talk turns her a little more serious. What he's saying is important, and while joking is all well and good... there are other things she needs to get across, too. ]

Listen... being a magical girl isn't easy. Madoka's special, but even she needs help sometimes. [ She sighs, running a hand through her hair. ] I screwed up, so I'm glad she has you. I want you to look out for her, okay?

[his face drops out of the dreamlike smiles and hesitations, taking cue from her tone and talk. it's a light frown now, brow furrowing to follow along and catch her meaning. so much for asking about falling, because this seems more pressing.]

Screwed up...? What do you mean?

It doesn't matter now. [ Or rather, it does, but there's nothing she can do about it. ] Back home... I hurt her more than I can ever apologize for. I didn't mean to, but it still happened.

[ Madoka might say it's fine, but she's always been too forgiving. She can't let herself off the hook that easily. ]

She deserves to be happy. [ Another nod at the ribbon, and she forces on a smile. ] And if you're that close to her, you should be able to do it. Don't mess up!

[he frowns a little harder, trying to keep the thought of hurt her more than I can ever apologize her in mind over the encouragement. is this about the witches, he wonders? the sad things Madoka says are in her past and future.

from the ribbon to Sayaka again, he stares, thinking on it.]

Sayaka...I think... [a slight pause to turn the words over again.] No, I'm really sure... [nodding.] That if you're a friend, Madoka will love you no matter what. Even if you don't. She'd want you to be as happy as you can be, no matter what. But I think it'd make her happy...if she could be part of why you're happy, too. It's part of why I– [lifting his hand, curling his other hand around the ribbon.] It's definitely part of why she's one of the most important people I've ever met before.

You've been her friend longer, Sayaka! [smiling encouraging.] And I want to be your friend, too...so we should all be. Don't talk like you can't be here, too!

[ He's the same as Madoka, in a way — they both have kind words for her that she doesn't deserve. Her hands fist nervously in her jacket, and she stares down at them, forcing on a smile to be polite. ]

... That's really nice of you to say. [ At least she can say that honestly. She has no idea that he knows so much, so she stays vague: some secrets would affect more than just herself. ] But I think if you knew what happened, you'd agree with me. Madoka... she's too nice for her own good, sometimes, so I can't take advantage of that. I have to make sure I protect her, even if it means protecting her from myself.

Why would you say that?

[Martin's living with an undead elf who succumbs to fits of bloodrage – has lived with a zombie whose self-destructive tendencies were at times only curbed by Martin's needs...and in those experiences, he still finds little reason for them to hide from him.

Sayaka, being so different in his eyes, has less reason, here on the surface.

but a thought strikes him. something Madoka herself has told him.]

...Is this about the future back in that world?

i'm starting a mahou shojo collection

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