exsiliumlogs | 01 | Stabby Feels Central Ahoy

Entry tags:

01 | Stabby Feels Central Ahoy

Date & Time: 6th January, Night time

Location: Lucy's room or more precisely Lucy's bed

Characters: Natsu Dragneel, Lucy Heartfilia

Summary: Natsu goes to Lucy's room to figure out how to give his friend the worst kind of news.

Warnings: Lots of feels but other than that nothing much.

Dark. The dark would help him focus. Her scent would help imagine her in his head and allow him to play out way after way to reveal his deception to Lucy. Natsu was never one to meditate this much on any topic. But this, this was something beyond serious. Erza told him to tell the truth as soon as possible but every method and angle he tried until now only ended in the bitter scent of Lucy's tears. And honestly how could it end any other way? To find out that all of her family is dead. Gone before she could ever make amends.

There he was, sitting cross legged atop her bed his head in his hands as he growled his frustration through gritted teeth. Why? Why was there no way to not make her suffer like that again? She didn't deserve this. She was Lucy of Fairy Tail. She never wronged or hurt anyone. So then why did she have to lose everything beyond fairy Tail? She was not like the rest of them yet. She still had him despite the flaws. And Natsu could see he did love her especially that one time they went to pick her up when she ran off to her father's guild where a robbery took place. He saw that look. The look of a loving and proud father.

So then why couldn't he wait a month more? A year more? At least a week more after they came out of the First Master's spell. Stupid sickness. Stupid unfair fate conspiring against a kind and strong girl. A girl who laughed off the danger of having her skull crushed, choosing to stay with him trapped underneath stone. Why did he have to hurt that kind of girl?

Before Natsu could think on that any further though he heard the door to the apartment open and in came a fresher waft of the scent he had been inhaling for several hours now. He wasn't ready. But then he would never be ready. This was going to hurt her one way or another. So he sat there, head hung low trying to decide what kind face he would greet Lucy with

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Ah there's that sense of normalcy in their relationship he'd been missing for so long. Not to mention that well deserved kick. Natsu fell off the other side of the bed in a heap, his legs pointing up to the ceiling as he groaned from the hit. Wow that training was really paying off. Her kicks were starting to REALLY hurt.

"You're getting better." Yes he completely ignored the 'GET OUT' part.

Typical for Natsu to ignore her demands for him to get out. "I asked what you're doing in here!" She demanded instead, glaring at her friend. Privately she feels a little proud that her training is paying off at least! "I said to get out!" She perched on the bed, folding her arms.

God Lucy make up your mind; have him answer your question or kick him out! He can only do one!

"I can't tell you if I get out, you know." Natsu groaned out as he got on all fours then shakily picked himself up, moving his jaw with his hand to see if the damage was more extensive than first glance showed.

Edited 2013-01-06 01:23 (UTC)

Privately she hoped she didn't hit him that hard. If she actually hurt him she'd feel bad when she wasn't feeling angry. "Fine, then what do you want?" She huffs, anger giving way to mild annoyance as she tugs the ribbon out of her hair and runs her fingers through it instead.

He just has some random nonsense he wants to bring up or ask; once he's asked it he'll leave.

It hurt definitely but there was no real lasting damage. His nose was still in one piece and his teeth all in their place. At her question his aura seemed to grow deeper and more serious.

"Well...I need to tell you something. About...the time I come from."

That!? "I thought you told me everything already." Comoplain complain bitch bitch. "Just tell me in the morning, I'm tired." She griped, eyeing her friend.

Huh. Come to think of it it was weird he'd stay in her room waiting for something like this. She'd have expected it to be something more important.

"I didn't. And if I don't tell you now I might just never get the guts to do it again. ~~Or the chance since Erza would cut him up for sure~~" Natsu's brows knitted together as he sorted out the thin word soup in his head for the right words to use.

Natsu sighed deeply and gave Lucy a silent apologetic look.

So... he left something out? And whatever it was was probably bad if he was saying that much. Lucy sighed, scanning back and wondering what part he left out. Something to do with the games? Something to do on Tenrou-- ohgod, did something worse happen?

"All right.." She's not liking that look Natsu was giving her though. "What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Natsu sighed before taking a deep breath. She was right to be wary oh but if she only knew just how bad it really was.

