[CLOSED]

[heartstorage]

Date & Time: Earlier in December
Location: House of Miscommunication Hearts
Characters: Sora & Roxas
Summary: Awkward.
Warnings: So damn awkward

[Sora really hasn't spoken to Roxas much since Xion left and Lea had told him what he knew. It wasn't that he didn't care, he really did. It's just...He hadn't known what to say, or how to face him. Even if Lea had tried to insist otherwise, Sora couldn't shake the feeling that it was all his fault Xion was gone. Not only that, but to know that Xion had been slowly killing Roxas.......had anyone told him that? Should he let him know? He didn't have the first clue.]

[And so, feeling guilty and clueless, he avoided. He put up with the nightmares that came from sleeping alone, he avoided areas on the base that he knew Roxas would like to be. He almost hated himself for it, knowing how much it bothered him when people did that to him- but he didn't know what else to do.]

[But it was moving down to the planet that broke the avoidance. It was kinda hard to do that in the same household, much less the same bedroom after all. And so, it'll be when Riku and Lea are out working that he'll actually attempt to brave a conversation one-on-one with Roxas while standing in the doorway of their room.]

....Hey.

[Yeah. He's off to a great start.]

Comments

[otherness]

[Good Somebody. Best friend.]

The three of us...

[He's a little surprised, too, at how nice that is to say. He wonders if Xion sleeping somewhere within Sora counts as a fourth, but he doesn't say that out loud.]

Yeah.

[heartstorage]

It'll be great.

[Something to look forward to, they could all use it. He looks over at Roxas]

But hey...listen. Even if something happens and we don't talk for awhile...don't ever think you're not important to me, okay? I'll always care about you.

And that's not...special. We're important to each other and we care about each other. That's just how it should be.

[otherness]

[Roxas isn't even aware he's not breathing until there's pressure in his chest. Once again, Sora's blindsided him with kindness. He doesn't just want to be friends. Roxas is important to him somehow-- Sora actively cares. Even though he's a Somebody, he cares about more than just being the other half.

"Sora, see? This is why it has to be you."

It's more than he could ever ask for. He ducks his head, rubbing at his eyes furiously.]

T-thanks, [he manages.] I think-- I think you're right.

People care about each other. That's how it's supposed to be.

[heartstorage]

[To Sora, it was hard to explain exactly what it was he felt for Roxas. They were different people, no doubt about that. But...it was a bit more complicated than that too. It wasn't like his other friendships. Even he couldn't fully deny they were part of one another.]

Yeah!

[He'll playfully bump Roxas's shoulder while smiling, as if to counteract Roxas's tears] Now you're getting it.

[otherness]

[He gets a little embarrassed by that and bumps Sora back.]

Yeah, yeah...

[He's done crying, at least. But he keeps rubbing at his cheeks like it'll make the red go away.]

[heartstorage]

[That's because Sora is an embarrassing person to be around, one that responds to that bump with a small snicker. And he notices that, and even contemplates pointing out that rubbing will just make it redder but...eh. He'll let it go. He just gives out a little sigh and relaxes instead]

So you okay? [Or at least...feeling just a tad better?]

[otherness]

[He nods.]

Yeah. Better than when you came in, somehow. I guess talking about things helps.

[heartstorage]

[He smiles just a little; feeling a bit glad]

Well of course, it's good to talk about stuff! It gets it off your chest!

[......says the total hypocrite.]

that iconnnnn |DDDD

[otherness]

[Roxas glances down at his own chest.]

So if I'm sad... you are, too?

his one normal human being face

[heartstorage]

[Crap. Not as planned. The smile fades.]

About Xion?

Well...yeah. Of course I am.

[otherness]

[It's okay, he's not hitting that angle too hard.]

About... anything. If I'm half of you and there's something on my chest...

Ah, but then the opposite must be true. If you're happy, then I am too.

[heartstorage]

[...Goddammit Roxas. He thought we were making progress. He gives a little sigh]

Roxas...That's not...true. We have a lot in common, but...

Our feelings don't always match.

[otherness]

[... Oh.]

... They don't?

[BUT I CAN FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.]

[heartstorage]

[THEN CAN YOU FEEL THE HEADACHE I GET EVERY TIME A TOPIC LIKE THIS COMES UP BECAUSE MAN HE CAN SURE FEEL IT]

No...it's...

[How to explain]

Remember when you gave me your memories? I felt what you felt.

And there was a lot of similarity- things I would've felt in that situation. But there were some emotions, reactions that were...different. Different than I would have ever felt. They were yours...and only yours. Not mine.

[otherness]

[Wow. So apparently sharing that stuff backfired somehow? Still... there was a time when Roxas believed he was himself, and only himself. No one else. That was when he felt those things strongly. He was so certain...

But, thinking about it, there are some things that Sora feels that are his alone. Pretty much everything toward his friends. Sora loves Riku unconditionally, but Roxas is always a little hesitant because he doesn't really understand Riku the way Sora does. He gets Kairi a little more-- maybe because of Naminé-- but it's still the same deal.

They're Sora's friends, not Roxas'. He didn't spend his childhood with them.]

... I think I get it now, [he says finally.]

[heartstorage]

[It both backfired and it didn't. If he had not gotten Roxas's memories, he would have never figured out that Xemnas had been lying. The truth would be forever lost to darkness, and along with any chance to help Roxas or Xion.]

[Had it been an attempt to convince Sora they were one in the same, then yes. It did. Sora was willing to carry the burden of those memories as long as it took to achieve his goal. But they would never be his memories.]

