(no subject) (part 2)

[initiatesnpc]

Here is an overflow log for the Black Rock, New Mexico mission! The original log is here, and the OOC information is here. Start new threads or continue old ones, this is just some more room for it to grow into.

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[salvagedsoul]

[The volume makes him look back up and frown at her, confused again. After a second, he holds his hands up.]

.....alright, alright. I don't mean to make you angry. I'm sorry.

[redheadcarrier]

[She freezes, shoulders tensed and hands curled into fists.]

...I'm going outside.

[It's not exactly an invitation, but she's not yelling at him either.]

[salvagedsoul]

[He watches her, a little disappointed. He really did want to buy her lunch. Maybe he just can't be so friendly with Asuka this quickly.

Would it make her feel better to storm out alone and end the conversation with all the control? Kaworu waits, looking for a clearer sign of what she wanted him to do.]

...

[redheadcarrier]

...you can come if you want to.

[And with that, she's gone. Because she's not staying here to get stared at.]

[salvagedsoul]

[He watches her start to stomp away and frowns to himself. Is that an invitation or isn't it? Why is she leaving? Because people are staring? Isn't attention something she wanted? Or is this different somehow? He doesn't understand her at all. This is what she does to Shnji-kun, isn't it. And he doesn't want to come, but he's not talking to her because he wants to. Shinji-kun's sake.

With a sigh, he pushes his chair out and follows her, giving the waitress an apologetic nod as he leaves.

Outside, his hands disappear back into his pockets and he walks to where she stopped.]

...

[redheadcarrier]

[Asuka's outside, staring up at the wide blue sky overhead. She doesn't look at him for a long moment, lost in her own thoughts. She hates this - trapped between wanting to reach out and push others away. It's a terrible feeling and one she's been trying to deal with for a long time.

She's not sure she'll ever get over it, even not that she's aware of it.]

I hate this.

[salvagedsoul]

[Kaworu watches her silently as her eyes are averted. When she finally looks back, he doesn't blink.

Hate "this"... hate what? Talking like this? Being confronted. But everything's a confrontation. Finally, he responds.]

Why?

[redheadcarrier]

Why do you think?

[Asuka retorts with a snap.]

[salvagedsoul]

I can't read your mind.

[Well, Kaworu has an idea. But it's confusing. He looks down at the dirt, thinking.]

....Being asked questions like that is one thing. Answering them is another. Right?

[redheadcarrier]

Good.

[She'd rather he didn't read her mind.]

No, I hate feeling like this!

[salvagedsoul]

[With a sigh, he closes his eyes. He already asked once how she felt; she got angry. How can he understand when she runs away? She's scared. Lilim like this frustrate and confuse him, but it doesn't change the fact that she's miserable. He has to say something.]

There's no shame in seeking change for yourself, Soryu-san.

[redheadcarrier]

What if I don't want to change?

[She's miserable as she is, but she doesn't want to risk having to rely on others. It's a bit of a paradox, really.]

[salvagedsoul]

The world, people, relationships, are a certain way. If you stay as you are, you'll continue to feel the way you do.

[His tone is matter-of-fact. It's a simple truth.]

[redheadcarrier]

Maybe it's easier.

[Her reply is a mutter, surly. She doesn't want to try because it might mean failing.]

[salvagedsoul]

[Kaworu's boots scuff the dirt as he takes a couple of steps closer to her.]

It is easier. You are so armored. Ripping it all of is a scary prospect because you'll be exposing yourself to new pain. But you'll continue to live with your loneliness unless you make a change. It's your decision.