exsiliumlogs | beneath the stars came falling on our heads

( September 1st: also known as the day of many hangovers.

Not for Atlas, though. Donny woke up, had a shower, made breakfast, packed up some lunch and headed to the clinic all day. The virtues of not really drinking very much! Except, he did then work in the clinic all day, and patrolling is a thing that has to happen, because the early days of the month are always sort of chaotic.

He's moving along rooftops when he notices Ella. She's pretty easy to recognize, with how often Donny has seen her, now, the way she moves and everything. But she isn't really moving in a way that suggests "Hi, my name is Ella and I'm totally fine," so he's following along until there's a chance to drop down into the street without alarming her, landing some ten meters away from where she is. )

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( that is not the response he was looking for. Atlas takes a step towards her, before it kind of clicks that she's freaked out rather than just surprised. Atlas withdraws a step, hands held up, palms open - it's okay, I'll stay over here.

That does make passing post-its a little more challenging.

Even so, after waiting a couple of moments, he waves (nowhere near the awkward gestures of Donny Casey, the entire way this guy moves is different) before grabbing some paper and a pen from his utility. )

I'm sorry I startled you. Are you okay?

( Held out, offering, so she can either gesture him closer, try to read it from there, or grab it from his hand. )

Edited 2013-09-02 21:09 (UTC)

[ Ella sits up, looking slightly bewildered. She understands right away that the guy is either harmless or really intent on looking harmless; she would usually assume the later, but she's too damn tired to care at the moment.

Standing slowly, she notices the paper. Alright... ]

This- this is kind of new. First time I get an apology card.

[ She looks from the note in her hand to the guy in front of her, to the note again and then to his clothes. And then his face. ]

You look...familiar.

( A cheery grin, as if the thought of him being familiar wasn't terrifying, as if her knowing that Atlas and Donny are the same person would completely undermine what he does. The possibility of him being reliable, capable. )

My name's Atlas. Are you from New York? You might have seen me around.

( Hopeful, almost, as he hands the note over. What, even vigilantes could get a kick out of being recognised, couldn't they? It was what made criminal more afraid of them.

Never mind that he knows better. Never mind any of that. Mostly he just needs her to be okay with him because damn, girl. You look awful. )

[ Ella tilts her head at the next note. ]

Angels and demons, and crazy church people, sure. But not an Atlas, sorry. [ She gives him another look. She can't quite put her finger on it. ]

Could have certainly used a superhero back home. Not that I'm complaining, I mean...

[ She waves her hand, smiling a bit. ]

You must be pretty busy with the weight of the world on your shoulders, right?

( Bummer. He droops, briefly, superwoeful, before almost instantly perking up and shrugging, a particularly chilled out, well, what can you do? sort of gesture. Although: )

Vigilante. Superheroes are the ones who everyone recognizes.

( Conspiratorial, with a bit of a grin. ) Yeah, but it's a really awesome work out.

( Hesitating, before he jots up another note, and he holds that one out as well. ) I just thought I'd drop by because you looked kind of under the weather.

[ This guy...she has seen him before, but Ella's mind is going places. Maybe she ran into him once, or something.

Certain name that starts with a D but not really rears its shy, overly anxious head, but Ella jots it down at once. But he's not talking because it would obvious- ]

Aren't vigilantes like, illegal or something?

[ This is really confusing. She was certainly not expecting to run into some random, attentive, attractive (!?) hero of sorts today. ]

I held a party yesterday, maybe you heard about that. Shouldn't have drank though.

( A rueful grin. ) We do what the legal system can't or won't.

( She's right, and it's why he taps his mask. See? Protecting your identity is important for many reasons.

There's a kind of oh expression, and then his smile is a little more sympathetic. )

I heard about a party. Maybe you should rest up and let someone else do your chores for you.

( or whatever it is that has her out of bed. Seriously, though, Ella. ) I'm prescribing toast, bananas, fruit juice, water, painkillers. Not aspirin, that'll aggravate the lining of your stomach.

You're totally illegal.

[ But the way she says that makes it obvious she doesn't care. ]

I'm not doing chores. Just...walking. [ Random Ella fact: sometimes she can't stand being idle. Her smile becomes a bit strained, but then t grows a bit at the list. Maybe he's taking housekeeping advice from Donny or something. ]

I'll consider it, promise. Hey, can I...talk to you? Like, I know you want your identity secret so even if we know each other, you wouldn't mention stuff I tell you to me because it would be obvious who you are. [ She knows this much from comics. ]

But is...kind of private stuff I need to get out of my chest so I don't want to tell you stuff and make you feel bad. The job designation is hero, after all, not counselor.

