alcohol, your songs resound like my life never will

[moralperil]

Date & Time: 8/13/13, evening, two hours after this conversation.
Location: a bar of Jack's choosing
Characters: Mahdi (moralperil) & Jack (allucinator)
Summary: Mahdi's celebrating his one year anniversary in Exsilium. Jack promised Mahdi a drink, Mahdi bumped it up to two.
Warnings: TRIGGER WARNINGS: PTSD episodes, discussion of sexual abuse.

[There's a lot for him to think about, out in the rain. Mahdi tries not to sulk and dwell on being called 'kid', on being treated childishly. In a year here, he's only just recently started to understand this attitude comes from people who want to look out for him. They can't know how impossible a task that is.

It sucks, in a way. He'll probably always be the one who's like a little brother, the treasured friend, the ally and angel but never more than that. These are all great things to be, things Mahdi is happy to be, but he wonders why it seems like the only way to be thought of as an adult is to act cynical and jaded. It seems to him like not letting the world change you is a form of maturity, too, but the sincerity and sweetness he treasures are not valued by all.

Normally, Mahdi doesn't get so reflective, but it has been a year and nearly two weeks since he's arrived. He's been thinking about a lot of things lately, like how it's been over two years since he's seen his family and the last real conversation he had with his sister Fayra was about how he needed to get out more, how he ought to go dancing with her, how he needed to try and have fun and get a date since it's been two years since that last guy, dang it.

(Okay, now it's been more like four.)

But Mahdi hasn't been trying like she'd want him to, even though he has more opportunity here. He rarely goes out at night. He usually stays home, maybe practices some recipes and just goes to bed early.

Maybe he actually finds this place pretty depressing. It's time he stopped, he figured. It's time he took some kind of move in his personal life.

When Mahdi turns up at the bar, he's no longer in the casual-disheveled state he had been when they chatted on the tablets. He's pulled his hair back into a loose braid, and he's wearing a nice blue sweater and trousers. He arrives a few minutes earlier than two hours, so worried he might be late or find the wrong place. He pulls off his yellow raincoat with a shiver, and searches the room for Jack. If he hasn't arrived yet, he'll find a table or something - stools are just too challenging for him.]

Comments

:3

[allucinator]

[He lets out a wordless little noise, not-so-secretly pleased with that bit of contact.]

Cuz I'm good at goin' forward-- at, you know, not stoppin', not givin' up-- but I'm shit at optimism lately.

ffffff why are they so cute

[moralperil]

[Oh, in that case, Mahdi is completely prepared to give him a professional-level petting, with little skritches and massaging strokes at the nape of his neck.] It's okay. I'm gonna tell you a secret. Before I took my last mission, I was so sad that I didn't leave my room for weeks. I had to go to a hospital. It's taken me a lot of time to get here... And sometimes it's only because I'm scared, you know?

god i adore them

[allucinator]

[He's just drunk enough that he isn't worried about who's looking-- which is good, because he really like this. Happily he twists his head this way and that, pushing against Mahdi's fingers. At that confession, he manages to peer up at him, though.]

What were you sick with? Or was it just-- you know-- general despair?

me tooooo

[moralperil]

[Mahdi's perfectly content to comfort him this way. His hand remains there, and he peers over his arm to look at Jack when he looks up.]

Yeah. I guess you could say it was. It was kind of a complicated time.

I got sent to Earth to do the job that I'd wanted to do since I was a kid, and... he... he found a way to ruin that. Ruin it bad.

I thought my whole life was ruined. I didn't learn how to smile again until I met someone really gloomy and cranky! [Someone who was hurting almost most as he was, or maybe even more.] I guess that sort of person just brings out the best in me.

[allucinator]

You're good at bein' good.

[He blinks a bit deliberately, trying to focus. God, he's too drunk for this, but he tries to say seriously:]

If-- if-- you don't gotta be afraid o' that anymore. I mean, I know I said it, but I'll-- I'll protect you. I mean, I know you can't just shut off fear, but . . . I won't let that happen to nobody, if I can help it.

[moralperil]

Still not as good as I want to be. [Mahdi demurs softly.]

It's very sweet of you to claim the role of my protector. It's good. I try to protect people too, that's why my weapon from the Initiative makes shields. But greater mortals can disappear and reappear at will on Earth. Locked doors and physical attacks are meaningless with enough discipline. Then we travel unseen. That's one of the scariest things of being here for me.

[And yet he locks his door. Because he wants to believe that line will always be respected, because it's the only way he can get to sleep.]

And if you think I'd let you get in harm's way for my sake, well, you haven't seen me get tough yet.

