The Italian Job

[maddeninghatter]

Date & Time: May 1st, 1797, on the eve of Venice's fall to Napoleon.
Location: Venice
Characters: Gilbert Nightray and Xerxes Break
Summary: Intrigue, truth-telling, fancy dress parties, and gondoliering.
Warnings: Gilbert's bitter tears

With talks of the war raging on around them soon coming to their doorsteps, the Venetian rich are trying very hard to take a moment away from the gnawing fear of Napoleon forcing the issue of war on the Republic of Venice.

The perilous (too perilous!) mission of our intrepid, gallant heroes is to - attend grand balls. Three of them. The purpose isn't so much to cure once and for all Gilbert's fear of romance, as to ferret out a Napoleonic spy and collect documents of rare historical - and tactical - value.

Time is of the essence, and to facilitate information-gathering, the Initiative has given our heroes a prototype device that compels truth-telling in the form of a "masculine" hat: that is to say, purple velvet, with flowers on. And a ribbon.

It's a manly mission for manly men.

Comments

ACT ONE

[maddeninghatter]

[ Venice is a city that has been in decline since the fifteenth century; but nowhere else on earth can dissipation and dissolution be so ineffably elegant. The canals are its main point of beauty, and are also inexorably wearing it away, with each gentle lap of the water against ancient edifices. No fewer than fifty palaces line the Grand Canal, rising directly out of the water, renaissance and gothic arches gracing their facades. Bright sunshine reflects from the verdigris dome of a church. Graceful bridges span the canal. In the smaller, offshooting, maze-like canals, laundry hangs in lines between pastel-painted buildings.

At the end of the eighteenth century, Venice was the most cultured, most elegant, most beautiful city on earth. Sadly, this seems to be lost on two occupants of an errant gondola, one of whom is rowing it with a twitchy gusto that seems out-of-place in this city. The other is stretched across the bow in a posture of repose, as relaxed as his companion is anxious, his long pretty fingers trailing in the water. ]

Aren't you supposed to be singing? I'm fairly certain you are. We've got to be authentic and blend in, you know. Sing me a song!

[retraced]

[They could have just walked. Found a carriage ride. Paid one of these gondoliers to take them to where they needed to go - legally! But instead, Gilbert has let Break talk him into the 'best' route, which is likewise the most dangerous. He's never driven one of these boats before. He's not even certain he can swim in these waters properly if they fall out! The water is calm enough, but keeping a steady rhythm in hopes of driving this boat over the water straight and true is proving to be trickier than it looks.

And then there's this asshole.]

I'm not singing a song! [He snaps loudly before dropping his voice down, urgently.]

We shouldn't be drawing attention to ourselves so keep it down!

[maddeninghatter]

Dear me, you're always pushing work onto me. How tiresome.

[ He's done a bit of research prior to this mission, and though his performance is anachronistic by about a century... ]

Aissera, Nanninè, me ne sagliette,
tu saie addò?

[ He likes the song, anyway. He pauses before the next phrase and points to Gilbert, as if he's supposed to come in. ]

[retraced]

[And Gilbert returns that bit of song with a look that croons back:




Fuck. No.]

[maddeninghatter]

You're no fun at all!

[ Their translator should take care of the actual Italian language difficulties, but it's still a nice exercise to get some of the vowels and words and cadences down first. Also, his singing is sure to annoy Gilbert, so everybody wins. He continues on with the song, getting to the refrain: ]

Jammo, jammo 'ncoppa jammo jà
Funiculì, funiculà
Funiculì, funiculà
'ncoppa jammo jà,
Funiculì, funiculà!

[ It's meant to be sung full-voice by a well-fed Italian tenor, so Break's breathy high voice does the song no justice at all. Even so, he raises his arms and conducts himself, swinging his wrists floppily. ]

[retraced]

[And thus Gilbert adds this moment to the list of the Top Ten Most Embarrassing Moments Of My Life (So Far).]

Break...people are staring...!

[People in passing boats that wouldn't be able to get a great look at them at the speed that Gilbert is trying to keep them at here, but staring nonetheless.]

[maddeninghatter]

They're only staring cos I have to provide my own musical accompaniment. You could sing the chorus at the very least.

Besides - singing might calm you down, you seem very anxious.

[ He has got the purple truth-telling hat clutched in one hand; he hasn't tried it out yet. No time like the present. He sits up in the gondola, and flips it onto his head. ]

What is it you're worrying about, honestly? What's at the top of your mind, hm?

[retraced]

[He's too busy watching the road the water to notice what Break is doing, but he's mostly just happy that that terrible singing has stopped for now.

And without thinking about it, he answers:]

My singing voice is terrible. If anything it'll just make me feel more anxious to have to hear it, and I'm already worried enough about getting through this mission without any further embarrassment. Plus I feel a little seasick at the moment...