( Yup. He totally nods. It's true.

And then he's making a face. Just walking? Seriously? It's written all over his expression, as he leans back against a wall and crosses his arms. Come on, now.

Another beat passes, and that incredulity - because seriously, lady, your body needs to recover - melts away into something more concerned. He doesn't bother with the notes, just nods. )

[ She hesitates for a moment before leaning against the wall as well, hugging herself without noticing. ]

I can't get hurt. It's a thing I have, I guess. A power. But because things related to this power...others actually wanted to hurt me, kill me actually. But when you can't get hurt, people tend to get...creative.

[ She sighs. Her tone is neutral, her face remains light. It's just regular Ella talking, right? ]

It makes your mind go...places. Bad places. I'm usually good at blocking that stuff, but sometimes I just can't forget, you know? Makes you wish you could go back at not being special at all. To be nothing.

( His jaw tightens, heat flaring over his skin. Nothing visible, not even enough of a wave of heat for her to feel, but it's the kind of anger that happens when people get hurt. When he remembers Asteria hurting Max, getting creative tearing out their memories and stitching them into each others dreams.

Adonis is bleeding into Atlas. Atlas pushes him back down. She's saying it like it means nothing, but Max says things lightly all the time, buries things and hides them away.

And then she says that. Being nothing, and he wants to tell her that it's wrong, because being nothing is painful, it's full of desperation and being nothing means you're hollow. That you're some kind of void.

He says nothing, but keeps watching her, waiting for her to keep talking. )

[ It doesn't really matter if he hides it well because Ella can't tell. She's going There, that dark place in her mind she has barely looked at in two years, and the more she speaks the further she feels from the world. ]

What would you do if you knew the only way to save everything was to let yourself fade? Disappear, let something better and more powerful use you, burn you and forget you?

[ Ella blinks, her eyes suddenly burn. ]

I would do it, if I was asked. But I wasn't asked, I never had a choice, no liberty no nothing. I'm just...just the glorified puppet everyone likes to handle for their own goods. I thought I could forget about it here, just be a normal person, heck, a weird person even. [ She shakes her head slowly. ]

It haunts me constantly. And I either pretend all is good and joke around or whine to the first nice guy I meet. No wonder you remind me of Donny, I'm basically ruining any chances to have friends here.

( And his gaze drops. Because that was the solution, wasn't it? Not to let something more powerful use him, but to disappear. To be gone. Because that would save Max from Asteria. If he'd never been, that would have kept Max away from her completely, maybe. If he disappeared then it seems like so many things would be better.

But Ella is still talking, she has her own problems, and Atlas should be better than this. Atlas should help. He takes a step towards her, before he realizes what's coming, and it feels like somehow stepping into the words just made the force of them worse, that other name leaving a resounding sting across his chest, throat, like it stripped his skin raw.

No wonder you remind me of Donny. Atlas reminds her of Donny? Atlas reminds her of the-- the stupid coward? Atlas reminded her of that?

He has to cover it, moves closer by another step, cautiously laying a hand on her shoulder. What does he even do? There's no way for him to protect her from the things in her world. )

I'm sorry. ( But it's useless. It doesn't change anything. )

[ She would so punch Atlas for thinking like that of Donny, but she's too caught in her own stuff at the moment. Also, Ella can't read narrative.

She looks at him, and smiles a bit. It's a sad smile, but then she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. And another. And another. Ten breaths later she looks relatively normal- the facade is back in place. ]

Okay, that was...liberating. Sad, I know. [ She pats him on the shoulder, her eyes full of apology. ] Don't feel bad because of me, alright? We all have stuff to deal with and I don't plan to let this get the best of me.

We should do this again though. But without less drama, don't you think?

Edited 2013-09-04 18:19 (UTC)

( Atlas isn't quite sure what to do with this situation, this apparent dumping of emotion, of all this important stuff and suddenly wrapping it up, locking it back away. It makes him think of the Sphinx, of the way she chains everything away, suppresses it. His mouth tugs into an unhappy frown. )

You don't have to lock it away all the time.

( He's a hypocrite, but the division is the only thing that makes him feel like Atlas can keep moving, functioning, despite the weakness that Donny bores into, a termite undermining the oak. )

It's not drama. It's important.

I know. I know.

{ Why is he still talking about it. She's done. Done. ]

I feel gross. Starting to cry right now is only going to make everything worse. You know what's ironic? I'm immune to nearly everything. Sometimes I think I get hungry because I'm scared that if I didn't I would stop being human. Just like breathing...or getting hungover.

