transport log » ❝ welcome to Exsilium ❞

[initiates]

Date: January 3rd
Location: The Initiative Hold & Courtyard.
Characters: Everyone.
Summary: New Transports have all arrived and have been led to a banquet room within the Hold.
Warnings: None.

You've just been hustled and bustled through mazes of information and literal, wide corridors of the Initiative Hold and you've been equipped with your weapon—be it a gun, a sword, or even your existing powers. They've handed you this light netbook and a small pouch of coins (or a debit card, if you're more inclined), and there are several Transports before and after you going through the very same motions. You can hear the Greeter's voice as she walks alongside large groups, telling them all about the history of this place and sharing with you your purpose here in a hurried and urgent tone. "You're in luck that we have enough rooms for all of you; the housing building is getting awfully full. Please, let me show you into the courtyard."

You pass what looks like huge gymnasiums, all with dummies and targets strewn and splayed around the room. Training areas. There are even classrooms, and a few small offices. You're rushed past a large library while the Greeter informs you that you can find almost all your information there, if you've got the time to look—and trust her, you'll have time. You don't spend a lot of time in the bank, and it's a bit of a blur of exchanges with more and more of these strangely-accented and oddly polite-seeming members of the Initiative.

Soon enough, you're in a massive courtyard bustling with all the other Transports. It's not exactly what you'd expect, and it looks more like barracks than anything—huge walls of concrete and stone, separating you from all of the hallways you'd just passed through. It's raining heavily, and dark clouds loom in the air, though it hasn't turned to snow. It's a chill cold, and there are shelters—long cloth hangings that extend from the walls of concrete to house you from the rain, but not enough. Most notably, the courtyard is filled with a marketplace. Even in the cold and the rain, there are several citizens seated at their covered booths and tables, bundled up against the weather. They're selling all manner of their own handmade goods and foods, and citizens and Transports alike are traveling from one small covered shop to another in search of all manner of necessities.

The Greeter's voice has become so faint now, but you swear you can make it out in the back of the crowds as she tells you, "Good luck. Be safe!"

Her voice is drowned out by the busy marketplace, though even the transactions taking place are somewhat subdued. Nobody is overly happy, really, though most citizens can be found with smiles on their faces. It doesn't seem like they're that shocked to see you, either; even if you're not bound in tattered rags and wrapped in heavy shawls as they are. You're welcome to walk up to a shop, and find yourself something to eat—hey, maybe you'll even find something akin to a raincoat. Or, you can join the others under the coverings against the walls. Where am I? What war? She was talking so fast, and it didn't all make very much sense… did anyone else catch it all?

Welcome to the courtyard. Welcome to the Initiative Hold—and most importantly, welcome to Exsilium

Comments

[imusntrunaway]

[That single word is the final straw on the camel's back. But nothing gushes out of his cracks. No anger. No tears. Just an unnatural simmer of guilt and sickening self-loathing that he slowly sinks into.

Anyone else would've denied what she said. Would've comforted her and soothed her with the right words, a gentle touch. Would've crossed the barrier between them to comfort her. But Shinji is not that person. He's a cowardly boy who can only stand on the opposite side of their rift and watch as she falls apart.

It's best to say nothing. It's best to do nothing.

He's worthless.

His shoulders slump. He accepts it with a resigned silence.]

[redheadcarrier]

[It's exactly what she thought he'd do (and feared): he's going to run away again and leave her alone. He's going to ignore her pain and her fear and the raw emotion and simply withdraw into himself, just like he always does. That's all he's ever done. He never tries to help, never reaches out and just like that, the little doorway into her psyche swings shut and she feels like she's going to vomit.]

Why won't you help me? Why don't you do something?

[There's a pleading tone underneath the venom, something Asuka might not even be fully aware of.]

[imusntrunaway]

I tried, Asuka.

[His voice is very quiet. He doesn't know if he's speaking the truth or if he's just repeating a desperate lie for both of them to believe in.]

I really did try.

[redheadcarrier]

[He's never going to help her, she realizes. He's never going to approve. He's never going to be anything but an apologetic sycophant.

Not that she wanted or needed him anyway.

So why does she feel like she's about to burst into tears? Her reply is hoarse, strained and her throat feels tight.]

I hate you.

[imusntrunaway]

[He's made a misstep. He's stepped on the landmine he's so carefully tried to avoid, but it was inevitable. In a strange way he knew how this would turn out the moment their conversation turned for the worse.

Still. Expecting something never made it hurt less.

Those three words are like a physical blow and they cut off his breath entirely for a sluggish, drawn-out second. His chest constricts. Shinji visibly flinches and his eyes snap up, searching her face for the forgiveness he knows that won't be there.

(Please don't abandon me. Please don't hate me.)

She's going to leave him. Alone. Unwanted. A primal panic rears up in him. Not again. He doesn't want to be left alone again! She can't go, he needs her to feel safe. Secure. To feel wanted.

Shinji opens and closes his fists. He opens his mouth to speak. He closes it. He wants to cry.

Instead, he drops his gaze.

Instead, he does something far worse.

He accepts it.]

[redheadcarrier]

[Something snaps in her and she stalks across the distance between them and gives him another hard shove, forcing him back toward the wall. He can't do this to her. Why doesn't he understand? Why doesn't he react? Why doesn't he do something besides sit and cry? Her voice rises into a shrill yell.]

Do something, damn you!

[She feels sick. Isn't she supposed to feel vindicated? Happy that he's finally getting what he deserves from her?]

[imusntrunaway]

[The fight's gone out of him, not that he had much to begin with. Shoved against the wall, Shinji shakes. What does she want him to do? He can't help her. He's a coward. It's right for her to hate him. To loathe him. He's a selfish, worthless little brat.

But she's ordered him to do something. And orders are to be followed. So, he says the two words he knows the best, his voice cracking:]

... I'm sorry.

[redheadcarrier]

[Asuka stares at him, her whole body trembling with rage and frustration and a deep feeling of despair. She gives him one more hard shove against the wall and turns to stalk away, forcing back tears. She's going back to her room. And maybe she's going to throw up. And probably cry into a pillow for a good, long while.

Either way, she's finished with him.]

[imusntrunaway]

[He stays standing for an entire minute after she leaves, head bowed and fists clenched.

Then slowly, slowly, he slides down to the floor, pulling his knees close to him and letting his head drop. His shoulders shake as he cries.

He's sick of everything.]