[Mahdi taps Jack's cheek with his knuckles affectionately.]

[allucinator]

[Distractedly he bats his hand.]

I got magic, boyo, I can-- I can help. Fight with you.

[moralperil]

[The bat is replied to with a brief hair-rustle!]

It's morally and ethically wrong to involve a human in greater mortal affairs.

[Mahdi rattles that off in that way one does with lessons hammered in your head since early child hood, shaking a finger.]

But then... it's morally and ethically wrong for a greater mortal to be involved in human affairs, and I've fucked that up pretty thoroughly.

[Yes. Yes he just said a swear, which apparently only occurs to him when it actually hits his own ears, and Mahdi looks flustered.]

Oh... sorry! I didn't mean to be rude.

[allucinator]

[He laughs a little too loudly.]

Be rude! I like it-- come on, say it again--

[moralperil]

[Is there any of your drink left, Jack, because if there's any he's going to slam the rest of it!]

I fucked up!

[He laughs, but it's almost more like a sob.]

[allucinator]

You're fuckin' ridiculous.

[He grabs for Mahdi's wrist, tugging it gently away from the glass.]

Come on, let's get outta here. I think people is startin' to stare.

[moralperil]

I... I am not! Fuck you! [Mahdi giggles.]

You don't understand how much this place has fucked me up. Made me care about people. Made me love people. And kill people.

I can't go home, but he could come here. That's why I'm depressed. He gets to be in heaven, and I'm here, and he could be here, but I can't go home.

[Mahdi's voice has raised a little, and he ducks, sheepishly.]

I- I don't think anyone's actually looking. No one cares. They're all getting drunk for their own reasons, and it's not to watch losers like us.

[allucinator]

[He frowns again.]

You're better'n him. 'S it so bad to love people?

[moralperil]

...Most people would say it depends on the person.

[Mahdi stands up slowly.]

Right. We were gonna go, right? Fresh air? Fresh rain? Whatever?

[allucinator]

Yeah . . .

[He stands up, watching Mahdi as closely as he's able.]

If-- if it's . . . you know . . . worth anythin'-- [He holds the door open for him.] I'm glad t've met you.

[moralperil]

Jack! [Mahdi laughs, gently reaching up to ruffle his hand through Jack's hair as he passes through the door.] We've only just met! You might think I'm terribly mean when I put you to work cooking!

[allucinator]

[He scowls and punches his arm.]

Shut up. I was tryin' to be nice, shut up--

[moralperil]

You were being really nice! I just don't want you to... I don't want you to talk like suddenly we're not gonna see each other, or something. I want to see more of you, and then you can say whether or not it's a good thing we've met.

I could still totally ruin your life! I'm capable of it! Really!

[Mahdi pouts deliberately, rubbing his arm.] And hitting me was totally mean!

[allucinator]

I'll hit you again, you piss me off.

[Bu-ut he slings an arm around his neck, tugging them close as they wander in the rain.]

And you couldn't ruin my life if you tried. You're too short.

[moralperil]

[Mahdi sticks out his tongue with the requisite sound effect thbbbbt!] You're just a bully! Prejudiced against short people!

I could show up at your house and start singing and dancing and follow you forever.

[allucinator]

You'd get sick of it. You'd get a sore throat. You'd get all whiny cuz I wasn't listenin'-- I know how you theater people get.

[moralperil]

I'm a theater person now? Does that mean I'm glamorous? [Mahdi snickers, huddling in to avoid a spout of water from an overhang.] I'm sure I could think of something! I can be cruel! I used to make my partner his favorite dish... And then put too much salt in it! Or a little soap!

[allucinator]

If you do that I'll retaliate. Fair warning.

[He grins dimly down at mahdi for a few seconds before his face draws.]

I used to-- I used to think that maybe I couldn't do this stuff anymore. Ever touch nobody again. I used to . . . I'd have-- I'd have panic attacks when people touched me. Even normal stuff.

i'm sorry for the delay darling I WAS THINKING OF YOU THE WHOLE TIME I WAS BUSY

[moralperil]

[Mahdi carefully slips a hand around Jack's waist and gives him a little squeeze.]

I'm glad you're comfortable with me.

I... didn't touch anyone one, wasn't allowed to 'cause of work, for two years after I got away. So it's different for me, I think. I get worried if I can't touch the world.

NEVER BE SORRY <3333

[allucinator]

Yeah. We used to-- I mean, this, here, it's the first time I've ever had a bed to meself. I grew up on touch. It's good. Helps ... heal you. Or somethin'.