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Date & Time: July 11th, afternoon
Location: Unit 103
Characters: Emil Castagnier, Aster
Summary: Face twin meets face stealer, awkwardness ensues.
Warnings: Mention of murder and excess of blond teenage boys.

[Nearly a week of hiding out at Kaneis's place, and Emil still hasn't figured out a good time to do anything. He's been watching Aster through the tablet, trying to figure out what he knows - and it's not much, from what he's seen Aster say. It's not as though Emil deserves better, but the fact that Aster doesn't seem to remember anything about their meeting in the Ginnungagap makes everything even worse.

How could you tell anyone you'd killed them without a thought? Let alone taking their form for your own purposes? In all this time spent rarely straying from the room (impromptu hat adventures aside) he's thought of a thousand things he could say to Aster, but not a single one that Emil could go out and say right now without ruining everything for Aster - Aster, who Richter cared so much for and who seems like such a good person now that Emil has seen more of him. Everything he's seen says that Aster deserves far more than he got; Emil deserves the exact opposite. He can't just destroy all that...or so Emil tells himself.

And so five and a half days of thinking himself in circles later, Emil's sitting around in Kaneis's room when he hears a knock at the door. He's a little bit curious, but figuring that the caller must be a friend of one of the (permanent) occupants here he elects to stay where he is. Less awkward questions that way, right?]

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[He's blaming himself? But there's no reason for that. It was Emil who...it was all Emil. Aster never put anybody at risk.

The question about Richter, though, puts him off of that train of thought just a bit. That's right, Aster wouldn't know. And it's going to be hard to tell him. It's a pretty long story, and not a happy one besides.]

No. Richter, he...just after I killed you, Richter struck me down. I was weak after just awakening, and so I was forced back into my core form. After that, a lot of other things happened.

[He's not sure how much to say to Aster, honestly. Emil's told him enough terrible things already - surely Aster wouldn't want to know what his friend was really up to in the months since then. So he skips over a lot of the messy details and goes straight to the end. That's probably disappointing enough as it is.]

Richter's still alive, but since the time the two of you were there the door to Niflheim has been opened. He's remaining in the Ginnungagap along with me now, helping me prevent the demons from taking over our realm.

Richter...as long as he's alive.

[While Aster had feared the worst, what actually occurred wasn't much better. Niflheim? How did it go from attacking Ratatosk to joining up with him? It doesn't take a genius to figure some things were left out. 'A lot of other things' indeed.

In a bizarre way, Aster can believe Richter took it upon himself to help prevent demons. He had always been a kind person and helping to protect the world seemed up his ally, though that in particular is the last place he ever expected him to be or wanted him to be. It was too dangerous.

He can tell his best friend had been through a lot, and Aster was there for none of it. Would be there for none of it.]

...When you get back-

[That almost hurts to say. You. Because Aster knows if they leave this place, he won't be going along.]

-will you continue to watch over him, even after the demons are dealt with? He gets grumpy when he's left alone for too long.

[Aster's voice is somber by now, even though it's obvious he's trying pretty hard to sound happier. It's just how he deals with things though it has none of the light, joking tone he tried to force earlier. The information so far has been troubling at best and draining at worst, but he has courage. He can keep going.

He has to know if anything went right during all this.]

[Emil really can't refuse anything Aster asks of him, not with how much he owes the boy. The request is relatively simple for him, anyway, since Richter will be with him for more or less the rest of his lifespan and he can't just ignore Richter for that time either.]

I will. It's the least I can do, after everything I've done. And...Richter means a great deal to me, as well.

[Emil takes a chance and looks directly at Aster now.]

I know this isn't what you wanted to hear. I'm sorry for all this...for everything.

Thank you.

[Hearing Ratatosk apologize is surreal. Even if it doesn't change anything about what happened, Aster still appreciates it. That he felt bad about it and that he would take care of Richter. It's good to know he would have a friend out there.

Even though it's over his own death, Aster's never been the type to hold grudges. It was a mistake. They happen. It's obvious Ratatosk felt bad about it now and Aster's going to have to accept what happened, everything, for what it is. After a brief moment, he takes a seat next to Emil. There's some space between them, but not nearly as much as before.]

No, it's not what I hoped occurred after that day. I truly thought we would be able to change your mind and that the mana imbalance would be taken care of.

[A brief pause.]

However you did tell me the truth and I appreciate it. The whole purpose of coming here was to find out so I suppose you did tell me what I wanted to hear, in a way.

[Trying to sound happy is pretty difficult in this situation, but at least he's giving it his A+ effort.]

...It's okay, Ratatosk. I'm not angry.

[Depressed and frustrated yeah, but the only anger he has is directed to himself right now. If only he had paid more attention or taken more precaution, this might not have happened.]

