I'm not sure who I am but I know who I've been.

[hostage]

Date & Time: January 8
Location: initially the arrival area and then... wherever
Characters: Jesse & Steph & some others later
Summary: Jesse returns to Exsilium.
Warnings: So many Breaking Bad spoilers. So, so many. Like, for real, y'all. Also graphic descriptions of stuff.

[The second he opens his eyes and sees something other than the inside of a cell, he makes a break for it. What he does see makes little sense to him, but it couldn't matter less right now. There are way too many people. Maybe he should ask them for help - but he doesn't. He won't risk it. He shoulders past them, hobbling and nearly tripping over the shackles around his ankles. What he's doing can't be called running, exactly, but it's as close to it as he can get.

To anyone who might catch a glimpse of him among the new arrivals, he hardly looks like Jesse Pinkman anymore. His hair and beard both have grown out some, though that's the least of it. "Beaten to a pulp" is an all-too-accurate description of the state of his face, still bloody and raw and probably infected by now, because he's dirty, too. And stinking - of urine and meth lab and god-knows-what-else. Some of his wounds can't be seen, except for where the blood has soaked into his shirt, but from the way he's hunching, a few ribs must be broken. It doesn't help that his wrists are handcuffed and chained to his waist. The scorpion tattoo on his right hand helps to positively identify him.

He can't really see where he's going. One eye is swollen shut and the other isn't used to this much light. When he pushes his way out of the enclosed space and into the open air, he's altogether blinded by the glare of the sun and the snow. That same snow is impossible to wade through when he's in chains, and he falls as soon as his feet hit it, down onto his knees and then rolling onto his back.

He lets out a panicked scream when that happens, jerking and struggling to roll over again so that he can try to climb up. But he can't - not like this. That's the whole reason they tied him up this way. It doesn't take him long to reach that realization, and rather than keep fighting like that, he starts to crawl. It was cold in his cell and it's much colder now, the snow soaking into his clothes and freezing him, but he doesn't stop.

He has to keep going.]

Comments

[controlledvariable]

[At first, she doesn't realize what she's seeing, when she spots Jese moving through the crowd of Transports, and by the time it clicks and the shock wears off, he's already gone. She gets to her feet without a second thought after that, casting a brief glance around for Saul, but she can't find him straight away, and there's no time to look.

Chasing after Jesse is more important, and it doesn't take her too long to track him down; once she's outside, his scream draws her attention, and the tracks he's leaving in the snow are easy to follow.

When she finally catches up to him, she has no idea what to do with the sight in front of her, except Jesse is hurt, and scared, and instinct kicks in to override the surprise.]

Jesse? Jesse it's me, Steph, you're safe.

[She speaks before she goes to his side, not wanting to scare him too much, though she doubts it'll really help, but - still, once she's beside him she crouches down, reaching for the lockpick in her coat pocket. She has to get those chains off.]

[hostage]

[He doesn't remember who Steph is, not at first. But he hears a woman's voice and he hasn't seen a woman in over a week, not once since he was brought to the compound. And the last woman he saw was Mrs. Schrader, and she'd been really nice to him even though he could tell she was scared of him, and all of that helps him stop. Just for a moment, just to see if she might be here to help.

The exhaustion and the cold hit him a second later and he couldn't keep moving even if he wanted to. The most he can do is roll onto his side again just to get a good look at her. When he sees what she's got in her hand, he tugs his arms forward to offer up the handcuffs so she can unlock them. His range isn't too good, though. The chains and his injuries both keep him from barely lifting his hands out of the snow.]

[controlledvariable]

[The relief that he isn't going to fight her is undercut by how awful he looks, now that she can see him up close. But she ignores it, just like she's ignoring everything else she feels about Jesse, he's just someone who needs her help.]

It's okay, you're safe, I'm gonna get you outta these, and then we'll go somewhere warm.

[She keeps up a steady stream of chatter as she works on the cuffs, reassuring words to let him know that she's a friend.

She has to peel off her gloves to work, but forces her hands to stay steady despite the cold, and after barely a minute she has all the chains off him.]

I'm gonna get you up now, okay? Do you think you can walk for me?

[hostage]

[He nods along with all those promises she's making, but he's not really listening. Okay, yeah, they'll get to warmth and whatever if they get to it. He's more concerned with getting the chains off so he can run again, because he's pretty sure he's being chased - or that he will be, once they realize he's gone.

