exsiliumlogs | I'm not sure who I am but I know who I've been.

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I'm not sure who I am but I know who I've been.

Date & Time: January 8
Location: initially the arrival area and then... wherever
Characters: Jesse & Steph & some others later
Summary: Jesse returns to Exsilium.
Warnings: So many Breaking Bad spoilers. So, so many. Like, for real, y'all. Also graphic descriptions of stuff.

[The second he opens his eyes and sees something other than the inside of a cell, he makes a break for it. What he does see makes little sense to him, but it couldn't matter less right now. There are way too many people. Maybe he should ask them for help - but he doesn't. He won't risk it. He shoulders past them, hobbling and nearly tripping over the shackles around his ankles. What he's doing can't be called running, exactly, but it's as close to it as he can get.

To anyone who might catch a glimpse of him among the new arrivals, he hardly looks like Jesse Pinkman anymore. His hair and beard both have grown out some, though that's the least of it. "Beaten to a pulp" is an all-too-accurate description of the state of his face, still bloody and raw and probably infected by now, because he's dirty, too. And stinking - of urine and meth lab and god-knows-what-else. Some of his wounds can't be seen, except for where the blood has soaked into his shirt, but from the way he's hunching, a few ribs must be broken. It doesn't help that his wrists are handcuffed and chained to his waist. The scorpion tattoo on his right hand helps to positively identify him.

He can't really see where he's going. One eye is swollen shut and the other isn't used to this much light. When he pushes his way out of the enclosed space and into the open air, he's altogether blinded by the glare of the sun and the snow. That same snow is impossible to wade through when he's in chains, and he falls as soon as his feet hit it, down onto his knees and then rolling onto his back.

He lets out a panicked scream when that happens, jerking and struggling to roll over again so that he can try to climb up. But he can't - not like this. That's the whole reason they tied him up this way. It doesn't take him long to reach that realization, and rather than keep fighting like that, he starts to crawl. It was cold in his cell and it's much colder now, the snow soaking into his clothes and freezing him, but he doesn't stop.

He has to keep going.]

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[Something about the gesture makes her heart ache, but she doesn't have time to think about it, not when she realizes what he's done.

They need to get out of the snow as soon as possible, so that's exactly what she does, taking them to the cabin that Jesse shared with Mike, where he died, but it's the best place she can think of right now. Mike's still at the Transporter, which means they have the place to themselves, and as soon as they're inside, Steph's first order of business is carefully guiding Jesse to the couch.]

There we go, this is a lot better than being stuck out there. We're safe now, and I'll get you fixed up in no time.

[She's talking just for the sake of it, still trying to reassure him. And now she sheds her coat, shaking the snow off onto the floor before she puts it around Jesse's shoulders, making sure his hands are tucked against his body.]

Are you cold?

[It might sound like a stupid question, but she knows she really has to worry if he's stopped feeling cold.]

[He's not paying all that much attention to what she's saying. The reassurance comes from their new location, not her words. They're far from the Transporter now, at least; he remembers that much about this cabin. He almost seems dazed as he sinks onto the couch and looks around. The memory of this place is more like déjà vu than actual memory, and he's pretty sure this is what he pictured in his head when he told Saul he wanted to go to Alaska, back when he was too stupid to know they were just planning to kill him, back when he actually believed they were going to give him a new life somewhere.

Anyway, it's weird.

He realizes she just asked him a question and looks back to her, nodding. Yeah, he's soaked and he's freezing, on top of everything else. But all that doesn't worry him too much now that they're indoors. It's drier, even if it isn't much warmer in here. He kicks his shoes off to get some of the damp off his feet and brings his hands to his mouth to breathe heat onto his fingers.]

Blankets upstairs.

Don't go anywhere.

[She even manages a grin, like he'd actually be capable of that, like everything isn't awful, before she leaves him to go upstair. Once she's there, though, she teleports to her apartment and grabs her first aid kit and the heater that Jaime got for them, then she comes back to Jesse's, gathers up a bunch of blankets, and barely manages to get it all back down the stairs.

She sets the first aid kit down beside him, then hands over the blankets before putting the heater down nearby and turning it on, grateful that it's... magic or whatever the fuck it is. It'll warm the place up quickly enough.]

Do you know how badly you're hurt? 'Cause I can call Ashraf if you need more than I can do for you.

[Maybe she should just call Ashraf regardless, if Jesse doesn't seem opposed to the idea.]

[He misses the joke completely, too fogged up with the pain and the cold and the overall disorientation of being back here. He barely notices her leaving and coming back again until she's giving him the blankets, and then he busies himself with getting wrapped up and inching closer to the heater.

As he begins to warm up, some of that fog clears. His gaze drops to the first aid kit, and that almost gets a smile out of him - because that's the real joke, her trying to fix him up with a little box of bandages.]

I won't die, I don't think. If I was gonna die, woulda happened a few days ago. Right? If my brain was bleeding. I dunno. Um... Ribs might be broke. Hard to breathe. Other stuff... Won't kill me. Just hurts. Anyway, better call him if you're gonna. You don't wanna see this shit.

I've seen worse, but if your ribs are broken I won't risk you puncturing a lung.

