Emil Castagnier (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
knightofcourage) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
exsiliumlogs2013-07-11 08:24 pm
knightofcourage) wrote in exsiliumlogs2013-07-11 08:24 pm
[Closed]
Date & Time: July 11th, afternoon
Location: Unit 103
Characters: Emil Castagnier, Aster
Summary: Face twin meets face stealer, awkwardness ensues.
Warnings: Mention of murder and excess of blond teenage boys.
[Nearly a week of hiding out at Kaneis's place, and Emil still hasn't figured out a good time to do anything. He's been watching Aster through the tablet, trying to figure out what he knows - and it's not much, from what he's seen Aster say. It's not as though Emil deserves better, but the fact that Aster doesn't seem to remember anything about their meeting in the Ginnungagap makes everything even worse.
How could you tell anyone you'd killed them without a thought? Let alone taking their form for your own purposes? In all this time spent rarely straying from the room (impromptu hat adventures aside) he's thought of a thousand things he could say to Aster, but not a single one that Emil could go out and say right now without ruining everything for Aster - Aster, who Richter cared so much for and who seems like such a good person now that Emil has seen more of him. Everything he's seen says that Aster deserves far more than he got; Emil deserves the exact opposite. He can't just destroy all that...or so Emil tells himself.
And so five and a half days of thinking himself in circles later, Emil's sitting around in Kaneis's room when he hears a knock at the door. He's a little bit curious, but figuring that the caller must be a friend of one of the (permanent) occupants here he elects to stay where he is. Less awkward questions that way, right?]
Location: Unit 103
Characters: Emil Castagnier, Aster
Summary: Face twin meets face stealer, awkwardness ensues.
Warnings: Mention of murder and excess of blond teenage boys.
[Nearly a week of hiding out at Kaneis's place, and Emil still hasn't figured out a good time to do anything. He's been watching Aster through the tablet, trying to figure out what he knows - and it's not much, from what he's seen Aster say. It's not as though Emil deserves better, but the fact that Aster doesn't seem to remember anything about their meeting in the Ginnungagap makes everything even worse.
How could you tell anyone you'd killed them without a thought? Let alone taking their form for your own purposes? In all this time spent rarely straying from the room (impromptu hat adventures aside) he's thought of a thousand things he could say to Aster, but not a single one that Emil could go out and say right now without ruining everything for Aster - Aster, who Richter cared so much for and who seems like such a good person now that Emil has seen more of him. Everything he's seen says that Aster deserves far more than he got; Emil deserves the exact opposite. He can't just destroy all that...or so Emil tells himself.
And so five and a half days of thinking himself in circles later, Emil's sitting around in Kaneis's room when he hears a knock at the door. He's a little bit curious, but figuring that the caller must be a friend of one of the (permanent) occupants here he elects to stay where he is. Less awkward questions that way, right?]
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[Emil can't just tell him everything right now. But he can't just let Aster shoulder the blame, either. Everything that happened - no, Aster did everything correctly.]
I was the one who reacted so badly. The other spirits all were able to move on and form pacts with Sheena when she needed them. Even Volt, who probably felt much the way I did.
[Thanks for that information, Sheena. Her tale of what Volt did to her village still strikes a painful chord with him, so the memory's stuck.
But at least Volt got past it. Emil? He doesn't even have the courage to agree to form a pact with Sheena, even when he trusts her absolutely. Sometimes it feels like he's as good of a summon spirit as he is a human, i.e., not very.]
It was me who couldn't accept what happened. I was the only one who went so far that I would have gone out and tried to erase humanity from the world. If it hadn't been you, it would have been someone else...it wasn't because of anything you did at all.
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[Ratatosk had certainly grown a lot from when they first met, despite their very short and unpleasant meeting at that. Aster can be assured the world will be in good hands once they return. It's doubtful that he'll ever be able to fully place blame on Ratatosk. There will always be a part of him that will continually feel like it's his fault as well.
He straightens his posture, looking over to the wall.]
If I may ask, I'm wondering if it is possible for us to start over.
[He looks back to Emil and offers another small smile.]
It may be difficult, but I would like to get to know you better as you are now, if that is okay.
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[He's hearing it, but...can that really be what Aster wants? Even after what Emil's heard from Richter, he can't possibly imagine that Aster would continue to think like this.
He deserves Aster's hatred, not his apologies. Not a new start. And the worst part is, he can't bring himself to say no either - to deny Aster what he wants.
So there's a period of silence as he waits for Aster to change his mind and a few confused glances, and then he looks visibly uncomfortable as he says it, but eventually Emil responds.]
...If that's what you want.