Were you able to fix our world?

[It takes Emil a little while to answer, just because he's so confused about what Aster could be thinking. He's not angry? He's even moving closer now...but how could he ever do that? Emil was responsible for everything that happened, from Aster's death to - well, he skipped most of the parts that involved Richter, so maybe that's why. The Vanguard, the Blood Purge, even the events that led up to the door to Niflheim being opened in the first place...it was all because he killed Aster. If Aster knew, he would surely understand how terrible Emil's actions were.

Emil looks away again, and when he speaks up his voice is subdued.]

The Centurions have all been awakened. Soon enough, the balance of mana should go back to normal.

[For the first time since the beginning of this whole ordeal, Aster has the inkling of a smile on his face. It's small, but it's there. He may not know the details leading up to it, but the mana crisis is solved. The world's climate will go back to normal.

If only one thing went right during all this, Aster can only be glad it was that. He notes Ratatosk looking away again, but doesn't comment out loud on it, instead moving slightly away in case that was the issue.]

I'm relieved. It hasn't left my mind since arriving here. The last thing I remember is conversing with you and...

[It wasn't going well.]

The world will survive now. It should ease tensions among the people too.

[Aster seems more relaxed at the news since he doesn't know things had escalated to such extremes between the people yet. It was a great burden in his mind. Finding out he was dead and Richter was guarding Niflheim was draining, but at least he could take solace in the fact the world would continue and survive. ]

[The people...he can think of a lot of problems the weather disturbances caused, but the real tensions were for something else, weren't they? He's seen enough of that to understand.]

That will take time, but eventually I hope it will.

[Emil doesn't make any move to turn back, and he's not sure how to take the fact that Aster's moved away. Still, there's a tiny spark of optimism in his words.

He'll never be able to see for himself what's going on in the world outside the Ginnungagap, outside of word from the Centurions. But he believes in Marta and his other friends, who worked so hard to bring the worlds back together and keep them safe. Despite the damage the Vanguard has done, Emil has seen for himself that the people of both Sylvarant and Tethe'alla can get along.]

It might take years, or decades, but with time I believe they'll be able to get along.

[The weather wasn't the main cause, but the sudden change didn't help matters. During his time, Aster had only seen beginning of the discrimination. As bad as it was, he truly thought that could help people relax and be pushed in the right direction as far as working together.]

I'm glad you think that too. It's been hard for them, but I know the people of the two worlds, whether they're human or half elf, will come together and work with each other to make a peaceful world. They will learn from their past mistakes.

[His tone is growing quiet and thoughtful again. The main questions were out of the way, despite his growing curiosity for what happened during all those middle years, but he'll get Ratatosk to tell him one way or another.
]

I have one more question to ask you.

[Another brief pause. Now, it's time for the very first question that ever entered his mind. It's simple enough to ask, but difficult at the same time.]

The form you have taken...why is it mine?

Edited (ICONS I GIVE UP) 2013-07-19 04:45 (UTC)

[Yes. Of course he'd ask that. It's not as bad as telling him Emil killed him, but still an awkward story. It's also a reminder of just what Emil has taken in the past few years - Aster's form, the real Emil Castagnier's name, and ultimately both their lives.]

That...I didn't mean to, although that's no excuse. When I was reawakened, I wanted to hide myself until I regained my strength. To do that, among humans, I assumed a human form. I didn't have the time or the knowledge to create a new appearance for myself, so I assumed that of one of the last humans I'd seen before I was struck down. That was you.

[Also, Aster isn't the one that features in Emil's traumatic death flashbacks. (For that matter, Aster is practically the only human/half-elf Ratatosk's dealt with who hasn't killed either him or his tree. Feel special, Aster.)

Thinking back on it, though, any choice would have been a terrible one. Emil doesn't know what he should have done under the circumstances, but he wished he'd done better than take the form of somebody he murdered himself.

Not that that's all he did.]

I didn't mean any harm, but I know now I shouldn't have done it. ...That's also why I go by the name Emil Castagnier now. At that time I lost my memory of who I was, and I came to believe I was human when the real Emil's mother mistook me for him.

[Aster listens to the explanation quietly and even when it's all over, he continues to stay silent for a short time after. That confirmed some of the initial suspicions he had, but the reason was so simple. He was the last person Ratatosk saw and Emil Castagnier was only an alias.

Aster isn't angry over it. He's stuck in his own thoughts. It's not a matter of should Ratatosk have done it or not. There was no choice, from Aster's perspective. Remaining as a core wouldn't have been an option for him. While he would have preferred Ratatosk use someone else's body since he was dead, he can't help to think how interesting it would have been if he were still alive. A summon spirit taking on the form of an actual human.]

...I understand. It must have been difficult for you. How were you able to get your memory back?

