exsiliumlogs | "sooner or later, i swear; we're gonna make it."

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"sooner or later, i swear; we're gonna make it."

Date & Time: Very early morning, 2/28
Location: Apartment lobby; kitchenette
Characters: Riku and John Watson
Summary: Nightmares are, quite frankly, a horrible thing to go through. But, most soldiers do suffer them. Plus, microchips, damn those microchips. It's okay, though--we can have a cuppa.
Warnings: Possible blood because chip removal! Also, maybe talks of fighting. Subject to change.

[ the past few days, he hadn't been able to sleep. really, ever since he arrived, he hadn't been able to sleep.

... alright, really, ever since he had been infected with Darkness, when that power thrummed through his body, he found it hard to sleep as it conspired to completely tear him apart from the inside. not just physically, but mentally. fighting his inner demon day in and day out was an incredible chore that, while it sharpened his mental defenses, made him tired. he wasn't sure how to sleep normally anymore. he remembered reading a book once that said normal sleep, way back then, was usually interrupted by an hour or so. with that small bit of information, he found some solace in the way he woke up screaming from nightmares of not only himself being torn apart, but himself, possessed, hurting everyone he cared about.

usually, he could stay in his room and console himself by staying awake for a few hours, reading or working on maintaining a good form with his spells, or sometimes just obsessively washing dishes, something mindless. no matter how much he washed, he couldn't find something that would tear his mind off of his dark thoughts. he went for a walk instead, hopeful that the crisp air would help.

it didn't. so he just retired to the kitchenette, and, too tired to go back upstairs, washed a cup he'd found nearby, silent, dressed in too-large pajamas, hair still mussed and a mess from tossing and turning. he brought a hand up to rub at the mark on his face from the sheets before he looked down at his red hands. he distinctly wondered if that chip in his back was giving him worse nightmares somehow.

Riku sighed and set the mug down carefully as he crossed his arms at the edge of the sink and rested his forehead against them. ]

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[a bit longer and the water is done boiling, the doctor taking careful measures by grabbing a dishrag to hold the pot while he filled the cups with water.

he's noticed the slight pause before riku's words though. now he wasn't Sherlock Holmes, he couldn't figure things out since he sometimes saw but didn't observe, as he puts it. but, he manages to catch on a few things from time to time.

brows knit together thoughtfully while he made his tea how he liked it and gestured for riku that he's free to do the same with his own. ]

You.. didn't get it removed yet, did you. [he's speaking slowly, sounding like a question but more so a statement. the boy didn't look to be moving like he had gotten treatment done recently.]

[ Riku realizes that the cup's handle is angled for his left hand, and his mind quickly goes to how Jade realized how his arm was damaged. he takes his right hand and turns the handle so he can take it more easily, alternating between that and the sugar and cream.

he hesitates before he straightens, his usual stance a slight hunch like he's trying to disappear. he really does want to disappear this time as he looks over. ]

No. Maybe I won't.

[John flickers his gaze briefly to his arm, watching the handle and it clicks that something might be wrong. That, or well, he could just be right-handed. The doctor brings his gaze back up to Riku's face with a curious look.]

You won't? [He shifts, spinning the spoon in his cup to mix the contents with another thought.] I could remove it for you with no trouble, I've done the procedure plenty by now.

I don't need a procedure.

[ he knew John was trustworthy, he did but... his elbows shifted against his sides, an insecure expression that didn't quite look right on his face flashing across his features for a few seconds. ]

I'll just... deal with it.

[John isn't one to push but.. doctor mode, he's not sure he can take no as an answer.]

Sorry, hope you don't mind me being forward but.. I'm gonna have to insist. There's no saying what they can do with it. Not to mention it could cause an infection if you let it stay. [he's just concerned Riku.]

[ he had to put his mug down to cup where the chip was, beneath his long hair, eyes closed. okay, the nightmares have gotten worse... but...

was that a good reason to pry it out? what would the procedure do? he didn't want this sort of thing to happen... he looked at John in the eye, and with his messy bedhead hair, for once, his bangs weren't obscuring the emotion behind his gaze, scared and exhausted like a child that'd been lost and alone for days. ]

Can't you just... make an exception? I don't... [ what didn't he like? ... it was just knowing that he was putting some semblance of trust in another person with regards to his body, even if it was this small--it still felt so risky. ]

Maybe you can just show me how to do it. I'll do it on my own.