"Remember when you asked me about how your dad was doing? Well...I...left something out." His eyes cast downwards trying to think again if there was any last minute miracle way to break it to her. There wasn't. He would have to hurt her for the sake of their friendship and trust. The irony of it all wasn't lost even on him. Some comrade he was.

"The bit about his business booming and growing was true. So was the part about him paying your rent..."

The wariness was only growing in her face when he brings up her father. "..." What did he leave out? Did he lie about her father not turning into a nice person? No that can't be right. His hesitations weren't helping either. "... okay..." she said very slowly, shifting on the bed slightly.

Not gonna lie, she had a feeling the conversation was going to get uncomfortable or something, real fast. What was going on? "... so what did you leave out?"

Moment of truth. Natsu was feeling those last minute jitters again. Already he could see himself telling Lucy to just forget it since it wasn't anything important. But she would stop him. That's the kind of girl she is. She'd stop him and then regret it. Another regret to add to her shoulders. He didn't want that.

"We finally came back from Tenrou island 7 years later so of course the first thing you did was go visit your dad's guild. He...wasn't there anymore. The clerk there then told you what happened."

Dammit this was going to break her. Natsu didn't want this dammit.

"He got sick sometime during those 7 years. And then about one month before we made it back...he...Lucy...he..." Natsu was stumbling at the last step and his voice was growing more and more uncertain.

"He died, Lucy." There was never a time in Natsu's life where he hated himself more than this moment.

Came back from Tenrou 7 years ago. Yep, he told her that. She went go visit her dad. Yep, he told her that too. Her dad wasn't at his guild any.....more...

... wait, what? And Natsu could probably see that slow process of realization, absorbing what she was being told. The annoyance and suspicion, even a touch of 'I heard this already' irritation in her face slowly started to drain away, replaced with confusion.

What do you mean he wasn't there? She wondered to herself.

Then confusion gave way to concern. Her father got sick? He always was a workaholic, but working himself to that point... but surely he got better. Maybe she even... she...

Oh. There. THERE it is. She started to clue in even as Natsu began to stumble in his words, color draining out of her face. Don't... you dare say it. Don't tell me -

Too late. And /wow/ is it hard to breathe in here or is it just her? Those three words...even just the one word, four simple letters, hurt more than any wound she ever suffered. It hurt more than when Gajeel was kicking her around when he was part of Phantom Lord. It hurt more than the countless battles they'd had, it hurt more than when Kain nearly crushed her skull.

She would rather have had that. She really, really would rather have all the beatings and battles if it just meant...

"What...?" Oh good, she finally found her voice, though it..still didn't feel quite real.

Natsu said he was fine. He said he was happy, that he was doing well! "..b...but you said.." her fists tighten, pressing against her knees. Her emotions didn't know whether they wanted to be angry or heartbroken, forming a complicated mix of both, turning into a hurt tone because she was lied to. By Natsu.

The absolute last person she ever thought would lie to her. And she knew, a part of her, WHY he did it, or suspected, but it didn't matter. Not now when she was feeling hurt and angry. "You told me he was fine. That he was happy. That..." Everything she said, about wanting to see her father - Natsu's reactions suddenly made so much sense now.

"You lied to me?"

Oh he saw it. And it broke his heart piece by piece. This was worse than anything he imagined. It was painful to watch the realization dawn on her, to hear her world crumbling around her like that. And her voice. Oh dear god her voice. That broken trembling voice.

He turned his eyes to the side feeling wholly unworthy of looking at her at this point. Yes he had lied. To prevent this. But now that it was out he wasn't going to hide from it or the consequences.

"I did. Because I didn't want to see you like that again. Hurting so much you couldn't even cry. I wanted to spare you that since you were still in the past. I thought that while we're here it wouldn't matter since it was going to happen anyway." If that fist wanted to fly at his face he wouldn't avoid it. He deserved it. Even if his intentions were good he did lie to her, betray her trust.

He can't even look at her. That was fine, she was finding it difficult to look at him, too, though for an entirely different reason. Her gaze felt heavy - hell, her whole body felt heavy. And cold and numb and ... this was all just a horrible dream, right? A joke. She was going to wake up and - and it would be morning and she'd be /home/ and her father would be ...

