exsiliumlogs | (no subject)

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Date: December 1st
Location: The Observatory.
Characters: Everyone.
Summary: New Transports arrive and are shuffled into the Observatory after their initial briefings.
Warnings: None.

Your arrival here has been very unceremonious. One second you were somewhere else, and now, very suddenly, your feet hit the glowing white of the Transporter pad, and you're here. You aren't alone, either. There's a crowd of others around you, each seeming just as bewildered, angry, or confused as you might feel. At the head of the group is a woman in purple robes, solemn and taciturn. She hurries over a quick overview of your intended purpose here, and gives direct answers when asked for them, but to most things she simply shows you how to access the tablet you've just been given, or tells you that the DITR's greeters will explain everything. On the tablet, you can find the history of this place and a record of what your new cohorts have experienced. Someone stands on hand to give you a weapon, and though the armory is now greatly reduced, you should be able to find something to suit you.

You're shepherded down a walkway tunnel and into the Observatory, where you will find screens mounted on three sides of the wide room; they show multiple variations of satellite images, focused on... somewhere snowy. It's difficult to say more than that, but those that record heat readings seem to suggest there are people there, where ever "there" is. It's night outside the great wide windows, and the lunar landscape isn't much to look at right now. But, hey, at least all the lights are on, right? No more creepy red emergency lighting upon arrival — not that you'd know anything about that.

You're free to explore the base, visit and use any of the VR rooms, or discover your new room and roommates, but try not to step out of any airlocks if oxygen is a requirement for your system.

Welcome to the moon base, and to the remains of Exsilium.

[[ ooc; As a note for players of current characters: please keep your root comments confined to the various groups and organizations that set up root comments to greet new characters! We highly encourage tagging around here, but since it's a log meant for new characters specifically, we ask that they be the ones to set up root threads to the entry. Thank you, and happy playing! ]]

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[That's a familiar voice. More than enough to jerk his attention back to the present. Violently. He spins on a bootheel, moonscape forgotten in favor of more pressing and more personal matters. Before he's even found his balance again he's answering.]

Armin?

[There's relief in that. And it's loud, if less obvious than Armin's. He doesn't think twice about the welcome he gets- last time he'd seen his friend they'd been exchanging "goodbyes" and "good lucks" and "don't dies" before the expedition. And the last he knew, Armin's position in the left flank had been decimated by the female titan as she made her way through the formation. Before he can say anything, Armin beats him to the punch. He stops short, lifting a hand up to the bandage wound 'round his head (when had that gotten there?) And he frowns.]

I'm fine. It doesn't matter.

[He's fine. It'll heal. It's already healing. He needs to stop pacing and sit down and probably sleep for the next...day and a half, but there's no time for that.]

What happened?

[...As if what he's asking about should be self evident.]

We've been stolen away from our times to fight in a different war.

[This doesn't get any easier to explain. Armin puts a hand on Eren's shoulder, steadying him. Oh, he wants to hold him tightly. He doesn't dare. Not yet. He might wake up.

Armin attempts to shore up his courage. It's easier when he's explaining things. He's alright at that. Saying goodbye to Eren - and then saying hello to him, again - well, even after as many times as he's done it, he's not good at it.]

It's... very complicated. But basically, we're in a whole different world. One without titans, where humans are at war with each other. We were forced to hide on the moon to avoid a bomb which wiped out the population of an entire city.

[The answer throws him off guard for a moment, if only because it's not what he'd been asking about. In belated hindsight, he realizes it probably sounds that way. Undeterred, he changes gears from his previous line of thought in favor of pursuing the new one. (Whatever happened then, this is happening now. Someone bandaged his head, he's got a cloak that doesn't belong to him. Someone in the corps had to have found him after-)

He grits his teeth. It's pretty telling that he doesn't even give a token attempt to shrug off the steadying hand.]

That's crazy. You don't really believe all that, do you?