[He truly does understand why it's like this, even if it doesn't make the situation any less awkward. This was a lot to grasp, even for him. He leans forward, placing an elbow on his knee and resting his head in his hand. While it may not truly be his fault, Aster thinks that's so and can't believe this all occurred due to his own negligence. Surely Richter had suffered through all this as well. Even Rilena, what happened to her? ]

Richter told me.

[In potentially the worst way possible and also while trying to kill Emil, but hey! Details.]

It didn't happen all at once, but after that I had to accept it quickly. That was around the time when the door to Niflheim was about to be opened. It wasn't until a short while before I arrived here that I regained my full memory.

[Not exactly a highlight of his life. He remembers all too well the turmoil he felt back then, and looking back now it all happened so fast. Anything is fast in comparison to thousand of years, of course, but even aside from that it had been one thing after another after the raid on Vanguard headquarters.

He has all the time in the world now, though. It's hard to kill a summon spirit.]

[There are a few things not adding up and it troubles Aster more than he would like to admit. Between the scattered bits of information about his friend, learning of his own death and sitting next to his summon spirit look alike, the more sobering everything becomes. The more curiosity becomes genuine concern about what was happening.]

Richter did? Were you two together for long, before having to seal Niflheim?

[But in reality, he isn't surprised. Richter has been wrapped up in Emil's-Ratatosk's life-since the day they discovered he was still in the
world. It seemed like they had both been through a lot. It's hard to believe that just a few months after his time, all this occurred and then some.

And above all it's still difficult for him to imagine Richter having to guard that door now. All because of his reckless actions, demons almost ran amok.]

I'm glad your memory returned in time and...I'm sorry. To the both of you.

[Ratatosk meet Aster. The guy who pretty much apologizes for his own death and the events that occurred after even though he had minimal involvement.]

This was never our intent. We knew there were risks in meeting you and trying to awaken the centurions, but opening the door to the demonic realm...that wasn't a possible outcome to me. I was careless.

[Emil shakes his head, failing to understand how Aster can keep apologizing for something that wasn't his fault.]

No, you weren't. You were right to come to me...it's my duty to oversee the world's mana. That hasn't changed. Everything that happened did so as a result of my anger, don't you see?

[The pitch of his voice rises at the end, because there's only so long he can hold in the confusion. He honestly can't comprehend why Aster could blame himself, because it isn't his fault at all!

Aster may feel free to notice he's not addressing the part about Richter, though whether it's because his mind on other things or out of deliberation is up in the air.]

[Aster does notice and if that was supposed to ease his worries, it doesn't at all. It only heightens the feeling things are being hid from him. This isn't the first time Ratatosk was vague.

And it's the first time he's heard that reaction out of him. It causes Aster to look towards him now.]

Exactly. It was the result of years of anger. An anger I should have been able to predict given the extent of our research on you.

[Ratatosk has been the focus of his life for so long. While he knew he was dealing with a living, sentient being, that focus never shifted to compare those same emotions to human ones. Ratatosk had his tree destroyed and then was left to guard the demonic realm, practically forgotten by time until the world was in trouble again.]

We could have...I could have dealt with the situation better. Perhaps if I had thought beyond our original plan, none of this would have happened to him or you.

No, no. It's...

[Emil can't just tell him everything right now. But he can't just let Aster shoulder the blame, either. Everything that happened - no, Aster did everything correctly.]

I was the one who reacted so badly. The other spirits all were able to move on and form pacts with Sheena when she needed them. Even Volt, who probably felt much the way I did.

[Thanks for that information, Sheena. Her tale of what Volt did to her village still strikes a painful chord with him, so the memory's stuck.

But at least Volt got past it. Emil? He doesn't even have the courage to agree to form a pact with Sheena, even when he trusts her absolutely. Sometimes it feels like he's as good of a summon spirit as he is a human, i.e., not very.]

It was me who couldn't accept what happened. I was the only one who went so far that I would have gone out and tried to erase humanity from the world. If it hadn't been you, it would have been someone else...it wasn't because of anything you did at all.

That may be true, but I can't allow all the blame to fall on you.

[Ratatosk had certainly grown a lot from when they first met, despite their very short and unpleasant meeting at that. Aster can be assured the world will be in good hands once they return. It's doubtful that he'll ever be able to fully place blame on Ratatosk. There will always be a part of him that will continually feel like it's his fault as well.

He straightens his posture, looking over to the wall.]

If I may ask, I'm wondering if it is possible for us to start over.

[He looks back to Emil and offers another small smile.]

It may be difficult, but I would like to get to know you better as you are now, if that is okay.

Edited (I CAN'T HTML) 2013-07-24 22:19 (UTC)

Start over.