Once everything's off of him, though, he realizes that running's as much of a fantasy as a fireplace and a mug of hot cocoa. The freezing cold's making his already aching joints stiffen up. He manages to get onto his knees but he can't seem to pull himself any higher, not without help. Jesse looks to Steph with his good eye.]

I don't think...

[controlledvariable]

It's alright, I've got you. Just lean on me.

[With the lockpicks slipped back inside the inner pocket of her coat, she moves to help Jesse to his feet, putting one of his arms around her shoulders while her own goes around his middle.

Preferably she wouldn't move him at all, but she can't risk leaving him motionless in the snow. Still, she can't do this alone, either.]

I'm gonna call Mike, okay? I'll get him to bring a sled for us, but we'll start making our way towards him before then.

[She wishes she still had the power to teleport, this could all be over in a second, but until then she just has to make sure Jesse doesn't get hypothermia.

(Giving her coat to him does occur to her, but it seems like it'd make things more difficult when they need to keep hold of each other and she can't risk properly putting it on him when he's injured).]

[hostage]

[At least he doesn't weigh much. With all her muscle, Steph might even be heavier than him at this point. But the snow's making it really damn impossible to go far, despite Jesse's persistent efforts. He clings to Steph until he's somewhat stable on his feet, pushing past the pain, and he doesn't give himself a moment longer to recover before he's trying to walk.

The mention of Mike makes him look back to her. He starts to remember what this place is.

His urgency doesn't fade. Evil can follow him here as easily as anywhere. And it occurs to him that this is probably all in his head anyway, that he's getting lost in himself the way he does the more they do to him. But this world had a bunch of rules and a bunch of perks - like the dead being alive again - and if Jesse can just remember them all, then the two of them can get away faster.

How did it work, again..? Something about touching, he's pretty sure. He hopes she doesn't hit him. He looks inward, looks for something useful. Something's fucked up, he can tell - but then again, so's the rest of him, so big fucking deal. He'll think about it later. Superpowers, yeah. He has to give one to her. His nearly frostbitten fingers reach up to trace her cheek.]

Teleport.

[controlledvariable]

[Something about the gesture makes her heart ache, but she doesn't have time to think about it, not when she realizes what he's done.

They need to get out of the snow as soon as possible, so that's exactly what she does, taking them to the cabin that Jesse shared with Mike, where he died, but it's the best place she can think of right now. Mike's still at the Transporter, which means they have the place to themselves, and as soon as they're inside, Steph's first order of business is carefully guiding Jesse to the couch.]

There we go, this is a lot better than being stuck out there. We're safe now, and I'll get you fixed up in no time.

[She's talking just for the sake of it, still trying to reassure him. And now she sheds her coat, shaking the snow off onto the floor before she puts it around Jesse's shoulders, making sure his hands are tucked against his body.]

Are you cold?

[It might sound like a stupid question, but she knows she really has to worry if he's stopped feeling cold.]

[hostage]

[He's not paying all that much attention to what she's saying. The reassurance comes from their new location, not her words. They're far from the Transporter now, at least; he remembers that much about this cabin. He almost seems dazed as he sinks onto the couch and looks around. The memory of this place is more like déjà vu than actual memory, and he's pretty sure this is what he pictured in his head when he told Saul he wanted to go to Alaska, back when he was too stupid to know they were just planning to kill him, back when he actually believed they were going to give him a new life somewhere.

Anyway, it's weird.

He realizes she just asked him a question and looks back to her, nodding. Yeah, he's soaked and he's freezing, on top of everything else. But all that doesn't worry him too much now that they're indoors. It's drier, even if it isn't much warmer in here. He kicks his shoes off to get some of the damp off his feet and brings his hands to his mouth to breathe heat onto his fingers.]

Blankets upstairs.

[controlledvariable]

Don't go anywhere.

[She even manages a grin, like he'd actually be capable of that, like everything isn't awful, before she leaves him to go upstair. Once she's there, though, she teleports to her apartment and grabs her first aid kit and the heater that Jaime got for them, then she comes back to Jesse's, gathers up a bunch of blankets, and barely manages to get it all back down the stairs.