[ She rubs her stomach. ] So I'm probably doing this to myself. Ever heard of a case of self-inflicted humanity?

[ Ella smiles, but it's forced, angry. ]

Can you do anything besides being an outstanding listener?

( It doesn't seem done. Shutting it down and ignoring it, that didn't mean it was done. That just meant it could fester, eat away at you. It could turn into something like decay, so that one day you go to move and just give in on yourself. Atlas frowns, watching her carefully. His gaze drops to his notes, and he writes the next one slowly, handing it over and sorry that writing forces him to turn his attention away from her for a second. )

The wanting to be human is the important part. If you forget about it, that's when you lose who you are.

( And just a shrug, a sort of that stuff doesn't matter. This is more important. )

It's not like I'm forgetting anytime soon.

[ A new side of Ella arises; anger. Her skin seems to flare for a moment, sending an oppressive wave of...something, as if gravity suddenly increased for no apparent reason. It lasts a second, but it's there. She closes her eyes and forces herself to remain in control. ]

I'm telling you stuff. It's only fair you share.

Edited 2013-09-07 17:36 (UTC)

( Tilting his head at the anger, at the weight that it brings with it, Atlas can't quite get himself to force a smile. Not in this situation, not with something so serious. If she hadn't sounded so miserable, so angry, he might have told her that sharing something with people under the expectation of making them share is a kind of shitty thing to do.

But Ella had been respectful of Donny, too, without pushing him to share after she spoke to him. And sometimes he wonders if the uniform is too much trouble, drawing attention and setting up expectations at it does. He's not hesitant so much as deliberately slow to respond, steady, and maybe the weighted delay is enough to suggest it, the look to say the comment was unnecessary.

He's all for equal exchange, and he'd not kept from commenting to hide anything from her or for secrecy, but the angry response makes him bristle. I will execute great vengeance on them with wrathful rebukes. Then they will know that I am the Lord, when I lay my vengeance upon them. Wrathful rebukes can entail what exactly, when she's trying to hold onto her humanity? )

Earth and fire magic.

[ The worst part about fighting your very nature is that the moment you start fighting you are already losing.

The anger is short lived, but the self-recrimination will be there to last. She can make you love her, revere her, kneel before her and lick her shoes. She can, if she really wanted, if she let that power flow free and make her drunk with might, order you to die and you would end yourself in the spot. She thinks about it every single day of her life, and knows that is a losing fight.

Most people want power, but Ella knows what is power. She is power, and she wishes she didn't have it. Before coming to the island she was trying to find a way to get rid of it, but now she's stuck. Stuck and slowly losing the fight for her humanity.

Atlas' neutrality is both irritating and saddening, but other than the shame of letting that flare go Ella keeps herself collected. ]

Earth I can understand, sort of, but fire? Wouldn't air make more sense?

Edited 2013-09-07 22:34 (UTC)

( To his credit, despite the reminder of how he can't master his potential with air magic, get it to work at all, he doesn't react at all. It feels like a slap in the face, but she doesn't know. )

Why do you think it'd make more sense?

( Sometimes, it's just better to get people talking. )

Well...you're Atlas, right? You're all that is between the ground and the sky.

[ Wow, that sounds kind of cool. ]

Besides if you use fire you could- let me show you.

[ She extends her hands, holding one above the other. Waves of heat come from the lower one, while the other one...well, nothing can be seen, but a moment later a current of wind if formed between her hands. Dust and trash pick up speed and spin around the sudden gust of wind, and with a sweeping motion Ella throws it away, where it dies quickly enough.

She looks very pale, but somewhat excited. ]

Hey, you saw that? Hot air plus cold air equal wind currents. You should give it a try.

Atlas was the first Titan. He had to carry the sky, but he wasn't a master of it.

( It hurts, incredibly, and part of him is so angry with Ella for using the air like it's nothing, for doing what he can't do, what he struggles with. Tension is working through his shoulders and down his back, but his expression remains gentle. It's not her fault.

He still resents her a little bit, but he can temper his anger. )

My magic doesn't work that way. ( And then, one more note: ) Do you need help getting home?

ella ellis → september 1st.

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IPOD STAPH SCREWING WITH EVERYTHING

misread that as Steph DAMN IT BATGIRL MUST YOU DO THIS ALWAYS

It made me delete a comment now it looks terrible >:O

I have narrowly saved myself from doing that on my phone so many times

I usually realize the mistake but alas

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