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[That hesitation weighs on Aster, but he's determined to make this work. He's dead on his world. Nothing will change that and it make take him some time to fully accept, but Ratatosk had the courage to apologize to him. To speak to him. Even if it took more time than Aster would have liked to track him down to begin with.
He's never been one to hold grudges and surely, he could never hate the spirit that his life revolved around for so long. If after all that research and time he snubbed Ratatosk now, then what would have been the point of it all? No, speaking to him one on one is what he always wanted. To have him help balance the world, to save it, and the people on it. All of that did happen.]
Courage is the magic that turns dreams into reality.
[For the first during this whole conversation, Aster has a genuinely happy smile.]
As long as we have courage, I am sure we can begin again.
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That's right, Aster was the one who told that to Richter in the first place. That was how Richter passed it on to Emil. From Richter, to Emil, to Marta and all the rest of his friends - it all came from him, at the source.
He owes a lot more to Aster than he even thinks about, doesn't he?]
...Richter told me that, when we first met. It's meant a lot to me ever since then.
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Aster's more than pleased to hear Richter told Emil that and that it helped him. Not that he is surprised. Richter is a good person and would do anything to help someone, even if they were the jarring spitting image of their friend.]
I am glad he was there to help you find the courage you needed. Richter's always been a good friend like that.
[Aster can't remember when he first told Richter that, but it was soon after they first met. To think he's the one saying it now? It's actually nice. ]
It has always meant a lot to me as well, ever since I started going to Sybak.
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[Director Scnheider had said Aster was...nine, when he started? To believe in things like that, at such an age - that's not something Emil could have done himself.]
You really are amazing.
[It's half observation, half admiration. Emil's figured Richter's friend must be a great person ever since Richter told Emil about him in Iselia, but even knowing that listening to Aster makes him realize that was only the beginning of it. Aster seemed to have a lot of courage, didn't he?]
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That is kind of you to say, Ratatosk. However if there is anything amazing about me it is only because of the people who supported me.
[If that little bit had happened any other time, with any other conversation background outside of 'you're dead', Aster would have been thrilled to hear Ratatosk say that to him, even if he didn't agree. It's like his life's work is giving him a compliment. How many researchers could say that? ]
Richter and Rilena are amazing people.
[A slight pause.]
I suppose you wouldn't know her, but she is a talented researcher in Sybak as well.
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I met her once when we were looking for information about you, but it wasn't for long.
[He'd been too wrapped up in his own problems at the time, and besides she'd just gotten out of danger after the incident in the Temple of Lightning. For Aster's sake, though, Emil wished that he could have gotten to know a little more about her back then.]
I think she's doing all right.
[And that's the most he can offer, unfortunately.]
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Still, it's enough to know she's doing okay. The news had taken such a turn that Aster nearly thought something happened to her as well. 'I think' may be small, but it allows him to set aside one worry during all this. He looks relieved at that small bit.]
Is she? I am glad to hear that. She is a nice girl although I imagine the meeting between you two was...interesting.
[The polite way of saying very awkward.
Talking about his friends like this is comforting in a way and painful in another. He will never see them again.]
What kind of information were you seeking?
[There's nothing that Richter couldn't have told him after all.]
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At the time, I didn't know who I was at all. After we went to Sybak, everyone started thinking that I...might actually be you.
[Talk about awkward. Yeah, Emil really regrets that part of his life right now, along with many other parts.]
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In fact, he would have initially thought the same if their situations had been swapped. Their appearances were eerily similar.]
That would have been a reasonable assumption to make. Since arriving, many people have assumed that I was you or that we are related in some way so it's understandable.
[Ratatosk seems to have many friends here, which makes Aster happy he can experience that part of being human.
Then he raises his hand and points towards Emil's neck, then towards own collarbone.]
I have a birthmark on my collarbone shaped like a star. If a similar situation ever occurs again, I suppose both of us will know what to look for.
[Aster says that to lighten the mood between them and partially because it's one of the few ways to legitimately tell them apart.]
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[Emil unconsciously lifts his hand towards his neck, then drops it once he realizes what he's doing.]
It was that close, when I...well, you know.
[He's still not very comfortable with discussing the fact that he basically stole Aster's appearance. That goes especially when they're out in the open like this.]
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...That is a surprise. I didn't think the similarities would extend that far.
[That truly explains why Emil would have been completely confused in Sybak. That is the one thing that might have separated them and it only makes them closer now. A summon spirit's ability to change is really remarkable.]
Telling us apart will continue to be difficult for people, it seems.
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[Emil wishes he'd chosen better back during the Blood Purge for so many reasons. He can't think of anything that distinguishes them by themselves, and he doesn't really have anything distinctive like Decus's Eau de Seduction (not that he'd actually use that cologne!).