"Hlk." She chokes back a noise, tears building up but not wanting to fall yet. Not with a barricade of anger building in her chest because she wants to yell, and scream and just /shake/ him. He might have had good intentions in mind but that didn't excuse what he did. The lies, letting her believe something that... that could never happen.

"You..." Her heart isn't in it, but she does swing a fist at his face, "You -ASS-!" it's choked out in a desperate, broken wail. Whether or not it connects, she drops her hands slightly to grab hold of his vest in both hands to shake him for emphasis- no matter how angry she was, how upset, she was still mindful of the scarf(tm).

"You wanted to spare me?" She demanded, "I... you let me believe he was alive - he was fine!" Shake Shake. "You let me..." One month before they even got out of the First's spell.

He waited.

He waited for seven years for them to come back. For her to come back.

He took care of her rent for seven years. Never knowing if she would be back, never knowing if she was alive. Never knowing if she would ever see him again.

And now she never would. The rest of her composure rapidly shattering under the weight of it all, even her grip was weakening, sliding away on Natsu's vest. "...let me believe I would see him."

Oh god. Did he die thinking she still hated him? "That I would be able to..." Hands shaking, vision blurring. She can't.

She can't breathe. "Tell him I... didn't hate him."

And now when she goes back - she can't tell him. She can't tell him her adventures. She can't argue with him, she can't- she didn't... god why would he..how could he

Why couldn't he wait? Just a little longer. "That I..." It's harder to form the words. "I.." She clenched her fists, and at the first splash of a tear against the Fairy Tail mark on the back of her hand, the rest of her composure broke.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't right.

They were reconciling - things... they would have gotten better. "God..." She brought her hands up to her face, as if it would hold back the tears, as if it would help her bear the pain, curling downward into herself.

She can't even be angry at Natsu for what he tried to do. He had tried to spare her the pain after all - and it had to have been hard for him to keep it a secret this long. But the pain was still real - and the pain and sadness at knowing the truth was a million times greater than anything else.

Oh it connects. But despite the fact that it is far weaker than of the the punches he eats when bursting in on her, it hurt a hundred times more. Because he can feel the pain in how weak she hits him. Natsu only gives a troubled frown when she grabs his vest. If he were to put up even a shred of resistance she couldn't budge him an inch. But he didn't. If she wanted to kick him, throw him against a wall or just slap and scream at him, Natsu would accept it all.

He didn't know what to do really. There was no way to take that pain away like it never happened. And he could only imagine her real suffering if she let show this much. But when he hands started loosening the grip on him he raised his arms around Lucy thinking she might colapse on her knees from the weight of grief and lost.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I couldn't...You looked so happy talking about what you would do." And slowly his arms closed around Lucy. He had to be there for her. That was all he could do. He couldn't take her pain on himself, he couldn't reverse time. (oh the irony given the Eclipse project). All he had was himself.

She felt like collapsing to her knees. Standing just felt like too much effort, but if she fell to her knees she wasn't sure she'd ever get up again. Feeling his arms close around her, she stiffened, "DOn't -" Lowering her hands, her face streaked with tears, she had enough presence of mind to try and push him away.

Try, and fail anyway - because yes, if he didn't want to be budged, she couldn't budge him. But the push turned into more of a feeble punch, against his shoulder. "You idiot -" Another hit. "You jerk-" Her punches had none of the strength and all of the weight of her emotions, but when she reached up to hit his chest, it just... dropped to rest there, clutching at the vest instead. "You - you--"

"Natsu..." You NATSU you -- ... is not a very effective curse, but it slipped out in a soft sob nonetheless, her head resting against his shoulder, the sobs coming harder. If he hadn't been holding her at that point she would have completely collapsed on the floor.

This time he resisted. Strong arms held her slender frame as the emotions wracked her body. Grief, sadness, anger and betrayal. And he caused it all. One hand moved up to the back of Lucy's head pulling her in closer as if trying to let her pour it all into him.

"I know." two simple words meant to convey so much more. He was a fool, an idiot. A moron who was too clueless to do the right things from the start. What he needed now was some kind of crystalization of all of her grief and sorrow that he could hit and destroy. But the world was not so convenient. There was no big bad demon to destroy, no magic spell to set it all right.