She sets the first aid kit down beside him, then hands over the blankets before putting the heater down nearby and turning it on, grateful that it's... magic or whatever the fuck it is. It'll warm the place up quickly enough.]

Do you know how badly you're hurt? 'Cause I can call Ashraf if you need more than I can do for you.

[Maybe she should just call Ashraf regardless, if Jesse doesn't seem opposed to the idea.]

Skyler

[hostage]

[There isn't enough time for a bath or a shave, which is what Jesse would have preferred, but he's at least scrubbed most of the blood and dirt off his newly-healed face and changed into fresh clothes - enough of a cleanup to keep from immediately frightening her, he hopes. There are still all the changes that magic couldn't repair: the way the few weeks have aged him years, the way he shuffles as if his legs are still chained together, the way he keeps his head bowed and avoids eye contact.

When he ushers her into his bedroom, he shuts the door right behind her. He doesn't want the others to hear, though they'll probably learn everything later. Mostly, he doesn't want them to hear her cry. He's certain she will.

With his hand still on the doorknob, Jesse looks at Skyler out of the corner of his eye, at a loss now that they're alone. He sees her in a new light, now that he's standing on the other side of everything she told him before. And then there are all the things she didn't tell him, and he wonders why - but first, he has to deliver all the news from his end.

It's just... he's choking on the words.]

[launderer]

[He looks terrible, and she's afraid of why. She's afraid of what he's going to tell her, and he will because he's a good person. She just hopes now knowing him the way she does that nothing she's done has led to this.

Sky tries to smile, but it's weak on her lips. Anything she tries to tell him would be worthless and pale in comparison to the obvious trauma he's been through. So she just touches his hand, a soft gesture to let him know it's okay. Whatever he has to say, she's strong enough to hear it, and she's right by his side.]

[hostage]

[His fingers curl around her hand, gripping it gently. He isn't thinking much about himself or what happened to him. What she was always mostly worried about was her family, so that rises first to his mind. And the truth is ugly, when it comes everyone's fate, but he'll tell her all of it. Walter White is the kind of person who covers these things up. Jesse can't be like that.

He takes a shuddering breath.]

Your brother-in-law... He went down fighting.

Him and his partner and me, we had Mr. Whi -

[He clears his throat.]

We had Walt. Trapped him. Your brother-in-law had him in cuffs and everything. Walt tried to come at me, calling me a coward and all that, so they had to separate us. They put me in Walt's car while they were getting ready to take off.

That's how come I didn't get shot right away. When, um... When Walt's people showed up.

[launderer]

[When she tries to swallow, her mouth is dry. It's just her tongue pressing up against the roof of her mouth. She knew Hank was dead, or rather Sky believed Walt when he told her over the phone. Hearing Jesse confirm it hollows out her chest, like ripping open a wound he had managed to help heal. She gives a flat nod, not really sure what to say, but she knows there's more.

He wouldn't wound up like this if there wasn't. He wouldn't look like a ghost if this is just the end of his story. There's more, and her eyes already sting. But she doesn't cry. She just looks at him, hand in his, waiting.]

Walt's people? You and Saul were Walt's people. [She doesn't understand.]

What happened, Jesse?

[hostage]

[He shuts his eyes. He can't help but go back to it. Something like that, it never leaves.]

He, um... He had a lotta people. Not just us. 'specially after I left. One of the guys - Todd - him and his family were all Neo-Nazis. Aryan Brotherhood, you know. Prison gang.

[He assumes she remembers when Hank lost all those witnesses in prison.]

That was them. Who showed up. Like they were ready for war, just started shooting. I snuck outta the car, but I couldn't really go anywhere with all the bullets flying, so I crawled under it and hid there, hoping they wouldn't find me. Saw the rest from there.

They tried to make your brother-in-law beg for his life. He told 'em to go fuck themselves. Then they shot him in the head.

[launderer]

[All of this doesn't come as a surprise. The fact that Walt would find someone even more horrible than the drug cartel just has her eyes wide open to what kind of man he truly is, and just what he would do. The news about Hank hurts more than it's shocking. Hank was a tough man, stubborn mostly. Hard headed, even. But she couldn't see him begging for anything. He went down like a man, and the thought is some comfort.]

Walt said he killed him. I suppose that's somewhat better than my husband killing my sister's husband.