[Like he's hoping for Armin to be joking. He's obviously not as skeptical as he'd like to sound. Not that he believes absolutely everything that comes out of Armin's mouth, but he doesn't have a clue what's going on here. And times like this, where he's out of his depth, are where Armin's wits always shine. And he knows that as well as he knows that he can count on crutching on it when he has to. So right now if Armin buys it, then he does too.]

Have I ever told you something I didn't think was true?

[Armin replies incisively. He's not angry, or anything like that, he just wants to keep his explanation of a complicated situation as simple as possible for Eren. Not that Eren's stupid, exactly, but he's straightforward.

He knows Eren is counting on him to make sense of all this. Armin just hopes he can, somehow.]

I'm certain. I know it doesn't seem to make sense, but I've been here on my own for around three months.

[It's not a lie to say he's been on his own if he leaves out the month Eren was here. That's something else to address later: clearly Eren doesn't remember this place. Perhaps he's from further down the timeline still. Armin will give himself time to be relieved about that later.]

Our world, everything we know... is very different from this place.

If you won't go to the medic, you should at least sit down and let me have a look at you. I can explain to you better in private. [Yes, Eren will heal, but he could still be concussed, or worse.]

[His jaw works, but he doesn't budge otherwise without prodding. Wide eyed and brow furrowed and staring at Armin as if he could just sort of glean understanding from him that way. He's still catching up on the previous parts of the infodump. Humans at war with each other (frustrating but not inconceivable,) entire cities wiped out (hits close to home, or at least where home used to be,) but did he say there's no titans-

Sorry, gonna have to give him a little while, buddy, that was a lot of words that shouldn't necessarily fit together and he probably actually is pretty concussed.]

Three months?

[Which isn't a "no, cut it out, I'm fine," so best to take the opening and run with it before he actually lets himself fall on his face.]

No way. I just saw you this morning.

[Time travel, Eren.]

[Armin takes Eren's shock as an opportunity to loop an arm underneath his arms, supporting him as he leads him down the hall toward his room. It's wrong, but he doesn't really want anyone else to look after Eren, especially since he can heal himself. He doesn't want to let Eren out of his sight for even a moment. Bad things keep happening.

He tells himself it's because Eren needs a slow adjustment to this time and space, and a room full of advanced medical technology and people who can heal with their mind-powers is just going to make things worse for him. It's not some disgusting tendency to fawn and mother-hen.]

The Initiative can pluck us from different times and places. It's as if our times are books, already written. If you took one name out of the book for a bit, crossed it out or something, everything would still be the same if you flipped forward a few pages, or even a few hundred.

And if you returned the name - wrote it in again, the book would continue as always. That's what it's like when they bring us here. We never stopped really existing in our world or anything like that. People aren't all taken at the same time. They can even be brought after they've died in their world. I know it's a lot to try and imagine, but that is the truth of this place.

[You keep telling yourself that, Armin. He's mostly put himself back together, the striations around his eyes left over from shifting are faded, there's none of the gross telltale titan steam rising from his wounds to indicate a serious injury. He's just spent. Physically and otherwise. So instead of resisting when a supporting arm sneaks itself beneath him, he takes the opportunity to grip Armin tight at the shoulder.

Even with help, walking takes more of his hazy concentration so he's quiet long enough for Armin to explain. That metaphor...actually sort of helps. The welcoming committee covered this sort of thing. He wasn't really listening very well at the time.]

You can't just kidnap people and force them to fight your wars for you.

[Oh good, his outrage is catching up to him, he can't be that bad off. The hand clapped on Armin's shoulder gets a bit tighter. As much as Eren believes in fighting the good fight, he does so because he believes in freedom. To enlist is to offer up your heart to humanity. They can't seriously expect the same kind of loyalty from a bunch of prisoners.]

It doesn't work.

[Send a bunch of unwilling and likely unprepared people to the front lines and you'll get a slaughter. They've both seen it.]

Please keep it down. [Armin says, voice raising slightly with a note of warning. He lowers his voice and drops his head slightly, explaining.] There was a rebellion recently, and the fate of around 20 people locked away for the attempted coup is currently being debated. Those who still walk free won't look upon those kind of words well.

