[OPEN] Wait, let me set the record straight: I was never really yours in the first place.

[hostage]

Date & Time: January 9 and onward
Location: in and about town
Characters: Jesse & OPEN to anyone
Summary: A chance for an everyday encounter with Jesse. Put the date in your subject line!
Warnings: Breaking Bad spoilers are likely.

[Jesse might be the only one who finds Exsilium's current state beautiful rather than desolate and depressing. For more reasons than one, if given the choice between here and home, he'd choose here without hesitation. The snow and the chill do nothing to deter him from taking long walks. For as long as he can physically stand it, he prefers the cold over being confined inside four walls.

So he walks. Every day, without any particular destination, without anything else to occupy him. The concerns of the Initiative and the Transports are no longer his own. Whatever they're up to, they mean little to him. He's still got enough stolen Russian gold to pay for whatever he needs without having to work, so that's how he's choosing to live for as long as he's able. His time is spent doing whatever he wants to do, and at the moment, what he wants to do is wander.

Freedom: that's what this is about. No one is ever going to make him do anything ever again.]

Comments

[5055034455]

[Holding Jesse's gaze while he speaks doesn't do Saul any favors — it only makes the lump in his throat feel that much harder.

He can't say Jesse's wrong, but on some level, he is. There's so much that's been left out, and it's all Saul can do to not spit I took a bullet for you, you motherfucker in Jesse's face.

But what makes him feel worse isn't that Jesse's kicking that and a few other Big, Important Details to the curb; what hurts is that all those little things that meant so much to Saul apparently didn't mean jack shit to anyone else.

He's almost smirking when he finally speaks again.]

I get it now. Why Walt chose you.

[hostage]

The fuck is that supposed to mean?

[5055034455]

Kindred spirits, right?

[hostage]

[Rage flares over his features and he advances on Saul. If he had his gun, he'd pull it out and shoot without another word. But he doesn't. All he's got is the hatred in his eyes.]

Say that again.

[5055034455]

[Saul, stupidly, doesn't even flinch.]

Y'know how people kept giving him chance after chance even though he didn't deserve a single one of them?

[hostage]

What kinda chance do you think you ever gave me?

[5055034455]

[Boy, does that make him laugh.]

Are you fuckin' serious? Do you really need me to answer that for you?

[hostage]

Yeah. Yeah, tell me, Saul. What part should I thank you for? Not killing me sooner?

[5055034455]

[Jabbing a finger at Jesse's chest:] I gave you the benefit of the doubt over and over and over again. You were sick, I thought you wouldn't willingly make yourself sick again after I helped you get better. You fucked things up with Lisbeth, I thought things would work out if I convinced her to give you another chance. You threatened to kill Stephanie, you tried to kill yourself in front of me — every time, I thought no, no way, I can fix this, he won't do it again. And every time, every goddamn time, you one-upped yourself somehow. I saved your life because I thought you were worth it and deserved something better than what I helped Walt dismantle back home — and for what? This?

[hostage]

So you're mad you couldn't fix the thing you ruined.

[5055034455]

I'm mad because you're acting like the things I did for you here never mattered!

[This is starting sound an awful lot like a conversation he's had before.

With one of his ex-wives.]

[hostage]

[Icily:]

That must be so sad for you. I totally can't imagine how that feels.

[5055034455]

I had no control over that, Jesse! I was here the whole time! What, d'you think I skipped off home after you went and killed yourself because I knew I'd have another chance to make your life miserable? Why would I do that to you?

[hostage]

You're fucking unbelievable.

[5055034455]

Yeah, well, so're you.

[SO THERE.]

[hostage]

Where'd I get the dope, Saul?

[5055034455]

Why are you asking me?

[hostage]

Why'd you cover it up?

[5055034455]

I didn't want them to know it was suicide. D'you know what that does to a person? Hearing that someone you cared about, someone you loved made that choice? I didn't believe it at first — I even had Roslyn investigate, but she didn't find anything. Mike doesn't know where you got the drugs, either. He said you were fine, and then —

[And then Jesse was gone.

Saul looks down, shivering. Why are they having this conversation outside?]

[hostage]

[Because Jesse likes being somewhere he can run. Like he's tempted to do now. All this stinks of bullshit, after everything. He shouldn't even be listening. He'll end up falling into a trap, he knows it.]

I bet, yeah. You just wanted to help people.

[5055034455]

I told them you went home. I wasn't wrong, was I? And now you're back — I wonder how they'd feel if they all knew what you did. I wonder if they'd feel the same way I do.

[He bets they would.

What he doesn't understand is why Jesse doesn't believe him. He does, but he doesn't. He tried to change, he tried to be better, and what has it gotten him? A pile of people who hate his guts.

This is bullshit.]

[hostage]

I know how they feel. Because I'm the one that's been telling 'em. You wanna know how they feel? Confused. Because you lied to 'em about something that didn't need lying about.

[He leans in, staring holes into Saul.]

Are you mad 'cause I died, or mad 'cause I didn't stay dead?

[5055034455]

[He's tempted to repeat what he said to Stan: It wasn't a lie, technically. Just an omission of truth. He never said Jesse wasn't dead.

But that doesn't really matter at this point.

Saul leans back, unable to meet Jesse's eyes.]

I'm not mad about anything.

[hostage]

Really.

[5055034455]

Really. Why'd you do it, huh? To get back at me? Were you waiting for that opportunity to present itself again?