[maddeninghatter]

Embarrassing yourself? That's what you're worried about?

[ It would be hilarious if it weren't so terribly pathetic. Actually - it's both. More importantly, the hat seems to be working as advertised. That said, confessing to a terrible singing voice isn't so much of a revelation. He should probably delve a little deeper... ]

[retraced]

Of course it is! That and...

[His grip falters on the oar.]

...failing without anything to show for it.

[He has to have something to show Oz, some proof that he'd needed to leave again for a reason, and make him proud for having done so.]

1/2

[maddeninghatter]

[ !!!

Because that doesn't touch a nerve or anything. ]

You--

[maddeninghatter]

[ He touches the brim of his hat, feeling the velvet between his fingers. Yes, all right. Fine. He's got the perfect question, something Gilbert would never tell him: ]

Ah... haha!

What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?

ACT TWO

[retraced]

[A lifetime later, the two of them have finally found suitable clothing, another good meal, another stolen ride and entrance into the gala. This is going to be quick and easy, Gilbert keeps telling himself. With Break's silly yet helpful hat, they'll be able to get the information that they need without any trouble and then slip away into the night before anyone has a chance to find them suspicious.

What could go wrong?

Well, for starters, they've only just arrived and Gilbert has already lost Break in the crowd. Spotting a big purple hat should be easy, but it's less easy when you've got to politely introduce yourself to everyone who stops to talk to you. Polite society. Bah!]

[maddeninghatter]

[ It might be some time before Gilbert finds him, but eventually he'll recognize the unmistakable combination of purple hat, white hair, and insufferable smugness that is Xerxes Break.

Break will just have finished speaking to a richly-dressed, masked man; with a bow and a tip of his hat he turns away. ]

[retraced]

[Oh, there he is. Purple flashes out of the corner of his eye and he politely excuses himself from the rather bizarre, awkward conversation that he's having with two men about the state of a church being built in town based around a religion that he doesn't understand. It takes a few seconds of absent pleasantries before he can get away, but after he's finished he's marching directly up to Xerxes Fucking Break and grabbing his shoulder from behind.]

Don't just wander off! [He hisses as quietly as he can. Never mind that it was Gilbert who was actually the one who wandered anywhere.]

[maddeninghatter]

[ He allows that shoulder grab to pull him off-balance, and spins around with a false windmill of his arms, finally grabbing Gilbert's waist for support. ]

Oho, there you are! Miss me?

1/2

[retraced]

[Shit he's wearing the hat isn't he.]

2/2

[retraced]

[Well, it's a good thing that this is the truth.]

No! Absolutely not!

[He'd shove him away, but it's a little too crowded in here to do so without bumping into someone and causing a scene, so he'll just be forced to allow it for now.]

[maddeninghatter]

[ He'd sort of remembered after the fact that he was wearing the hat, and was on tenter hooks that Gilbert might say something embaras-- Ah thank goodness! ]

How cruel you are to meeeee~! ♥

[ Dropping the silly voice, he tips his head towards Gilbert's and murmurs: ]

I've got good news and - well, better news, actually.

[retraced]

[Oh thank goodness because all Gilbert has is one woman staring from across the room all night and a head full of info about nonsense of location of a new church and drama over the artwork that will be gracing it after the fact.]

What is it?

[maddeninghatter]

The good news is: the Contessa Lucia Terzani da Marsciano is our spy.

[ Now turning, so he can whisper in Gilbert's ear. ]

The better news is - she's apparently been asking all evening about the handsome stranger with his wild, raven-haired locks, his golden eyes glittering like jewels, and his tormented expression, which must hide some deep abiiiiiiding passion~! ♥

1/2

[retraced]

2/2

[retraced]

Whatever you're planning I won't go along with it!

[He doesn't even need to ask, he can already see the gears turning in Break's head and he refuses all of it.]

[maddeninghatter]

[ Eye roll. It's just for effect, obviously, but even so... ]

Gilbert, she's got an entourage. I can't get near her, nor could I persuade her to come with me on her own. You can. Just go up and introduce yourself to her, and say you've got something you'd like to tell her privately. Then just ask her where the documents are. That's all you have to do, trust me.

[ Letting go of Gilbert's waist, he plucks the hat from his head and settles it on Gilbert's head. ]

Off you go~!

[retraced]

I-if that's the case what makes you think I can--?!

[He grunts as the hat is shoved onto his head. It's still warm, and it doesn't fit right. Not like his own beloved hat, which was left behind in Exsilium for fear of it getting lost or dirtied in the past. He's not even sure how to wear something like this, and it completely clashes with what he has on. Would she really still want to talk to him while wearing this stupid thing?!

He raises both hands to adjust it on his head and to hide the stupid expression on his face. There really is no other choice...]

How am I supposed to greet her? What do I say? What if she figures out what's going on...

[He's going to get slapped before the end of the night, isn't he.]