exsiliumlogs | closed ► you would take the breath from my throat

That so, huh?

[Ugh, he worries about his roommates (and himself). None of them looked, well, like Earth standards. ]

Guess the UE is too powerful to blame, so they're taking it out on us for catching their attention. Great.

[oh right, now he remembers hating humanity]

Maybe they don't realize that if we weren't actively fighting the UE, they wouldn't have a place to live. At least, that's what we've been led to believe. I don't think we're on the wrong side, but... we should be working under our own power instead of the Initiative.

At the end of the day, aren't we just following orders? No wonder we don't have any credibility in the eyes of these people.

[She folds her hands on the table, just barely touching her fingers together as she collects her thoughts.]

Tch, it doesn't matter if we're on the right side or have any credibility - it wouldn't change anything. Things get bad, and people try to find an easy scape goat. That's just how it is.

[It's how it was with the half-elves, the Chosen, people from Mizuho. The details never mattered nor did the full story, they were still the ones who got the brunt of things when stuff went south]

That doesn't make it okay. We should be working with them, not against them. If the Initiative decides to do something horrible to us, we're on our own. I don't... like the sound of that.

[She shakes her head.]

There has to be something we can do. They aren't fighting in this war, but everything that hurts us-- hurts them, too.

[He takes a spoonful of his stew and eats it while she talks. It's really good, but he still frowns when she talks]

Well, I just spent three weeks treating their illnesses, and apparently I still might get stuff thrown at my head. So if you have any ideas, I'd like to hear them.

[Sheena lets out a frustrated breath.]

Going back in time to change the plague didn't bring back the people who died. Has anyone tried talking to them? Asking them what they want?

I don't know, I've kept pretty close to the apartment since it ended.

Not sure we could give them what they want anyway, since it's probably their loved ones back.

Y... yeah. [She makes a fist against the table, but that's it. There's nothing they can do right now. Not until they know more. Maybe even if they do. Sheena has been the target of this sort of hatred before. She can almost feel the weight of the village on her shoulders again.

She lets the topic die so that Zelos can eat. She's not sure how well he's acquainted with the art of cooking while disabled, and she's still under the illusion that he needs to eat to survive.

The peaceful silence of the apartment turns suffocating as she sits there. Sheena wants to be walking around, but that's not really an option with a friend who has a busted leg. Really, she should apologize, but she can't seem to form the right words.]

-- You should really get that leg looked at.

[He meanwhile was eating the stew. Sure, he doesn't need food to survive and beyond the time he switched bodies with Ino, it's been a long time since he's even felt real hunger- but hey, he still had cravings and still enjoyed eating. Which hey, this is delicious so it makes him happy]

[But he'll look up at her when she speaks up, raising his eyebrows and looking half amused. Seriously Sheena]

- Uh, Sheena? I live with a healer.

[She blinks once... twice.]

... Then why the heck are you still hobbling around?!

[Ha ha haaaaa she's concerned and there's really no way around it.]

[he snickers] Bones take time to heal, even with healing magic- and it was a pretty nasty break too. So even if the time's greatly reduced, it's still gonna be about a week to heal fully.

[And hereee comes the teasing]

Why? You worried about me~?

Oh...

[FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. She's turning red, just as he expects her to.]

W-- well, yeah! Y-you're my friend, so of course I'm worried. It's not like I'm the best at making splints out in the middle of nowhere, either. I thought it might heal up crooked or something.

[She hugs herself, looking away.]

[She always looks so cute like that....]

[But hey, she actually admitted she was worried instead of proclaiming no. That is really something...]

Ahaha, it was fine. As sexy as having a cane would be, I should heal up just fine!

Ugh. You're such an idiot.

[She huffs a bit. She was going to say something else, but hell if she can find the words. She settles for looking at him out the corner of her eye, like she's deliberating.]

Whaat? What did I do?

[But you know, she's acting odd enough that he'll decide to ask]

Anyway, everything alright? I mean not that I don't appreciate it, but you cook my favorite food, you check up on me in person than over the tablet...

I mean, did something happen?

[Sheena looks surprised that he even picked up on it. She's not used to people being that observant. But then again, Zelos really is. When he's not opening his mouth, he's always listening and watching and putting things together. How much of that is because of Cruxis, she doesn't know-- and doesn't care.

She tucks a bit of hair behind her ear.]

Ah, well...

[She thinks back on her conversation with Cheria. This isn't quite the same as trying some of Kaneis' cooking, but it's similar, right?]

I think I... haven't been fair to you lately. If... that makes sense. [Her fingers squeak a little on the table as she pulls her fingers back into her palms, making stressed-out fists.]

Edited 2013-06-25 05:08 (UTC)

[he meanwhile blinks in confusion. While yeah, he picked up something was off with her behavior today- treatment towards him? Well, he isn't really so good at picking up what is good and bad treatment too well. Or at least, what is fair treatment to him]

[Because you know, you kinda need some feelings of self-worth to feel you deserve better.]

Huh? What do you mean?