I agree, but we have to do what we can in this situation. The United Earth - our enemy, now, whether we like it or not - has performed various atrocities. It's wrong of us to be here, but it's even more wrong for us to ignore that.

Besides. War makes people desperate. According to some soldiers I've spoken to, it's just as wrong to make people our age fight, but we'd argue it was necessary. [Though the more Armin hears it, the more he silently agrees: it's a wrong situation. Those who enlisted had their reasons, but it doesn't change the fact that the military condemns 70% of the Survey Corps to death, most of them before they're even halfway through with their natural life. And what choice did he and so many of the others of the 104th have, as refugees, to either face death in a charade of bravery or scrape by beneath the resentful gazes of others?

The so-called fight that robbed Armin of his remaining blood family was little more than a slaughter. The greed and selfishness of others could surely be seen as the source. And yet he joined the military, because as long as they were trapped behind the walls, a world of equals would be impossible to imagine.] I'm sure the Initiative thinks the same, or they'd never risk a pool of soldiers with such gaps in skill, age, and even morals and culture as all of us have.

Here. This is my place. No one else lives here, for now.

[Armin touches the panel to open the door, and leads Eren inside to sit on one of the lower bunks.]

[It's as much a well-considered opinion as it is Eren being Eren and being frustrated and needing an outlet. He doesn't argue right away, because he's already fallen into "following Armin's lead" on this and the part of him that isn't outraged at being kidnapped is aware that he doesn't know enough about what's going on here. Later, when he's calmed down and actually taken the time to relearn everything he'd been too agitated to take in during orientation, he'll probably be more sympathetic to the Initiative's situation, if not their methods. But coming off a mess of an expedition (and a long list of casualties) that he's already blaming himself for, there's no place he'd like to be less than worlds away from their own war.

For now, he exhales sharply and unhappily through his nose when Armin tells him to keep quiet, but he gets the message and shuts his trap for the rest of the walk and he listens. People get shot for deserting. No doubt mutiny would earn a punishment just as severe. That's just how it is. Just like how you can enlist once you hit twelve years old. Just how they don't have any choice but to fight, even if the odds are stacked so high against them. That's the only world he's ever known. Anything else is just alien.

His breathing is edging toward "labored" by the time Armin sits him down on the edge of the bed. He acknowledges it only with a mutter ("Fuck-") before finally pulling his arm away from Armin to scrub at his face. Squinting skeptically up at the bunks-]

You stay here alone?

[It's small even from their perspective, but despite the bunk beds crammed in, it's a lot of space for one person.]

I had roommates for awhile, but they're gone now. The Initiative sometimes sends people home... it seems almost at random.

[His gear sits neatly on the far bunk. The rags he's used the clean and maintain it are stained with blood.

Armin goes through one of the storage drawers beneath the bunk, retrieving a small flashlight.]

This is a light. I need you to look at me, okay?

Can you tell me how you hit your head? Do you remember?

[He shines a light in Eren's eyes to test for pupil dilation: simple field medicine stuff, really, but things like miniature, portable lights certainly help.]

[He's sort of half-listening, narrowing his eyes and tipping his head to peer past Armin toward his gear and those very familiar stains. He's brought 'round to the current conversation again by the surprisingly blinding light in his eyes, and he blinks hard in surprise.]

I didn't hit my head.

[He doesn't sound...entirely sure of that answer. Even his memory of the fight with the female titan is a sort of hazy and painful mesh of grief and anger and bloodlust right now. He knows he lost but he doesn't remember anything after that. His hands pull themselves into tense fists of their own accord.]

The female-type titan- You saw her, didn't you? She broke right through the left flank.

[Right through to the center of the formation. Right out of the trap that had been set for her.]

You have a concussion. You can't sleep until it's completely healed, okay?

[Not that anyone would want to sleep, turning up in a situation like this. Armin laid awake in bed for days, listening to the sounds of other Transports breathing. Back then, they lived on an island, but the housing was incomplete and they slept in the med bay, sheets between each bed. The mattresses were softer than he was used to, and it made his bones ache.

