exsiliumlogs | [ open ] as cuddly as a cactus, as charming as an eel

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[ open ] as cuddly as a cactus, as charming as an eel

Date & Time: December 24th (backdated), sometime in the morning onwards
Location: The Museum of Old and New Art
Characters: An assortment of current residents of the creepy castle
Summary: Ill-timed maintenance, i.e. The Unintentional Ruin Of Christmas
Warnings: None!

Though it had taken some elbow grease and a certain level of penguin bloodshed, the castle has been a veritable haven of heat and light for the last couple of weeks, what with the presence of a surprisingly robust (and reasonably intact) geothermal power generator brought online. The snowy days have passed in relative calm since, though once or twice the more attentive may have caught the odd tremor in the ground (faint, perhaps no more than the rumble of a passing vehicle or heavy machine).

And so, when the occupants of the castle wake up this morning to find their breath misting in the air of their respective rooms, they might find it perhaps mildly disconcerting.

There's a helpful message on the network, should one turn to their tablet for answers:

To the residents of the MONA and associated premises:

Due to technical issues with the geothermal system, and for the safety of all residents, it has proven necessary to put all operations on hold for the next 24-48 hours. Efforts are being made to restore them in the shortest time possible.

Space heaters and portable lights are available in the main hall.

Sincerest apologies for the inconvenience.

-Chrysos.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The bed has become completely quiet. There is nobody under it at all.

Perhaps, amidst this whole mess, this "penguin" is looking for its more realistic counterpart.]

[ ...

He notes a distinct absence of smart remarks, nor the sounds of someone nosing about the room. You are.... not such a bad fellow, Chrysos. ]

Thanks very much. Look, I want to continue our conversation, but I think I will get changed first, and then come down to —

[ The truth is, of course, that there isn't one penguin in the room. }

Wark! Wark wark! Waaaark!

[ There are three. Red-eyed and baleful, they waddle their way towards Break and Chrysos with an air of impending doom. ]

[ ---BUT WHY

AND WHERE EVEN FROM

AND WHY ]

Edited 2013-12-30 08:53 (UTC)

[ ---is the mental scream of an instant, as Chrysos Kineas, Central Core Engineer Class I and veteran of many battlefields of Ridiculously Unfortunate Coincidences, promptly yanks out his gun in one hand and a hefty pipewrench in the other, brandishing both with a glint in his eye as hard as their steel.

Men may flee. Machines cannot. And so hereby lies his honorbound duty; defend the heater at all costs. ]

Edited 2013-12-30 15:49 (UTC)

[ Though that said, it does nothing for the cold sweat on the back of one's neck. ]

I thought you said penguin.

[ Kevin Is, unfortunately, completely oblivious to Chrys' heroism, for his entire reality has become one single thought:

Please Lord, please don't tell me I lost my virtue in a room with Xerxes Break and three penguins.

That. That is precisely why angels can't have a romantic life.]

Edited 2013-12-30 11:18 (UTC)

[ Break's mind ticks through the most likely train of events, to wit:

1. The castle temperature has dropped significantly, making it more hospitable to penguins, in general.
2. Chrysos left the door ajar when he walked in with the heater.
3. Break's ventriloquist penguin calls attracted... penguins.

He has tried very hard, thus far, to avoid directly engaging the penguins; they're sentient enough to bear grudges, of this he is certain. But now he is cornered, alas. He finds his cane and unsnaps it, revealing the steel of his sword. ]

Hellooooo penguins, how are you this morning~? Come and get plucked!

[ Chrys, being less privy to the whole state of affairs in the last several minutes, follows a slightly different train to its conclusion, which regardless happens, for all intents and purposes, to be the same as Break's, i.e. And Now We Must Deal Decisively With These Penguins.

The combined auras of ominous doom generated by the two men seems to give even the three penguins pause. There is a moment of silent staring. Of room temperatures plummeting further.

.... ]

Wark! Wark! Warkwark!

[ In cadences quite similar to Break's earlier calls.

Which may or may not, in fact, be Penguinese for we need reinforcements. ]

[Reinforcements is what Kevin fears the most. His experience with Mister Gilbert has taught him that penguins like to attack in large numbers. Worse, if this uproar continues, more people might show up to investigate Mister Break's room! One witness is quite enough, isn't it? Though truth be told, Kevin is already considering manipulating his memories. Why not? From what he has observed from the plumber's behavior tonight, it is quite possible that Mister Chrysos will be grateful to get any recollection of this event completely erased.

And so this angel is discreetly sneaking from under the bed and crawling towards the door. If everything goes according to plan, he will close it on his way out and fight any army of penguins outside. Nobody will suspect a proper and virtuous butler fighting ferocious penguins in the vicinity of Mister Break's room, isn't it so? And then he can turn around and gallantly save the two humans from the three remaining penguins. Yes, Kevin got this covered! Nothing can possibly go--]

Wark!

