exsiliumlogs | (no subject) (part 2)

She did always twist her words. Most of the time it was done to get what she wanted, and the rest of it she did such things to protect herself. Perhaps she did it more than she should have, but unlike when they'd been all together back at the Garden, she had been all by herself with nobody else to trust or rely on. All she had had been her words, and she had used them so effectively in her travels.

For a single moment, Elza thought that he might have actually given her what she'd been teasingly trying for, but the look in his eyes told him something different. There was the feeling of his fingers brushing against her temple as he brushed her blonde bangs from her eyes.

The gunner had never thought that even Clive could arrive here, let alone Kelley. Yet there seemed to be a fearful sense of hope within his eyes. It seemed that he both desired it and wanted nothing to do with the thought, and she could understand. Trailing her fingers down along the curve of his scalp, she lightly caressed the bone at the back of his ear as she smiled tenderly at him. "He could, just as this town brought both you and I here," Elza murmured. "Do you want him to?"

Clive had always loved Kelley. It had been a love that he had held far dearer than what they had shared. Closing her eyes to push such thoughts away from her mind, she tried to remind herself that Clive had simply been far too hurt and emotional and had said such things only to distance himself.

Clive had always liked to consider himself independent while in the Tower, that he had helped the other two as much as they had helped them. Kelley had been the first boy he remembered knowing and, while older, they had gotten along well in their first years learning about plants and little games to strengthen children to the Guild way of life. He had known Kelley two years longer than he had known Elza, as she had come later.

Funny enough, he remembered the day she came, how he and Kelley had been doing that running test they had to do. She was fast, but they were taller and chased her down. Kelley had gotten ahead, but instead of leaving Elza behind, he had grabbed her hand and pulled her along. Kelley had taken her other hand and they hadn't really been separated much beyond that.

Yet, Kelley was always the elder, the oldest of them, the one he looked to more often than not. They had been born and raised the same way, had never known the same things and hadn't particularly liked the same foods. He thought Kelley his brother and even found himself pushed into things more because his friend. When Kelley died, it was like the only thing he had ever known as a brother, father, uncle, male friend had died too. He didn't even get a chance to say good-bye, to talk Kelly down from the duel; he just expected it wouldn't happen.

Clive didn't want Kelley here, but at the same time, he did. Elza he had so much to make up for, all that blistering hatred at her betrayal, the hurt of her fleeing without him, the lack of answers. Kelley he wanted answers, wanted to talk the other man down from the foolish attitude he hadn't much cared about in the Guild... until it had torn them all apart. Now he cared about it, too little, too late. To have them both back... by the Runes, he thought he couldn't cope but wanted to.

"If Kelley came here, we could... be like that family we had going again," he murmured softly, fingers tracing her temple and then one of her eyebrows lightly. His lips downturned in a rare show of misery. "It's not... a real family though. He and I could never be that way because... I still don't understand it."

He tilted his head to the side, staring into her eyes for a long moment. "I miss him," he confessed softly. "I missed you too... but you're here now."

She watched as the thoughts and memories ran through his mind. It would never be an easy thing to do, and was something that Elza often ran from doing. To her, dipping into her memories often brought up such an intense feeling within that she could never contain it, which was why she hid from those memories instead. It had always been Kelley and Clive before she'd arrived, and had continued to be just that after she had been taken in. They had both taken her hands and pulled her into their fold, but even despite that, it had always been the two of them. Yes they had loved and cared for her, but there had always been that unspoken bond between them that she could never find herself in there with.

It was fine, and there were some parts of her that wished that she had been born in the Guild also, but Elza was no fool and knew that she could never change her past.

She lightly pressed her head up towards her travelling fingers, finding comfort in the gesture as he opened up to her. It was such a rare gesture that she treasured it whenever it occurred, and it left her without all of her methods of protection as she saw how miserable he was without Kelley, without what they all once had.

"He was your brother. Nothing would ever change that or the feelings that you both held for each other - the feelings we all had for each other," she quietly murmured while her fingers gentle brushed back and forth over the spot just behind his ear. "My first family sold me into slavery when they were short on funds, sold me to the Guild where I was found by those who I had loved and cared for just as much as my Mother and Father, and yet they had never thrown me away. Those two foolish boys had taken me in and loved me more than my own flesh and blood ever could, so don't tell me that you cannot understand it."

At his confession, she pushed her head up from the ground to press her forehead against his own. Feeling the warmth of his heat, Elza closed her eyes as she relished the weight of his body and presence all around her. "I hold so many regrets... so many... but most of all I have regretted what I did to the two stupid boys I loved more than anything."