Armin returns the flashlight to its place and sit back down next to Eren.] The left flank...a female titan... I haven't lived that day yet. I went to bed the night before the mission, and turned up here. [Armin keeps himself purposefully calm and reasonable.]

[Haven't lived that day yet. He frowns, stares again, opens his mouth to argue over it - but time travel. Names crossed out of books and all that. It's a good thing his head can't hurt much worse than it already does. Instead, as he tries to sort through the implications-]

I'm fine. I'm not tired.

[It's pretty clear that that's mostly a lie, but Armin is dead on, what he means is that sleeping is the last thing he wants to do right now. Not after being grabbed out of time and space, not after what had happened in the forest of giant trees. At least getting him worked up over it is a surefire way of keeping him awake. To better explain his injuries-]

I was fighting her in the forest. As a titan. [Too late. He should have done it sooner. With Levi and the Special Ops squad at his side, they could have taken her down. And now, because of him, Petra and the others and so many more of their allies are dead. And he doesn't even know if they'd managed to capture the person responsible or if it had all gone to waste.

His teeth grit.]

I don't know what happened after that.

I think I have some clean bandages around here...

[Armin cadged them from the med bay when he visited over his injured knee a few weeks ago, people didn't seem to care if you took things to use on your own. Armin settles next to Eren, undressing his wound and examining it, gently murmuring at him to turn around so he can see the back of his head where he expects to find a pretty large goose egg.]

I'm going to say something strange - the strangest thing yet - but I hope you'll believe me anyway.

We both survived past that day. For weeks after. I know this because you were brought here before, from a place even later along our timeline.

I wouldn't let you explain it to me because I was afraid to know the future. Afraid because I knew I wouldn't actually be able to change it, even if I figured out a way to do it here.

Even though you don't remember that... I'm sorry.

[He submits to the examination in a way that falls just shy of "grudging." If it were anyone but Armin (or a certain someone else) he'd put up more of a fight. But right now he's got too much else on his chest to even bother with being difficult for being difficult's sake in that regard. Armin's suspicions are right on the mark. You don't get beaten and bitten out of a titan without getting knocked around a bit. He's probably lucky he came out of it with all his limbs intact at the time.

Perhaps surprisingly, the news is met with a deep frown but a measure of relative stride. He'd be more shocked by this turn of events (or eventful return, as the case may be) if he hadn't already gotten the head's up from Kido. The timeframe, though, is new, and the confirmation from Armin shakes any remaining doubts he had about the truth of it. It's a relief, in one respect, because he hadn't heard from Armin after the female titan and broken through his position in the formation. It wasn't ever really himself he worried about. But now that he's settling and sorting through his memory of the expedition, there's still a knot of bitter grief creeping up to choke him. It was my fault they died.

If Armin doesn't want to know his future, he should probably clam up and respect that. But Eren's educated on time travel etiquette, and right now he's ratcheting up his scale of frustrations to "needing to take it out on something." So he flinches away from Armin's fingers at his hairline to face him. A little more harshly than necessary:]

It still happened. Pretending it didn't won't make it go away.

[Armin should know better than be hurt when Eren flinches away. His fingers hover a moment before awkwardly gripping the bedclothes instead, head bowed in shame.]

I'm sorry. I've struggled enough with being here on my own and wondering what was going going to happen that I just wanted to... to be happy we could be at each other's side again, and fight this war together. To go on missions and see new things and explore, and not worry about the titans for once.

I was being selfish. If you want to tell me, of course I'll listen.

[Armin genuinely fears his mind will eat itself alive trying to figure out a way to change his future like they always promised themselves they could, but it's wrong to make Eren shoulder this burden alone, too. He wishes Mikasa were here, strong and brilliant and stoic. Mikasa doesn't bleed or cry like Armin does. Mikasa doesn't sway in strong winds.

His throat stings. If he looks at Eren, tears will surely form.]

[If Mikasa were here she'd probably shove Eren off the bed for being an asshole to his best friend and wait for him to realize that he deserved it before lending a patient and stoic shoulder. Which is part of why Eren really needs Mikasa around sometimes. But she isn't here, and for such a habitually quiet presence back home her absence in the room right now is a loud one.