[Her voice is dry, flat. There's no real tone as she slips into a numbness that eased its way in many times after learning about who Walt really is.

But then she looks a little concerned, reminding herself of the point of the story.]

What about you?

[hostage]

[Jesse looks at her hand, his fingers interlacing with hers.]

Walt saw where I was hiding. When the Nazis were packing up to head off, he told 'em. They, um... They dragged me out from under the car. He told 'em to kill me, so they had me on my knees.

Todd stopped 'em. Not 'cause he likes me, just 'cause... he wanted to find out how much I told Schrader, he said. He told Walt they'd torture it outta me, then kill me. So I guess he was cool with that, 'cause he let 'em take me away.

[He's trembling subtly.]

They didn't end up killing me.

[launderer]

[Maybe she should be relieved by what he said in the end, but her brows are furrowed, and Sky isn't taking her eyes off of him. He doesn't have to give her details, though she'll listen if he needs to talk. What he told her now is enough or her to get a decent idea of what he lived through.

How could she possibly make this better? Fingers absently touch his hand, making her presence known. She doesn't look at him with pitying eyes, and she can't know exactly what he's gone through. As much of the trauma that she's gone through at the hands of Walt, this was more. Not that Walt hadn't already done enough to both of them.]

How are you now? Do you-- need anything? [It sounds ridiculous to ask, but she doesn't know what else to do.]

Mike

[hostage]

[It's after everyone else has gone that Jesse finally sits down with Mike. After being back in their world, where Mike's long dead, that relief he'd first felt upon seeing him again is freshly renewed. And it's funny, because maybe Mike's feeling kind of the same thing, since the situation was reversed here. Funny in a not-really-funny way. It'd be great if the both of them could just stop getting themselves into these fucked-up situations.

Anyway, if there's anyone in the world who can make Jesse feel like things are okay now, it's Mike. Even if they're not really okay. He's starting to get that this all is just a temporary vacation for the both of them and eventually they'll go back to their world and face the music. But if any Nazis show up at their door tonight, Mike'll take them out. Jesse's sure of that much.

Jesse wrings his hands, looking down at them even while he talks:]

...You wanna start?

Re: Mike

[fullmeasure]

[there's a lot that Mike could start with; from the moment he saw Jesse back, alive, he was formulating it, listing every single thing he could think of to say, to yell—a lot of things he wouldn't normally say, regardless of what was going on.

Now that it's just them, sitting by themselves, he has no idea how to start. And he's never been a guy for a lot of words. Or any, if he had to. He sits back, regards Jesse for a long, long moment, before he folds his arms]

Not particularly.

[hostage]

[Mike has a great poker face, but Jesse can always sense when the guy's pissed at him. And he's sensing it now. As far as he knows, he hasn't done anything to earn that ire - except accidentally disappear to the wrong corner of the universe for a month. And maybe Mike was worried, or maybe he thought Jesse ran off on purpose to avoid his probation, but he ought to at least yell about it. Get it over with.]

Sorry if, um... You know.

It wasn't like I wanted to go back.

[fullmeasure]

[a lot of Mike's anger isn't directed at Jesse, though a good chunk of it is. The kid went missing, went home and god knows what happened there; it was probably a good thing that Ashraf healed Jesse before they decided to call Mike, or else things might've been a lot worse.

But Mike doesn't want to yell. Not right now, anyway]

I know. [he pauses, staring Jesse down]

You want to explain what happened before you were sent back?

[he won't call it a suicide. Not when he knew the kid was doing fine before all that]

[hostage]

[He meets Mike's eyes finally, his brow furrowing in confusion. As far as he remembers, nothing happened. Not that his memory's a thing to be trusted.]

[fullmeasure]

[that's . . . odd. Mike frowns at him, then leans forward a bit]

What's the last thing you remember, kid?

[hostage]

[Well, now he's thinking maybe he went and fucked shit up. Did he get into a fight or something? A parole violation? No... Everything had been quiet since the moon. He'd been avoiding everyone, keeping his head down like he was supposed to. He's pretty sure Mike was the only person he'd seen for those last couple of days.]

I was here, wasn't I? Fixing stuff up around the house?

[fullmeasure]

[Mike doesn't like where this is going. He frowns deeper, for just a moment, before he leans back again. His eyes don't stray from Jesse's]

And after that?