Hearing her say such things about Kelley solidified how long it had been since he had last seen the other man. Even when he and Elza were together, Kelley was no longer there with them, twisted slowly and steadily into something he had cared little to complain about. Kelley was Kelley in his mind, but looking back on those years where their friend had been Guild Master, he realized how different things had begun to be.

"The feelings we still have for each other," he mumbled softly, keeping his gaze from falling away from her face as her fingers stroked that spot behind his ear that he enjoyed so much.

Yet, her speaking of her family was not something that he hadn't heard before. Her voice was different this time, raw and vulnerable as she no doubt relived some of those moments with her family. He never had that, never even knew the names or faces of his mother and father. "I tried to throw you away because it hurt too much. I was blind... but now all I can do is see because of you."

He gritted his teeth against her words of regrets, leaning down to silence her with his lips after a moment. He let his own pain mingle with hers before he rolled off of her, drawing her with him so they lay side-by-side, and he pulled her tight against his chest. Tomorrow they would go back to normal; tonight they could share their regrets. He withdrew from the kiss. "The Elders... made you do it out of fear. I'll give them something to fear when I get back."

His words had her fall silent as he said that they still had feelings for each other. While she had felt as though he still held feelings for her, the gunner didn't want to place herself into a position where she may have found out otherwise. She was a foolish woman, and felt even more so when she felt the spark of something she'd thought long since dead within.

"The feelings we still have for each other," she parrotted in return, a smile on her lips as she shifted to press the lightest press of lips to the corner of his mouth. "It was worth it if it opened your eyes," she murmured while pulling her lips away from his mouth.

Her lips parted when he felt his lips against hers. All of his pain and emotion was felt through that simple and yet intense gesture, and she moved to wrap her arms around his broad back. She wasn't on her back for much longer, and the feel of her gun against her back eased with the movement as they came to lay on their side. Whether things would return back to normal or not in the next day ddin't matter to her, what they had together right now was all that mattered to the gunner right now. So when he withdrew from the kiss, and heard those words, Elza sighed lightly against his lips. "And what of me?"

Clive wasn't certain that he entirely agreed with the way that his eyes had been opened, but he wasn't about to protest what couldn't be undone. He knew the truth from her mouth, and he saw no reason to not use that information to verify the lies that had been told to him. The Guild was built on secrets, yet he had always thought he was privy to knowledge. His mistake was show plain to him by Elza as she lay dying.

He drew a deep breath as he settled on his side, comfortable with the new position and aware that he would soon enough have to rise to add more wood to the fire if it was to last at all. He passed a hand though her hair, pushing it back as she asked that question of him. "You'll remain in my memory while I exact Guild justice on those who betrayed us all."

The gesture was gentle, and it held a tenderness to it that most would never see out of him. Smiling softly to herself at his answer, Elza closed the distance between them to press her lips to his in another brief kiss. It wasn't demanding or full of passion, but the press of lips held the emotion she held for him even as she pulled away.

"I meant while we're here," she quietly corrected while her arms came out to stroke along the length of his back. There was nothing that she could do for him when he returned to their world. Her part in their world had already ended, and she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would continue with that fight and bring justice to the Guild for what they had done. "Unless I'm to be just a memory here for you too."

He tilted his head a little at her correction, and he was forced to lay his head down against the ground since she had previously removed his hood. He contemplated the question and then shrugged his shoulders. "I decide if we go to war. Until then, you have your freedom."

He suspected that she would spend considerable time harassing him now that she could and he would allow it. Beyond that, he had no answer on what they would do with each other. That was to be left for the future to discover together. "You're far too solid and irritating to be just a memory," he remarked dryly.

That wasn't what she had been meaning, but she couldn't blame him for thinking as he always did. Releasing a soft brush of air from her lungs, she smiled lightly in amusement. Always the loyal fighter, he was, and while he had grown much over the years, there was still so much that he remained unaware of. So she remained silent after his answer.

Bringing her hand away from his back, she moved to pull Stern out from the holster at her back before placing the pistol above her head. Though her other arm was still trapped by his weight, the gunner move to lay on her back as she smirked in arrogance and found the return of her teasing manner. "Well I do need to be good at something, Handsome."

Clive watched her silently in the flickering fire light and his gaze watched as she removed Stern and set it aside. That was her weapon now, wasn't it? She had made them sentient, the two pistols that she carried and he had chosen similarly but with different weapons altogether. Yet their decisions still somehow mirrored each other.

He eased his weight up so she could get her arm out from under him where she could lay comfortably on her back. He finally rose away from her and built up the fire with wood for the night, creating more warmth. He was soon enough back by her side, smirking at her answer. "Maybe you should get good at sleeping too then?"