Maybe if he got one? Something a little bit better than cologne. He thinks for a second, and now after the duct tape adventure the other day...]
I could get a hat.
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Aster stares at Ratatosk for a moment and then just laughs quietly. That sure is an idea. It had mostly been a passing comment. One he hadn't expected to be taken seriously since there was very little that could be done.
A hat probably wouldn't cut it. This is the most awkward conversation he's ever had in his life. Thankfully for Ratatosk, they haven't social linked enough for Aster to start teasing him.]
...That could be a possible solution. However, the clothes we are wearing now would be suitable for that purpose. They are very different.
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Really, Emil hadn't considered that it was as good as clothes until Aster pointed it out.]
Oh. Right...I'm sorry. I wish I could do more, but I can't while I'm here.
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[Although, it wasn't done on purpose or out of malicious intent, it still feels awkward to realize there's a near clone of you walking around. Aster wouldn't have stopped Emil from changing his hair color or anything along those lines, despite the fact this is now his body too. There's not much either of them can do.
Which leads into another question, since they can't change their appearance in any considerable way, there were bound to be more questions.]
The hat aside, how did you want to proceed as far as an explanation to this situation?
[His death is pushed to the back of his mind. For now, he has to remain calm about it. Get details and facts worked out. Then he can leave, and reflect on his own time. He doubts the person in front of him wants to be known as a murderer and his death is the last thing he wants brought up in conversations now.]
I imagine the question will come up again.
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[That's a good question, one Emil hasn't really thought about. He can't think of a good explanation off the top of his head. What reason could there be for people to look so similar, aside from truth? Passing themselves as relatives doesn't seem right.]
I don't know. Maybe some kind of magic, or...something.
[Attributing it to magic isn't wrong, at least.]
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[He doesn't enjoy lying, but it's not completely untrue. Aster also realizes this wouldn't be possible to people they were close to, but at the very least it offers a starting point should it ever arise again. Instead of them trying to figure out a response, and if they ended up being different from one another, that could cause problems.
Odds are Aster will end up explaining magic anyways in those situations, totally derailing the conversation.]
...That should be a sufficient answer.
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[Emil's not all that happy with it, but he knows Aster can't be either. And yet there don't seem to be any better alternatives at the moment, so here they are.]
I wish I could do more. I'm sorry.
[He's apologizing a lot and he's aware of that, but if there's anybody who deserves that it's Aster. And Emil knows that if this were their world, if he weren't so far from a place where much of his power had more meaning, then would have been able to change his own appearance again. It would have been hard, because people knew him as he was now and Emil himself was among them, but really it would only be fair.
Of course, if they were on their own world Aster would be probably dead to begin with. If only there were some other way.]
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[While that may come out harshly from another person, it's spoken gently by him. If this were any other time, he would have thought it was interesting. Maybe even by honored Ratatosk chose his body to emulate. This isn't one of those moments, but it's not as though Aster harbors ill feelings. Just awkward feelings.]
It was a mistake. Taking my body's form was not intentional and I see that.
[None of this was intentional. While it may have started off malicious, it was still a mistake. Cautiously, he raises his hand and places it on Emil's shoulder. After all, if they're going to face this head on, then they're going to have to acknowledge each other. To have courage.
As quickly as he does it, he recedes his hand back with a smile and stands up.]
It will be okay.
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"It will be okay," he'd said. Emil still thought it felt strange trying to convince himself of that. But hearing it reminds him of being home, traveling with his friends, and Emil responds to that. His friends always believed in him even when he didn't, and...he misses them. Maybe he ought to talk to the ones he has here sometime? He's not sure.]
...Maybe.
[It's a step, at least.]
I guess we'll see with time.
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What should he do now? Work on his relationship with Emil? He didn't want the summon spirit to hold onto that guilt when it was obvious he felt terrible about it.]
Correct. I am sure a war will require much time here.
[Then with the slightest of waves, he adds:]
I think I am going to head back to the library. Thank you for taking the time to speak to me today.
[A slight pause.]
...Please keep in touch.
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[He's leaving now. Emil feels relieved for that himself, because he feels like he needs a little space right now and he can't even imagine what Aster must be feeling right now.
Still, he feels like he should say something more after all of this.]
This isn't where I normally live. My room is across the hall from here, if you ever need it.
[He knows it's not new to Aster (he'd seen Asbel mention it on the network, which was frustrating but not entirely unforeseen given that the only person he'd talked to about this was Kaneis) but it feels better to say it himself - like an offer, if and only if Aster wants to take it up.]
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