exsiliumlogs | The Italian Job

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The Italian Job

Date & Time: May 1st, 1797, on the eve of Venice's fall to Napoleon.
Location: Venice
Characters: Gilbert Nightray and Xerxes Break
Summary: Intrigue, truth-telling, fancy dress parties, and gondoliering.
Warnings: Gilbert's bitter tears

With talks of the war raging on around them soon coming to their doorsteps, the Venetian rich are trying very hard to take a moment away from the gnawing fear of Napoleon forcing the issue of war on the Republic of Venice.

The perilous (too perilous!) mission of our intrepid, gallant heroes is to - attend grand balls. Three of them. The purpose isn't so much to cure once and for all Gilbert's fear of romance, as to ferret out a Napoleonic spy and collect documents of rare historical - and tactical - value.

Time is of the essence, and to facilitate information-gathering, the Initiative has given our heroes a prototype device that compels truth-telling in the form of a "masculine" hat: that is to say, purple velvet, with flowers on. And a ribbon.

It's a manly mission for manly men.

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[He slumps down to his knees, oar stilling in the water.]

And now I feel even more seasick because of it...

[ Xerxes Break does not know whether to fall over giggling or weep or simply stare goggle-eyed at this event horizon of stunning pitifulness. ]

[ In the end he just takes the hat off and presses it reverentially over his heart, whilst cringing. He's excruciatingly embarrassed, too; and not all of that is second-hand. ]

Ah, Gilbert. You are--

[ Finally he puts the hat back on, absent-mindedly. He's still reeling. ]

You're an idiot. You do know that, don't you?

[ It's a rhetorical question, but a question, none the less. ]

Of course I know that. You...

[His eyes suddenly go wide as something very, very important occurs to him, seemingly out of the blue.]

Why am I--?

[GASPS.

POINTS.

ACCUSES!!!]

YOU USED THAT HAT!!

[ ...ah. ]

Well I... haha! I had to learn how it works, right? It'll be invaluable for intelligence-gathering. It was, er, it was necessary. For the mission!

[ For all Gilbert's unwavering loyalty through the years, at this moment Break is grateful that he knows how to swim. ]

For the mission...for the mission?! Of all the things you could have asked me for the sake of the mission?!

[He stands up, abandons the oar and steps forward, foot slamming down hard on the bottom of the boat. Better be ready to jump out, Break.]

That was really the most useful thing that you could think to ask?!

[ Without the stabilizing effect of forward motion, Gilbert's hard stomping makes the boat wobble. Break's hands come up instinctively, just in time, grabbing the side of the boat. ]

Well - yes!

[ Thinking fast... ]

It had to be something you wouldn't ordinarily answer! And... and...

Edited 2013-09-03 02:49 (UTC)

[ This is poor judgement probably, but he can't resist. If Gilbert is a mound of angry fire ants, Break is and always will be a stick. ]

And the answer had to be something I knew already~! ♥

[Well, he could always shove this bastard off the boat into the water.

Or.]

I'm turning this gondola around!

[Be even more mature about it.]

[ He lets go of the sides of the boat slowly. He'd been bracing for something involving an oar, but in the end Gilbert is simply too pathetic... ]

That's a good idea, actually.

[ ...or too loyal. Ugh. How completely revolting, now he's beginning to get queasy. ]

The Doge's Palace is in the other direction, I'm pretty sure.

Huh-?

[He turns and looks back the opposite direction, down the long canal.]

WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT EARLIER?!

It was sunnier this way~!

[ He pulls on his hat brim, a smug salute. ]

Don't you like the sunshine, Gilbert?

[ He'll test the hat one more time, just to make sure. ]

I like the rain better.

[He grumbles as he props himself back up to grab the oar and steer them off towards the nearest pier. It's tough to say if that's a truth told because of the hat or just an absent minded complaint for the sake of complaining.]

[ Hm, that wasn't too terribly helpful. He could keep teasing, but after Gilbert's excruciating litany of humiliation, it seems a bit anticlimactic. Or pointless. Or just too easy. Like taking candy from a baby...

Which he's actually been known to do, but! For the moment, he'll speak seriously. ]

This is important. Listen to me. I'm precisely determining the properties of this hat, which - as I've mentioned - could be critical to the timely completion of our task.

Now, I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you lie, okay? It's very important that you not tell me the truth.

[ ...

Goddammit. He can't resist. ]

Do you like me, Gilbert?

[He briefly stops rowing, eyes going wide as he stares down at the clear water in front of them, the lazy clouds reflected off of the rippling surface.

Do you like me, Gilbert?]

I -

[He might be forced to answer, but that doesn't mean he has to let Break hear his answer. One hand still on the oar, he slaps the other over his mouth quickly, muffling the sound of his answer into a mess of mmph mm mmmnnph hmm hhm mmmmph's.]

[ How peculiar. He'd expected Gilbert, if forced to be truthful, would sing out his dislike with gusto. Or - if he were able to resist the truth-telling effects - just get angry and refuse to answer.

But this odd mmmmph-ing... ]

What--?

[ He checks himself, making a mental note: when it comes to this hat, don't ask anything you don't want to know the answer to.

...idiot. ]

[ He plucks the hat from his head and busily rearranges his fringe. ]

I wonder...haha! I wonder if it resets after a while. This hat. It's, ah, it's much more useful when the vict-- I mean, target doesn't realize what he's being asked.

[He gives a flustered huff as he rows them up to the nearest pier. It's louder over here, but it's only for a moment so he can turn them the hell around.]

In that case, we need to be careful what we ask. [Eyebrow twitch.] And not use it so recklessly!

fin.

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...changed my mind! (1/2)

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