...Do you?

[He frowns a little. It's not that he doesn't want to not trust Roxas but well....the guy does seem to like to say vague things then turn out he had the wrong idea all along]

[otherness]

Even though I'm your Nobody, there are some things that only belong to one of us. We have different memories, different friends-- different experiences. That makes us...

It makes us different.

[He lets out a breath. That's a huge thing to admit.]

But even so, that doesn't change anything. You're my other.

[heartstorage]

[Sora listens, and he feels torn about this compromise. It was a relief to hear that on some level, Roxas was willing to accept they were different. But...they have such different viewpoints on the matter. Roxas seemed to have such peace about becoming someone else, about being a piece of someone and not an individual. Sora meanwhile found it terrifying. He wanted so badly to be his own person, to have complete confidence when he said who he was that it was the absolute truth.]

[But more and more that dream felt like such an uphill battle.]

My other....

[His tone is quiet, it lacks a lot of the argumentativeness that it usually has. Because frankly, he just wants to know.]

I don't get it. Why doesn't it bother you that you're not your own person?

[otherness]

[Roxas blinks once or twice. Why? That's not something he usually thinks about. He pulls his legs up and sits cross-legged on the bed, his hands in his lap.]

Because... it's not something I can change.

[He tilts his head back, remembering.]

I didn't want to believe it for a long time. I didn't want to accept you, so I kind of... caused problems even when we were one. I wasn't really conscious, I guess. I didn't come to terms with it until we fought inside your heart. Because Axel had...

[He shakes his head.] If I kept rejecting you, I don't know what would've happened. Probably nothing good.

Even when I was in the Organization, I was always told I wasn't my own person-- that I was only a figment of someone else. The guy in red told me that when I was in Twilight Town.

... It's hard to think you're your own person when everyone you meet sees you as someone else.

[heartstorage]

[He looks down for a moment, still mad at hearing those stories again - at having the memories of those people stirred up again. But he's been through the arguments with Roxas that they were wrong enough times that he doesn't know what else to say besides to grumble childishly]

...I told you those guys were jerks.

[And he'll stand by that always. He pauses before he speaks again]

What if you could change it? Like right now, if someone gave you the choice. Do you....do you know what you'd wanna do?

[Since yeah, he's refuses to believe that there isn't a way. HE JUST CAN"T ACCEPT THAT]

[otherness]

[They were still Roxas' coworkers. Demyx, for example, wasn't that terrible. He was just lazy. It was more of the higher ups that really just... messed it all up. Even Xigbar, in his own way, had mentored Roxas a bit. But that wasn't done out of friendship. Really, his only friends in the Organization were gone.

It was better that way, but still. And DiZ-- well, even if he was a jerk, he was still the one who kept Sora alive, watched over his progress with Nami, and made sure Roxas merged with him so he could wake up. There was a bit more, too, but Roxas barely remembered.

It's the next question that makes Roxas look like he saw a ghost. It's too early to be thinking about that sort of thing. He might get attached to his life here, and then what? He'll get stolen away again, won't he? Even so, the mere thought of being able to live like he used to makes his breath catch, and he can't quite meet Sora's eyes anymore.]

I...

[He thinks about his life here. He thinks about being able to skateboard, being able to meet with his friends whenever. He thinks about talking with Sora and pillow-fights and deep talks at sunset. He thinks about the sand between his toes, and the first time he tasted snow in the body he's been given.]

If we could be together even though we're separate, just like this... If I could really help you and travel with you and do everything I could never do before...

Yeah. I think that's what I want.

[heartstorage]

[Nope sorry Roxas he's still going to dislike a lot of them for a good long while. And think they were jerks. It's a thing]

[He knew it was a bit of an unfair question to ask. Honestly, he's surprised to get an answer- especially one that sounded like Roxas actually meant it and wasn't just saying something he thought Sora wanted to hear. It was an idea he never thought of, not really. Sora's strength never lied in long term planning]

[But he mulls it over in his head, thinking it over]

...I like that idea.

[He liked Roxas's company, and it would take care of the strength problem. Donald might complain, hut eh, he's sure if he let Donald pilot the gummi ship for awhile he'd shut up]

You could actually see the worlds right that way. You know, instead of sneaking around like you had to do on your missions.

[otherness]

[And here Roxas is half expecting to get shot down. He blinks, then brightens a bit.] Really?

[Don't remind him. Sneaking past animated inanimate objects is legitimately the worst thing he's ever had to do.]

I could get to know the people who live there...

[heartstorage]

Mmhmm. I bet Phil'd like to see you again too. [thoughtfully] I wonder if they've finished repairing the Coliseum yet....

[Or how Hercules was holding up, or how Auron was doing finding a life for himself. It's been a long time since he's seen some of his friends. Even if he wasn't as close to them as Riku and Kairi...he missed them]

But yeah, really. Living like that...I think I'd be okay being your other.

[Sure, it wouldn't solve everything. There was still Xion, and his own questions about who he really was. But...it was a step in the right direction. A nice dream to hold onto. He could accept that.]

[otherness]

Oh yeah... [Though, he and Phil weren't exactly friends. He'd just accidentally been drafted into training... haha welp.

Roxas is just surprised they finally agree on something. A couple months ago, Roxas wouldn't have even entertained the idea of living like this. But he's had to, and he's had to learn. Sora's been helping him the whole way.]

... That makes me really happy, somehow.