exsiliumlogs | Awake

Date & Time: Thurs Sept 19th, probably morning ish?
Location: Infirmary
Characters: Kili and whoever would like to pop in and visit
Summary: Kili's waking up from dying during the party
Warnings: talk of death, angst

[It feels like breaking the surface after being under water too long. Kili's lungs burn and he gasps for breath, chokes, rolls onto his side and struggles for air. There's voices around him but he can't quite make anything out. It's all he can do just to breathe, panting and twitching slightly where he lays.

His fingers curl, feeling the soft fabric of bedsheets. He holds to them and his eyes stay closed as he tries to make sense of what's happened and where exactly he is. There's a distinct lack of warmth on either side of him, so he can't be in bed with Fili, and that's the only place he can think that he might be, after such an awful nightmare...

Snatches of it come back slowly, the agonizing pain, Celebrian singing, blood and broken bones and crushed lungs, Fili's horror-stricken face...

It feels so real. More real than any of the nightmares he's ever had before. He's still shaking and breathing hard, feeling weak as a lamb and scared. He'd been dying, and he can't shake the image of Fili holding onto his hand, watching him die. Kili shudders violently and sits up, finally opening his eyes.]

...Fili...?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Fili has always been an anchor to Kili, ever since they were children. Where Kili is wild and too energetic and thoughtless, Fili's more sensible, stopping Kili when perhaps his ideas were a little too reckless and taking care of him when his wild plans went badly wrong.

While perhaps this time Kili isn't hurting because of something he chose to do, it still feels the same. Fili's still there, just as firm and strong as ever, anchoring him back down when he feels like he's hopelessly lost and afraid. The leftover fear from the 'nightmare' calms with his brother here, and by the time Fili pulls back, Kili's more stable, more ready to talk.

Regardless of whether he should be or not, Kili is sitting up, though he's still a touch too pale and trembling every so often.]

Obviously. [He glances around and sighs.] But I don't think I can.

[The answer makes him frown, worry returning, and his gaze wanders over Kili in an attempt to determine how he's doing physically, if nothing else. There could be all sorts of reasons why Kili wouldn't be able to leave the Infirmary straightaway. Obviously, for one, it isn't a simple injury to put behind him that he's recovering from.]

You could do with some company, then – company that's going to tell you to lie back down. [And he moves his hands to Kili's shoulders to guide him along to do just that.

Whether Fili feels strong or not, it's not hard to be that for Kili. It's the least he can do.]

If you insist. [He sticks his tongue out at his brother but lays back down, free hand snaking out to take one of Fili's in his.]

...You're alright though?

[That might be the most reassuring thing to see yet. Finding it a little easier to smile at Kili for it, Fili squeezes his brother's hand, but there's a sliver of a pause before he gives Kili an answer.]

I didn't get hurt. [It's not quite as easy to keep up smiling. Fili turns his head towards the closed door.]

And the Lady Celebrian stayed safe, too.

[Kili lets out a quiet sigh of relief, relaxing noticeably and smiling slightly.]

Good. I...I was worried. [There's a moment's pause.] Celebrian's family to me.

[Facing Kili again, Fili tries another smile coupled with another light squeeze of Kili's hand. Here's one more thing he can aim for after everything, dispel all of Kili's worry.] Good choice. [She's kind. She was there for Kili. That's all that matters, as far as he's concerned.]

I suppose that makes her family to me. [And that means he'll support his brother in looking out for her.]

[Kili gives his brother a smile.] When I first came here, I was... [He hesitates. This isn't something he likes to admit.] I was terrified. Thorin was here, but he was on a mission, and I was so alone.

[He looks down, licking his lips.] And I was hurt. But Celebrian found me, she patched me up, and took me home, and fed me and let me sleep in her bed. She watched over me and chased away the nightmares and... [He lets out a soft sigh.] She did everything you normally did for me.

[Fili listens quietly, watching Kili. He's glad, of course, to know that Kili found a good friend in Celebrian, and she'll always have his gratitude, but with the other night too fresh in his mind, he's back at the reality that he failed his brother (and Thorin and their mother). Even so, he doesn't want to take his hand away, let alone leave his spot until Kili no longer has to stay at the Infirmary himself.]

... Try to repay her by not getting hurt. [He nudges Kili's arm, but the remark is brittle to his own ears. Kili's plans hardly included any of this. He just did what was right, and Fili understands being prepared to protect family at any cost.]

I try. [He looks up at his brother and forces a small smile.] I just....I wanted you to understand why I would...do what I did for an elf.

[Kili lets out a sigh.] I don't think they're as bad as Thorin says.

[Fili hesitates this time, then shakes his head.] Did he meet her, when he was here?

[Seeing her watch over Kili, weep for him and sing for him, spoke volumes about her on its own.]

Aye. [Kili's hesitant, unsure.] And he said nothing against her, when I told him I had been spending time with her.

[He's thought on this quite a bit. The close friends that he has here are all races Thorin would have never encouraged him to befriend, and yet, Kili knows he can trust them.] ...I think it was strange for him too.

[He's relieved to hear what he's hearing. They haven't forgotten everything they've been taught, but it has nothing to do with Celebrian herself. She's already shown enough of who she is to push what she happens to be into the background.]

It's strange, but there isn't anything to say against her.

[Still, there's another reason to be relieved that Thorin isn't in Exsilium with them, too. For him, Kili didn't die before his time, in circumstances that could have been avoided.]

... I understand, you know. Don't worry about that.

There really isn't.

[Kili lets out a sigh, shifting a bit to get more comfortable. He smiles at his brother and squeezes his hand lightly, pleased to be with him.]

I knew you would.

[Kili's fingers don't get the same treatment that his ribs did, but their hands are likely to stay linked for a while. Maybe Fili needs it himself so that he can trust whatever magic brought Kili back to have worked.

He's awake. Kili is here.

But since Kili doesn't look back to his usual self yet, Fili decides to offer him a chance for a break.]

Get some rest so they'll let you go. [And in case Celebrian visits.] I'll stay. [It's almost a request, not just a promise.]

[It's true, he's tired. Exhausted, really. He doesn't even trust himself really to walk across the room without help. And going back to sleep doesn't sound like a half bad idea.

He yawns and stretches out a bit, letting go of Fili's hand just for a moment before taking it again.]

Fili. [Kili waits until he's sure he's got his brother's attention.] You're a good brother. Thank you.

[Fili smiles at his brother, for his brother, and shuts up his inner arguments to the contrary.]

That's why this is going to be the last thing out of us for the next few hours.

[He'll keep watch.]

Awake - OPEN POST

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