Without her there to refocus him, there's a very large part of him that wants to keep on going, say something harsh in response, to accuse Armin of running away from the reality of things. The apology ("I'm sorry...I was being selfish-") stops him short and pulls him back in its own way. A few years ago, he wouldn't have even hesitated. But he's learned a lot about responsibilities and shouldering burdens over the past few years. The past few weeks. The part of him that's grown up since then knows that it's not Armin he really wants to hurt.

(It had been her. And remembering that puts a sharp and sour taste in the back of his throat. The female titan- he hadn't just wanted to kill her for what she'd done. He wouldn't have stopped at that. He'd wanted to beat her to pulp, rip her apart, tear her to shreds with his own teeth. Devour her. Like a titan. And instead of revolting him like it should have, he'd wanted it. He could taste it. He'd come pretty close to achieving that before she'd shifted to a (familiar?) different stance and knocked him out. And how is he supposed to tell Armin something like that?)

There's a hesitation, a telling one, his expression shifts away from "mulish" and goes a little distant and his head bows. He moves just enough for their shoulders to knock together in a clumsy way so he can lean against Armin. Like when they were kids. (To see new things and explore, and not have to worry about the titans- isn't that what they've been dreaming of, what they've been fighting for all this time in the first place?) Eventually-]

I can't even remember- [What had happened? He vaguely remembers being bitten out. Someone had to have rescued him. Which means-] She had me in her mouth. They must have caught her and pulled me out.

[And if they caught her, it wasn't all for nothing. It can't have been. Because the kicker is-]

There's someone inside her. Like me.

"That makes sense," Armin replies. He hears himself saying it as if he's in the next room, listening, because no, no, it doesn't make sense, he doesn't want to believe it. Some part of himself wishes to be ignorant enough to be made hysterical by this revelation. But he realizes it is true, that he isn't the least bit shocked by information. It would be stranger if the titans were truly and utterly aimless. It's the truth everyone's refused to acknowledge since the appearance of the colossal titan.

"After all, how else would they know about the gates? And you're the key to this war for us, to winning. It's surprising they'd want to take you alive, but... there must be some reason."

Armin puts his arm around Eren's shoulders, more because he needs to touch Eren than to comfort Eren, if he wants to be honest with himself.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry I can't tell you what happened."

[He doesn't jerk away this time. Doesn't move at all to acknowledge the small new weight on his shoulders. Whatever bright flash of anger he'd started with has burned itself down to an ember, expended its energy, turned inward. He's not a kid, he knows that capturing the female type won't bring anyone back. Nothing will. There's no bargaining to be had for lives once they're gone. But he's very aware that it's on him, now, to make sure that those who gave their lives for him didn't do so in vain. They can't have died for nothing. He won't stand for it.]

The expedition- we were leading her into a trap the whole time. We could have taken her down if I fought her then. The Captain gave me the choice.

[It's bitter, self-condemning. He'd been told to pick the choice he'd regret the least. He'd chosen to believe in his comrades instead of his gut. And it had gotten them so many of them killed.]

But if we know who's inside, now...[He's no good at turning off his emotions. The guilt and grief have been coming off him in waves. But here it hardens to a shade of his usual mad determination.] -maybe we'll finally get some answers.

[Eren's changed so much while he's been out of Armin's sight. It hurts his throat a little bit, because what did he get up to? What changed about him after Trost?

(He grew to understand what had always been present and true, because of what he did, because of Eren and Mikasa's faith in him, but he hadn't really changed. He didn't know how he was going to use that information.

Still, in some ways he still sees Eren the same as always, gritting his teeth and making a promise he'll pay out with his own blood if he has to, though he'd prefer the blood of others.

Eren has always been a monster, Armin has always seen it in him. It is the ways in which he grows more human that surprises him.

]

Maybe. [Armin concedes, his reply barely audible.]

We will win this. [His voice raises to normal level, and he squeezes Eren's shoulder gently.

It isn't a lie when he says it, he believes it when he looks at Eren.