[Brows knitted together at the look, and he could feel the weariness run down on his own body and almost backed out for a moment. But he was sticking by his words. It was true that they didn't know what could happen by letting it linger, honestly John didn't want to take the chances.

Still, he let Riku continue instead of interrupting him. He could get the reason for the hesitation.. many reasons could come into play. Could be trust, risking the procedure, being not familiar with this kind of world and the people.. They were all strangers deep down to one another. Except for those from the same world.

His grip tighten a little on the mug and he finally shook his head.] You can't. It's specifically placed in that area so you can't do it yourself. There's also the chance you can mess it up and you really don't want to risk that.

[There's no hiding the stern look in his eyes, however there's also understanding. So now he's considering how to do the procedure.] I won't put you to sleep if it bothers you, you can be awake during it. [There's the promise of easing the pain though.]

I'm a doctor, I only want to help.

[ he grits his teeth for a brief moment, jaw tightening. the images from his nightmares were still fresh in his mind, his friends, innocents torn apart because he couldn't control the darkness still inside--

what if something happened? what if he couldn't control himself, if something triggered his senses... something that he couldn't control? he found his resolve weakening slightly at the understanding in John's eyes, but ... ]

You don't have to help me. I'm okay alone. Being alone-- [ he hesitates and furrows his eyebrows, looking at his tea. ] protects people. [ from me. ] I could hurt you.

[ "You don't have to help me. I'm okay alone. Being alone protects people. I could hurt you."

No.

Immediately John could feel his own body tensing up, jaw clenching with a slow breath through his nose and the mug makes an audible loud noise as its placed back on the counter. Not really intending to startle, just loud enough to snap his attention back to him.

Even if he really wanted to smack the kid upside the head. But he wasn't going to let the anger at that response get him that upset. He wasn't that kind of person. That's not a promise in the future as they get to know each other more however.]

Wrong. It's not okay being alone, and it's definitely not what protects people. Friends, others, they protect people.

[It snagged at his heart, those words. Because Sherlock himself had said words just like those. And as much as he wanted to prove it to him.. he didn't really get that chance.]

I'm willing to take that shot.

[ he brought his gaze back up to John as he heard the loud noise, instinctively tensing.

as defensive as he'd gotten in those tense few seconds, John's words... his defensiveness and sadness lightened as he heard his voice. it was funny, hearing those sorts of words from someone older than him, instead of someone younger than him, with an idealistic streak.

even his willingness to get hurt... ]

Heh.

[ the quiet, wry chuckle was almost hollow.

he sounded like Sora... a moment passed, before he just... slowly nodded. ]

Okay, Doctor Watson. I'll... take you up on that. It's made my nights worse anyway, it's probably better to take it out.

Good.

[John seems pleased by Riku's response now, if it's anything to go on by now. Though he adds a slight apology if he startled him with the sudden reaction.

He raises the cup back to his lips now glad he didn't break it in his act for snatching attention. Before he could sip though he quirks a brow, hearing the last of his words.]

..I take more than just trouble sleeping? Are you having nightmares? [He asks curiously, seeking a more direct answer now.]

[ I'm not a kid! is what Riku wishes he could say. but the way John speaks... more curious than concerned, makes him wonder. ]

You, too?

[Oh. Well, he wasn't really expecting this to turn into a show-and-tell ordeal. John just looks the faintest of uncomfortable, mostly since he didn't always talk about his nightmares. However, he does nod with a thumb brushing over the smooth surface of the cup.]

Yeah, had them before. Being in this kind of environment hasn't been helping them though. [small smile.]

Me neither. I bet no one's having great dreams right now...

[ he shifts his eyes from John's face to his cup, and then to his own mug. ]

I've had them for a few years.

Can't disagree on that.

[hard to have any pleasant dreams under this influence, it's been fueling his instead.]