No his name was not exactly that great of a curse but still the intent was obvious and felt. Natsu grit his teeth behind closed lips as he dipped his head lower against her shoulder. And he waited like that. Waited for her to let it all out. No matter how soaked his vest would get with her tears. No matter how much he hated the salty scent of her sorrow.

It hurt, and she wasn't sure what hurt more. The fact that his good intentions turns into this, or that if she went home - she had no family left. Well, no blood family. Fairy Tail was always her family but her father and mother - that was different.

At Natsu's simple response; the 'I know', she reached up with both arms, wrapping them tightly around around his waist, staying close in his arms as the tears worked their way out of her system. But the pain stayed - the grief felt heavy, blanketing her. His vest was probably wet as anything, and her body was still trembling from the weight of the emotions spent.

"Natsu.." Managing to speak, though barely above a whisper, still on the verge of breaking into tears again. "I can't... it hurts."

They were both bad but losing her parents was definitely worse. He had an inkling of what that was like but unlike Igneel, Jude was gone forever. Natsu had no answers. No magic way out. Natsu didn't let her go even once the tears were spent.

"It always does. It hurts as much as you loved the other person. But you're not alone, Lucy." For all that was worth. Natsu stroke the back of her head soothingly trying to convey what comfort he could. He really wasn't all that skilled in this kind of battle. Natsu squeezed her a little closer.

"So don't carry it all on your shoulders."

His words, his warmth and the feel of his arms around her - it was almost enough to make her tear up again. She managed to hold it back, knowing full well she was only going to cry later, into her pillows, when she was alone.

She wanted a spell. She wanted something to take away the pain and sadness. She couldn't bear knowing her father and her mother were both gone. An emotional blow - though she might think such words privately to herself, in a normal frame of mind she wouldn't say it out loud.

But the vulnerability brought it out in her. "Natsu..." She tightened her arms around him, taking comfort in his warmth. He was right - she had him, and she had Erza - and back home she had all of Fairy Tail, Levy, Gray, Wendy - everyone who supported her when she was troubled.

"Don't leave me alone."

It could be taken in the short term for right there, right then - or the long term. But either way, she couldn't bear it if she ever lost him. Any of her friends, really, but especially him.

He looked up a bit at the call of his name but didn't do anything more. He listened to her sobs and breathing, to the thumping in her chest. Unfortunately Erza's second order would have to be forgotten. Lucy had enough shocks from this alone. Natsu had no intention of adding to it.

He realy wished he had that spell for her. Would give anything to make it even but it just wasn't possible. In this world or back home. Loss was something no one had a cure for. No one except time and friends.

Her plea actually surprised him for a moment when it really shouldn't have. Maybe a part of him still expected some kind of punishment for lying to her the way he did. Regardless, Natsu pressed in closer and murmured next to Lucy's ear.

"I never will, Lucy." he promised, for this moment forgetting about everything else except helping Lucy through her troubled time. It should then come as no surprise that he had no intention of leaving her tonight unless she would tell him to.

What good was magic if it couldn't take away this pain?

At Natsu's promise, whispered so close like that, she didn't flinch in surprise, but relaxed against her friend, relieved. She couldn't express in words how glad she was that he was there - even if he was the one to tell her about her father's death in the first place. It was better than suffering the grief alone.

She heaved a soft sigh, though privately she was kiiiind worried that the second he let her go she was going to drop like a rock. Which would actually be hilarious in any other situation. "Thank you." SHe whispered instead. Just don't go breaking THAT promise.

It also should come as no surprise that it would be one of those few nights vocally that she didn't mind him staying overnight with her. Mark it on the calendar!

Magic was powerful but not all powerful. Igneel hammered that lesson into him from the start. There would be things he couldn't solve by burning or smashing. Back then he didn't fully realize what he meant with those words but now he knew. Didn't make it any less unfair though.

Still he felt her grow more slack against him and that was a cue for him to hold her even tighter lest she slipped out of his arms and that would've REALLY not helped.

"I don't deserve any thanks. But as long as I can help...that's all I need." Natsu said before slowly pulling his head back.

"I think you need to take a seat right about now." He hardly needed to but standing was probably becoming more effort than it was worth for her.

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Y-yeah I gotta break it XD; 1/2 (ohgod)

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More Teal Deer for you! A WHOLE HERD! 1/2

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