[Of course, she reads it completely wrong.] You-- you don't have to act dumb, okay?! I know I've been really mean to you. It was totally out of line. You didn't even do anything. I just... I keep messing things up, even when you're trying really hard. Like at the party, and everything after.

That's why... that's why I made the food. I was going to check in anyway, but I thought apologizing in person would be better.

[She frowns and tugs on her gloves, avoiding his eyes.]

So... I'm sorry.

Edited 2013-06-25 05:20 (UTC)

[This may be one of the few times she sees a surprised expression on his face that lasts more than a couple seconds. Because honestly, no one apologizes to him. Not unless it's a formality to make sure they can still get stuff out of him]

[But this is sincere...and emotional...and honest and for stuff it didn't even occur to him as bad since really, so used to so much worse.]

[He's a bit at a loss for what to do, because this? this is an entirely new situation for him. He almost wishes one of his roommates was home just so they can explain to him what he's supposed to do]

I...

[Argh, come on. Think of something to say]

I never really...thought you were being mean...

[Sure, maybe cranky and a couple of the remarks here and there hurt- but who wasn't cranky with everything going on? That's all it was right? It wasn't like she tried to use him or kill him or ignore his existence or prod his problems to the point of making him lash out...]

[Yep. So very lost right now. ]

Edited 2013-06-25 05:33 (UTC)

[... Well, that's not the answer she expected, so they're even. She was thinking maybe he'd make fun of her or something, or go on about how terrible it is to wrong the great Zelos Wilder-- but there's none of that. Not even a hint. Once again, her mind's impression of him is completely separate from the reality.]

You... didn't?

[Her brows furrow slightly.]

But... I was treating you like you did something wrong. [She looks down at her hands on the table.] When I acted like that during the journey, one of the others would usually stop me before it got too far.

There's just no reason for it. [He's changed. Or maybe she's the one who started looking at him differently. Whatever the case:] You deserve better than that.

Not...really. I mean, I never thought they were compliments or something stupid like that. But it's always how we were, so...

[He shifts a little, feeling really out of sorts here because this is a new thing he didn't really understand at all. Deserve better? Ha...what a joke. He was lucky to get what he did get, and he knew it. What with everything he's screwed up and done]

[He pushes a curly lock of hair behind his ear. He looks down at the table, at his hands

To tell you the truth, I really don't think I deserve anything at all - so don't worry about that.

[She's never heard him say anything like that before. In fact, the last time he even considered something similar, she ended up nearly throwing boiling hot tea all over him. This isn't cool. He might look uncomfortable, but she looks hurt and angry and shocked, enough to stand up straight and push her chair back.

If he won't stand up for himself, then she will.]

Just what is that supposed to mean!? You don't think you deserve anything? Wha-- why...

[He's lived in the lap of luxury his whole life. It's the complete opposite of everything she ever expected.]

You're a human being! You deserve to be treated like one! You deserve to have friends and-- and a life, just like everyone else!

[She stalks her way around the table. She might not be grabbing him yet but it's so very tempting. She'll just flail angrily instead.]

-- And don't even start with how you're a traitor! I know and I don't care. Making bad decisions doesn't make you a bad person!

Ugh, you're so damn stupid sometimes!

[Maybe she's never heard him say anything like that, but he's definitely said it. Even if it was in their own subtle ways, laid between jokes or when people were just out of earshot. Sometimes he'd say it just to see if anyone noticed, if anyone cared]

[And no one did. He had thought Lloyd did, but in the end he only saw him as not worth it. Why was now so different? Because he was dead?]

[He doesn't even know how to respond to her screaming. What was he supposed to do? Yell back how his whole life has pretty much reinforced these ideas? That no one treated him as human? That he technically wasn't even one anymore? He really didn't want to say any of that stuff]

[And so he crosses his arms tightly against his chest, looking away from her and at the floor- the old defensive stance. ]

So what? I don't deserve getting mean treatment, but I deserve getting screamed at that I'm stupid? C'mon Sheena, you really gotta make this whole thing clearer because I'm totally lost.

[Nope. Not even addressing the rest of that]

[Wow. He just shrugged all that off like it was nothing. She doesn't even know how to answer that, because he's right. Going straight for the guilt, huh? He's always been kind of ruthless.

She doesn't know he lashes out because he's hurt.]

Th... that's not...

[She sucks in a breath, her bottom lip trembling, the edges of her eyes prickling in a telling way. She tries to hold it back, but her throat tightens anyway.]

You can't even look at me.

[She takes a step back, touching her fingers to the edge of her chin.]

Huh?

[Oh, she noticed that huh? Oh well- he'll turn his head and make sure to assume direct eye contact. He notices her own upset look - Did he go too far? He's not even sure. He feels bad, things had been going well and then...]

[Ugh, he knew he just ruins everything. He can't even figure out what he did wrong even, he's that horrible. ]

Oh don't worry, it's not like you made me cry or anything like that.

[He'll never mention that he lacks that ability even if he wanted to]

Edited 2013-06-25 07:09 (UTC)

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