[He's hearing it, but...can that really be what Aster wants? Even after what Emil's heard from Richter, he can't possibly imagine that Aster would continue to think like this.

He deserves Aster's hatred, not his apologies. Not a new start. And the worst part is, he can't bring himself to say no either - to deny Aster what he wants.

So there's a period of silence as he waits for Aster to change his mind and a few confused glances, and then he looks visibly uncomfortable as he says it, but eventually Emil responds.]

...If that's what you want.

It is.

[That hesitation weighs on Aster, but he's determined to make this work. He's dead on his world. Nothing will change that and it make take him some time to fully accept, but Ratatosk had the courage to apologize to him. To speak to him. Even if it took more time than Aster would have liked to track him down to begin with.

He's never been one to hold grudges and surely, he could never hate the spirit that his life revolved around for so long. If after all that research and time he snubbed Ratatosk now, then what would have been the point of it all? No, speaking to him one on one is what he always wanted. To have him help balance the world, to save it, and the people on it. All of that did happen.]

Courage is the magic that turns dreams into reality.

[For the first during this whole conversation, Aster has a genuinely happy smile.]

As long as we have courage, I am sure we can begin again.

["Courage is the magic that turns dreams into reality." Those are the words that Emil has held on to since his journey began, and even now they make him want to be a better person. For once today, Emil drops his guard and looks at Aster without guilt at the forefront of his mind.

That's right, Aster was the one who told that to Richter in the first place. That was how Richter passed it on to Emil. From Richter, to Emil, to Marta and all the rest of his friends - it all came from him, at the source.

He owes a lot more to Aster than he even thinks about, doesn't he?]

...Richter told me that, when we first met. It's meant a lot to me ever since then.

[It's the first time they've been eye to eye during this whole conversation and Aster doesn't miss the kind of progress that shows. It gives him hope that they can move on from this mess. That they can truly start over from here.

Aster's more than pleased to hear Richter told Emil that and that it helped him. Not that he is surprised. Richter is a good person and would do anything to help someone, even if they were the jarring spitting image of their friend.]

I am glad he was there to help you find the courage you needed. Richter's always been a good friend like that.

[Aster can't remember when he first told Richter that, but it was soon after they first met. To think he's the one saying it now? It's actually nice. ]

It has always meant a lot to me as well, ever since I started going to Sybak.

That's a long time, isn't it?

[Director Scnheider had said Aster was...nine, when he started? To believe in things like that, at such an age - that's not something Emil could have done himself.]

You really are amazing.

[It's half observation, half admiration. Emil's figured Richter's friend must be a great person ever since Richter told Emil about him in Iselia, but even knowing that listening to Aster makes him realize that was only the beginning of it. Aster seemed to have a lot of courage, didn't he?]

[The second statement throws him off guard quickly. As unexpected as it would be coming out of anyone's mouth, it was especially coming from Ratatosk. Aster never really thought of himself as amazing. In fact, he owed everything to the people around him. ]

That is kind of you to say, Ratatosk. However if there is anything amazing about me it is only because of the people who supported me.

[If that little bit had happened any other time, with any other conversation background outside of 'you're dead', Aster would have been thrilled to hear Ratatosk say that to him, even if he didn't agree. It's like his life's work is giving him a compliment. How many researchers could say that? ]

Richter and Rilena are amazing people.

[A slight pause.]

I suppose you wouldn't know her, but she is a talented researcher in Sybak as well.

[Rilena...right. She and Aster had been close too, he remembers that.]

I met her once when we were looking for information about you, but it wasn't for long.

[He'd been too wrapped up in his own problems at the time, and besides she'd just gotten out of danger after the incident in the Temple of Lightning. For Aster's sake, though, Emil wished that he could have gotten to know a little more about her back then.]

I think she's doing all right.

[And that's the most he can offer, unfortunately.]

[They had gotten around, hadn't they? Aster's surprised to hear they ended up meeting Rilena, but that wasn't such a far stretch if they had gone to Sybak.

Still, it's enough to know she's doing okay. The news had taken such a turn that Aster nearly thought something happened to her as well. 'I think' may be small, but it allows him to set aside one worry during all this. He looks relieved at that small bit.]

Is she? I am glad to hear that. She is a nice girl although I imagine the meeting between you two was...interesting.

[The polite way of saying very awkward.

Talking about his friends like this is comforting in a way and painful in another. He will never see them again.]

What kind of information were you seeking?

[There's nothing that Richter couldn't have told him after all.]

[He probably shouldn't have said that. In retrospect, what they were looking for was entirely wrong. Emil's next response is something more of an embarrassed mumble.]

At the time, I didn't know who I was at all. After we went to Sybak, everyone started thinking that I...might actually be you.

[Talk about awkward. Yeah, Emil really regrets that part of his life right now, along with many other parts.]

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