She remained where she was even as Clive released her arm and began to raise. It came as no surprise to her. Her boys had always been a little on the slow side in that regard, but she still remained where she was even as he moved to add more wood to the fire. The fire crackled when the new wood fell on top, and she took her time listening to the sound until he returned back to her side.

"I think that I'm fine in that regard," Elza muttered as she remained laying on her back. The smirk looked good on him. It always did, after all. Reaching up, her hands came to knit behind her head. Sliding one leg up, her knee remained poised in the air as she closed her eyes and kept that arrogant smirk on her face. "You should know that I'm good at everything, gunslinger."

Well, he had noticed that she slept well when they spooned together, despite the hard surface that they were sleeping on. He too had been sleeping better, finding himself well-rested and ready for another day. He wasn't about to guess as to why that was as it might bring up conversations he wasn't ready to have.

He shook his head a little and rested against the ground, watching the shadows flicker across her face in response to the flames nearby. It highlighted her features very well. "Including gloating."

She turned her head to look at him when he lay back down alongside her. Remaining on her back, she watched his face as he shook his head and watched her. After running for so long, everything she wanted was so close and yet so far away from her.

"I did say everything," Elza muttered with a pleasant smile. While her face may have remained mostly in shadows now, but that was how she much preferred it. It helped to hide how she felt in a lot of ways. Dropping her leg down to cross over her other one as she came to lay on her side once again. "Or have you forgotten that, Handsome?"

She looked like she was getting quite comfortable lazing around like that, but it had been a long time since he had seen her so free. Even at the Guild, they had to be guarded against others and the trickery of the Elders and Guild Master who wanted them on guard at all times. She was free for the most part, though she was hiding herself.

He shifted his hand back to tugged at his hood to pull it up and over his head again, the closest thing to a pillow that he had. It kept his head warm at the very least. He raised an eyebrow when she turned to face him again. "I hardly forget your arrogance, woman. Only made worse by the fact you're usually correct in your gloating."

There was always that harsh tone in his tone whenever he spoke, especially when it involved his anger or emotion. Those were the times where she knew that he was hiding the most, and appreciated that small sign of how human he was. She wanted to touch him, but unlike last time, Elza kept her hands to herself.

"I don't think that it's made worse. You're just a sore loser," she retorted with. He always did pout in his own ways, even if he had never lost poorly to anything that had ever happened during their days at the Guild - at least when it came to their training.

He wasn't certain what made him a sore loser at all, since he was generally too passive to care much about her throwing her weight around. He knew his strengths just as he knew her own, but she was clearly just playing with him to get a rise out of him. He wasn't going to let it work.

"I can hardly be a sore loser when I haven't lost lately," he replied simply, shaking his head and rubbing his shoulder more into the ground to find a comfortable spot to take root in. "If you want to try to best me, we can do that in the morning."

It seemed that he had fallen back into his usual passiveness, which meant that there was little point in continuing teasing him. Perhaps it was time, and she couldn't complain given that he had opened up beforehand. Rolling onto her back, she decided to give him some peace of mind as the gunner pulled Mond from her hip before slipping the belt off of her hip. Placing them neatly off to the side, Elza rolled onto her other side to give him her back instead. He didn't want to move too quickly, and that was something she could respect.

"I don't need to try and best you," Elza murmured as she used her arm as a pillow. Settling into her spot, her eyes remained opened and fixated on the flicker of the flames. "You should get some sleep, Guild Master."

While he generally removed his weapons before he slept, he still didn't trust these lands or the considerable amount of transports roaming the hills. He left his own guns in their holsters attached to his body, but he watched her remove her own gun belt with a familiarity that was eerie in how little it surprised him.

When her back was to him, he waited silently to ponder her comment before sighing to himself. He eased out of his rut and over to where she lay, spooning up behind her and slipped an arm around her waist. He shifted and rubbed and finally eased himself into a comfortable position and then nestled his face into the warmth of the back of her neck. "As should you, Knight," he replied before settling and saying nothing more.

Her gaze only left from the low flames as she felt him shifting towards her back. There was the press of his muscled body up against her back moments before she felt his arm slip around her waist. Subtly glancing back over her shoulder towards him, she didn't say anything and instead settled back against his body as Clive's larger form warmed her back.

Smiling softly to herself, Elza found her gaze dropping back down to the fire when Clive fell silent. She knew that he wouldn't say anything, but that was fine. There was enough to go through her mind as it was, and as her hand came up to cover his own, she silently watched the fire as they began resting.