[She's honestly just relieved he's a little more alert, but she can fuss over him later, for now she just fishes her tablet out of an inner pocket and sends a text to Ashraf, including their location on a rough map she got of the area. She could go get him, but he can teleport himself, and she'd rather not leave Jesse alone.]

You want me to go get Mike and Saul once Ashraf is here?

[A darkness crosses Jesse's face at the mention of Saul. His good eye flicks up to Steph for only a split second, a blend of fear and barely suppressed rage visible there before he squeezes it shut. He shakes his head with a jerk and covers up a shudder by drawing the blankets closer around him, faking like he's shivering instead.]

Just Mike. Not Saul.

[She doesn't miss it, but now isn't the time to ask, or to try to remind Jesse that Saul isn't the bad guy. So she just nods, sends off another quick text to Mike, then puts her tablet away.

There's no point checking Jesse's injuries, not when Ashraf should show up soon, but she feels like she needs to be doing something, so:]

You should probably get outta those wet clothes, you want me to grab you something dry?

[She doesn't need to remind him of anything. Jesse was once as stupid as she is, thinking Saul could do anything for anyone but himself. He's even got a whole bunch of memories about those times returning to him now. And it's all bullshit. It's so much bullshit he can't even think about it for too long. If his brain isn't bleeding already, thinking about Saul is going to make it start.

Thankfully, she's asking him about clothes instead of pressing him.]

I, um... Yeah.

[ Ashraf always answers his texts quickly, it's a habit. And after this particular text, he doesn't spend more than ten seconds debating the pros and cons of responding to the request. It's Jesse, Steph had said, and hadn't Ashraf just been privately relieved that Jesse was gone, after that talk with Sonya? Glad that Ashraf wouldn't have to run into him and feel any of that quietly boiling anger?

But, in the end, he's still a priest.

It doesn't take more than a minute for him to find the place, and a knock sounds at the door. ] Steph—? It's Ashraf.

[Another nod, and she starts back towards Jesse's bedroom, hoping Mike kept some of his stuff, before the knock on the door interrupts her. Without a second thought, she jogs over to pull it open, already stepping out of the way for Ashraf to come in and gesturing towards where Jesse is.]

Thanks for coming so quick, I was gonna try to handle it myself but without any proper medical equipment...

[It's better to just rely on magic.]

[Jesse starts at the sound of the knock, even knowing that they were expecting someone. If his feet didn't feel like they were being stabbed with a thousand pins, he might have retreated to the far corner of the room. As it is, the far end of the couch will have to do.

It's Ashraf. It's just Ashraf, Christ. Jesse takes a deep breath and draws the blankets closer around him. Probably the opposite of what he ought to be doing, but since when do magicians need to see exactly what they're healing, anyway? His pulpy, lacerated face is nothing compared to what he's hiding under his clothes, and if he has any luck at all, Ashraf can heal him entirely without undressing him so Steph won't see all the things she's bound to report back to Saul.]

[ There's some joke about medical equipment versus magic at the tip of his tongue, but it does as soon as his eyes land on Jesse, over Steph's shoulder. He pauses.

He's seen truly horrific things, of course — dismemberments, amputations, battlefield mishaps that would leave all involved parties dead in seconds, without magical intervention. But there's always a stark difference between the look of wounds received in battle, and those dispensed through torture. Prolonged torture is even a possibility here, just judging by the look of his face. There isn't any room left in his head for the echo of Sonya's voice, as he begins a quick stride toward him. ]

Don't worry, just stay seated —

[ He waves his hand, and that soothing green light suffuses Jesse. Wounds begin to knit. He casts the spell again immediately after, and deeper damages begin to undo, as well. He casts it five times in all, the last wave as he comes to a stop in front of the couch, which should be enough to bring any normal human back even from the brink of death. Any wounds that were old will leave scars, severity depending on how long they'd gone without treatment, but anything from the last few days should have closed like it never happened. He drops his hand, regarding Jesse with obvious concern. ]

How's that?

[It's a shock, is what it is. He's been enduring the pain for so long that when it's suddenly gone, it feels like maybe his whole body's up and disappeared into thin air. He shrugs off the blankets immediately just to check that he's still there.

He touches his chest first, feeling his ribs through his shirt. All in place. Then he looks at his wrists, where he finds no sign of the handcuffs that were there less than an hour ago. His fingers drift up to run over his face, skin now smooth and unbroken. Then he reaches down and under his shirt, searching for the places where they'd carved into him.

Jesse gets up off the couch without warning, leaving the blankets behind, and takes a few steps to test his legs. He looks at Ashraf, then Steph, then Ashraf again. The priest gets a nod of thanks. Steph gets words, though they're directed more toward the floor:]

I need Mrs. White. Mike, too, but I gotta tell Mrs. White something.

[She trusts Ashraf, but she still has to watch what he's doing to Jesse, just to make sure. As she watches the wounds heal, she lets out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, tension in her chest unknotting itself now that she knows he'll be okay, at least physically.

When Jesse speaks to her, she nods.]

I'll go grab 'em. [then to Ashraf:] Thank you so much, can you stick around until I get back?

[Not that she should take long, but.]

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I'm not sure who I am but I know who I've been.

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