Later the doubt will come, in the dark, alone in his bunk, staring at the ceiling.]

We just... have to figure out how to beat the UE, too.

[When it comes down to it, Eren just doesn't have the heart for doubt. Certainty is his strength, it's what keeps him moving when all rights say he should have stopped long ago. But it does mean that if (when) things go completely, categorically wrong, it hits him hard, and he's forced to refit his world view around the impossible (inescapable) existence of failure where it wasn't an option before.

So he digs his heels in, holds on to the hope that they had somehow beaten the odds and captured the enemy. For now, he can't do anything else. He inhales, knuckles the corners of his eyes, as if to force the tiredness out with the uncertainty. What happened- it wasn't for nothing. It matters. And they'll win. They'll fight if they need to. They'll win.]

Yeah.

[The transition from one war to the other isn't an easy one. Eren prefers his fights straightforward and brutal, he's got no head for politics or time travel and history manipulation. It does settle him a bit to hear to plan of attack from Armin in simplified terms. This is what needs to be done. Defeat the UE, go home, defeat the titans. So, firmly-]

We've faced worse than these bastards before.

[Though bastards they may be, animals even, they're not titans.]

Right.

[And Armin laughs quietly. It's no use to try and resist - he hugs Eren tightly. With his face pressed to Eren's shoulder his friend can't see the tears in his eyes.

Had he been this lonely all this time and not realized it? It's like a piece of his heart has been snapped back into place, and he hadn't even realized it was beating improperly.]

Of course we will.

[He goes stiff at first when Armin holds him tightly, then he relaxes into it and hooks an arm around his friend's narrow shoulders to return the gesture. Fiercely and unquestionably and a little possessively. Tears have long stopped being a thing to be mocked, even if it was often hard to shake off the shame of them. Considering he's a quiet moment away from shaking off his shock and mourning the Special Ops Squad, he's not in much of a place to judge.

His throat works. It's getting dangerously quiet. So-]

I saw Annie.

[Fourth in their class, Military Police. His sparring partner, hand-to-hand mentor, giver of the occasional odd lecture about the nature of humanity. That Annie. It's sort of comforting, in its own way, even if it's a far cry from the old days in the 104th.]

Is anyone else-

[Anyone. He doesn't even really have to ask about Mikasa. There's an empty space on the other side of him that speaks loudly enough to the answer.]

I saw her too.

[Armin doesn't think now is the time to bring up that suspicion eating at him, not when there's so much else to do. It's unthinkable that he would ever suspect something like that of Annie, and yet...

Why can't things ever be simple? Mikasa makes things easier, somehow. She smooths out the edges with both sharpness and bluntness.]

Captain Levi is here, and Commander Smith. I haven't seen anyone else. Aside from you, before.

[Armin feels the need to cling to Eren all the more tightly, because Mikasa isn't here. I'm not as strong as you, but I'll look after Eren for you. Even if it feels more like Eren's the one looking after him.]

Maybe all of you coming at once is a sign more will come.

[There really isn't ever a good time to say "Hey bro I think your hand-to-hand mentor might be a traitor," is there?

Mikasa isn't here. And that's- It's fine. Hell, that's better than fine. He doesn't need her following him around, dogging his steps like a shadow so she can keep an eye on him like he's some dumb kid. He doesn't need to rely on her anymore.

He doesn't.

His fingers twitch tighter as Armin recites each familiar name and rank. Less in real surprise at this point than familiar mounting frustration. That they're pulled away from where they're needed most and stuck here. Wings of freedom indeed. World without titans or not, this isn't their world. And that makes all the difference.]

The Commander, too?

[Humanity's strongest and the Commander of the Survey Corps. If the Initiative were to take anyone for their own war, it would make some amount of sense that it would be them, wouldn't it?. He braces his free hand against the bedpost. Levi's been responsible for Eren since his release from MP custody. It's not only in respect for that bargain that he tries to push himself away from Armin and off the bed, as ill advised as it may be.]

I'm gonna go find them.

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Armin, buddy. 8(

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"not* educated" wow self

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these kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiids

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