[The ominous sound comes right from the ceiling.]

[ Ceiling penguin watches you lose your virtue, Kevin?

Break doesn't hear the hum of a hovering Roomba, so at least these aren't flying Penguins. Even so, he can sense the bloodthirstiness coming from above, as the penguin launches itself down. In a flash, his sword is out, and —

Well the good news is, it's penguin stew for dinner this evening. The bad news is somebody's scrubbing blood out of the floorboards. Again.

Also, the balance of dignity versus safety tips not in Kevin's favor. Break calls out: ]

Look sharp, Mister Cecil!

[ Hopefully you've got your pants on, Kevin. ]

[ One cannot help but glance, of course, at the person to whom someone else directs a call, and so--

Well. There goes any plausible deniability.

The moment's inattention seems caught by the trio of penguins, however, and having come to the seeming decisions that 1) the one with the sharp stick is not to be trifled with and 2) that they are one for all and all for one, bellies take to the floor--

---and slide.

CRACK goes a gunshot, CRACK goes a wrench against a skull, immediately followed by two solid WHUMPS and a ]

--nghARGK!!

[ thump, as Chrys hits the floor face-forward, penguins at his shins. ]

[It bothers Kevin beyond the telling of it, but he must jump on the modern art chandelier to close the hole in the ceiling. The unexpected whirl wind is the only sign of his costume change. It happens just before Break so kindly makes his presence undeniably clear, and just in time to get penguin blood on his pants.]

...Mind the furniture, please.

[He is caught in that uncomfortable emotional spot between maiden mortification and divine wrath, and it shows.]

Edited 2014-01-02 05:04 (UTC)

[ The report of the pistol makes Break freeze momentarily (he hates guns). But then he registers the sound of Kevin doing something useful on the ceiling (angels) and Chrysos falling to penguin doom.

Some small part of his brain wonders about the sudden breeze, but the rest of it is in the zone, i.e. killing things.

When it's all over, Break is standing before Chrysos, one arm outstretched. He has put on a brilliant smile. Alas that he didn't also put on shorts, as his half-knotted robe has come quite undone. ]

Are you okay~? ♥

[ He's not entirely sure the smell of blood comes solely from the piles of fresh penguin carcass around him, or from the depths of his nostrils. He is sure, however, of the fact that at least 70% of his face did not appreciate its introduction to the floorboards, and he takes a moment after shoving himself upright to a sitting position to feel it over and check that his nose is in place.Glancing at Break between the gaps of his fingers. ]

Yes, yes, I'm f---

[ a strangled noise and LOOKING IN ANY OTHER DIRECTION BUT FORWARD ]

---pants, Break, light's sake will you put on some pants.

Mister Break, what are you--!

[Needless to say it takes only one glance at Break's state to cause Kevin to fall off the ceiling, embracing a furious penguin in a fight to death. They crash right in the middle of the bed. If anyone is not completely absorbed by Break's spectacle, they might notice a few white feathers floating peacefully,way too big for a penguin.]

Edited 2014-01-02 06:10 (UTC)

[ Of all the ungrateful... ]

What are you on about —

[ ...

...

...

sure is breezy down there. ]

[ This is when Kevin shrieks and falls on the bed with a not-too-painful-sounding thump. And the the penguin he's fighting sounds displeased, to say the least.

WELLP. The thing to do in this sort of situation is... ]

[ Own it. ]

What's the big deeeeal~?

[ He throws his arms wide. ]

It's not like anything you haven't seen beforrrre~! Hm, well. I suppose I am a bit chilly.

[ Without bothering to do up his dressing gown, he crosses to the wardrobe and casually plucks his purple snow suit from a hanger, then saunters toward the ensuite bathroom. Over his shoulder: ]

I say, Mister Chrysos. You sound like somebody's maiden aunt, who's grown prudish in her dotage. Hahahahhaa~!

[ The bathroom door swings shut. Sorry Kevin, you're on your own. ]

N-No, wait a moment!

[With a penguin beak squishing his throat and angry flippers batting his face, Kevin gives Chrys a pleading look.]

It was healing! He needed HEALING! He had to undress because---

[He grabs the penguin by the back of its neck, opens a window and flings it outside. Then he turns around and shouts at the bathroom.]

---HE IS AN IDIOT!

[ Kevin's pleading look goes unnoticed, as Chrys pointedly refuses to look directly at either party. Instead he trains his eyes on the sight of the last penguin soaring majestically through the sunlit air, arcing towards the snow below, a faraway expression on his face as of one contemplating the great mysteries of life, the universe, and everything.

Or perhaps just one having witnessed the Private Business of Xerxes Break. ]

......

[ A feather drifts peacefully upon his head. ]

I see.

Healing, was it.

Edited 2014-01-02 07:14 (UTC)

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