Can you think of what made them start? [before he waits for an answer John speaks again, if to give reason to why he was asking.] Mine began with the war I was in, not a surprise having them here when war was the reason in the first place.

...

[ he took in a long sip of his tea, and swallowed it carefully to avoid scalding his throat. he felt like saying it's personal, but that wasn't fair--John was spilling himself out, too. and he was tired. ]

... when I destroyed my homeworld. [ just saying it makes him wince. ] I'm pretty sure that's why they started. I've never been in a war like you have... so I don't know how to compare it. [ he hadn't been scared at first, but as he slowly realized what he'd done... well, that was the stuff of nightmares. ]

You.. destroyed your homeworld?

[The tone John spoke in wasn't the "I don't believe you" range, there was a lot he hadn't believed before that he came to see real proof of so there was really no point in speaking in a tone that would suggest it. Course disbelief was often there, except now John could only sound puzzled.

After all, how can a teen like him destroy his homeworld? That would provide a lot of power like.. well, bombs or of some sort. ..Except not all worlds were the same, he had to remember that, some had magic and healing of sorts.

Magic.. could magic be strong enough to do that? Well, he bloody sure doesn't know.]

... yeah. [ he half-scowls at himself, hate bubbling in his chest. Just... mentioning it, making himself remember--

Looking at John, he realized that the older man really had no idea what he meant. ]

... worlds are all closed off from each other. It's why you don't know about magic or other worlds, not every world has them.

I opened a door to my world, and Darkness came in, and so did the Heartless. It destroyed everything--my whole world.

[He's quiet for a moment, trying to wrap his head around this. He's already becoming familiar with different timelines and the like, different worlds apparently too. How can one have the usage of magic and the other not, with proof there after all?

Still, he doesn't take Riku to be a villain or anything. Rather from the sounds of it..]

Did you know it would happen? The Darkness and.. the, Heartless? Is that what you said?

The Heartless. They're... mm. [ he closes his eyes, head downturned. ] I can't explain them.

No, I didn't know. I just knew that I could go outside my world if I opened it. All I've ever wanted was to find my strength in the outside world. I didn't know that would happen.

[The doctor doesn't push, if he been told to describe something called the heartless.. well, he wouldn't know how to either he's sure.

John straightens with a nod and seems to have guessed right with this bit.] To me it doesn't sound like it was your fault at all then, you took a shot at an opportunity. Many would have done the same in your situation.

[of course that isn't to say, well, destroying your homeworld is good. but from John's tone, he honestly doesn't blame Riku for it.]

[ ... give him a minute, because John not blaming him is a little weird. to him. after all, he did it all with Darkness, it was a big deal to everyone, but--

not.. here. there's a bit of weight that's released from his shoulders, and he finds himself smiling a little.

it won't fix things. John's acceptance won't fix his entire outlook, but... it helps. to think that other people in other worlds may not hate him just because he carries darkness, or destroyed his world. ]

I hope they wouldn't. [ though his words are more of a cautionary tale. ] ... thanks.

Sure. [though it's along the lines of 'just really saying it how it is' or how he thinks, can't help but trying to comfort the teen about things like that. he shouldn't have to carry guilt like that.

John's taking a few more drinks from his mug before he straightens, he isn't sure what much to do here.]

If you like I can take the chip out now, unless you want another try at sleep.

[even though he asks he kinda already knows the answer.]

Edited 2012-03-15 13:48 (UTC)

Now? Don't you need a special room or one of those masks?

[ not accusatory--but hey, he'd watched a medical drama or two when he was younger. ]

Well there's the clinic, it's only a short walk from here. Everything I'd need is there.

[he seems generally amused at the masks mention]

[ ... he hesitates. he's still... wary about this procedure. ]

You can really do it?

[he understands the hesitation, however John's own response is neither nor unsure. he's completely confident in his skills.]

Of course. I've gone through a lot of training and schooling to get where I am. [read: you can trust me on this.]

[ an exhale... then a firm nod. ]

Okay. Yeah.

[okay good, that gets a nod from him and since he's done with his cuppa he's going to set it back into the sink to wash later.

after does he start heading towards the clinic which should only take few minutes of a walk.]

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"sooner or later, i swear; we're gonna make it."

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