exsiliumlogs | Other Worlds: V 2.0

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Other Worlds: V 2.0

Date & Time: May 21st, beginning at 0900.
Location: The Initiative Hold and all throughout Elmer's world
Characters: Anyone participating in the fighting, anyone staying behind.
Summary: Elmer's world is fought for and lost.
Warnings: Violence, death.

They reopen the portal at 0900, May 21st. The first scientist who stepped through was killed within thirty seconds; the rest who followed made it back through to Exsilium, albeit not unscathed. The portal was shut again by a panicked operator, although a second operator knew to keep the coordinates locked.

Within ten minutes, the alert had been sent out. There's no time to wait for the Transports to gather en masse; as soon as they have a sizable enough force to stand a chance at fighting through and clearing their gateway's location, the door is opened again.

Immediately inside the door is a desolate, grim scene. What had previously been the coast of Japan is now scorched earth, blasted sand, and little else. As the first point of contact for this world, it has undoubtedly suffered the worst. Here, the UE didn't stop at governments, financial centers, and capitols — the UE destroyed everything in sight. There are enough UE soldiers remaining in the broken country to give the Transports a difficult battle, although by now the bulk of their forces have moved on.

The Initiative will soon realize the necessity of opening more gateways, just as the UE had done. Transports will be deployed to London, Berlin, Paris, DC Washington, Moscow, Beijing, New York City, Hong Kong, Madrid. Through each of these windows, the destruction is staggering. Buildings are more husks than structures, everything that can burn is alight, and the death toll is off the charts. Blackened bodies seem to line every street, while pieces litter the ground among the rubble. There's no doubt that the UE has no need of the people of this world. They're after resources only, and anything and anyone already here is to be removed.

You can find UE soldiers everywhere. They move in coordinated squadrons of 20, and each of them carries a small arsenal. Even without their incredibly advanced and destructive weaponry, they're fearfully formidable. Each soldier, while still only human, is a genetically perfect clone, further enhanced by technological implants. They're all highly trained in physical combat. Even if you can disarm one of them, don't count on close-range attacks being any easier to handle. They've brought along cannons, small flying craft, and lightweight tanks. Each of these is the top of the line in terms of technology, geared toward destroying as much as it can, as quickly as it can. The United Earth is here to destroy, and they won't stop to wonder why their targets go from being civilians and scrambling, off-guard, comparatively primitive militaries, to trained and powered Transports.

For anyone staying at home, they'll find that any Initiative presence has withdrawn fully to the Hold. All Initiative employees are needed, and most of them in the med bays. The majority of the Initiative focus is on recalling and resurrecting fallen Transports, but attention is still needed for the living-but-wounded. Any Transports who stay in Exsilium and offer their help will have it immediately accepted; they'll be put to work in the medical wings, runnings supplies, or simply set at a machine and told to keep an eye on the numbers: Transport vitals, UE movements, and maps upon maps of changing statistics and colors.

At 1500, the Initiative will recall all Transport soldiers back to Exsilium and seal shut the gateway. The UE numbers are too great, their soldiers too powerful, and Elmer's world is lost.

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[Billy exhales loudly, expelling enough air for his shoulders to shake. There's a definite weight hanging over his head, his heart, and he knows Kaworu's on a mission to get to the bottom of it. He wants to sleep, needs to escape, but...

...no, something tells him not to send Kaworu away yet. And maybe he should get this out in the open.]

Fair warning: it's ugly.

[Billy reaches for the buttons on his pajama top. He'd only bothered buttoning three, exhausted as he was, so it's not long before the material slips off his shoulders.

There hadn't been a need for bandages on fully sealed wounds, the reasoning had gone, so every one of Billy's marks is exposed. There's a solid boot-shaped bruise on his abdomen, raised scar tissue dragging from his ribcage to his hip, and another jagged mark across his upper chest, along with a whole score of smaller ones. At least 30% of the skin is the raw pink of newly regenerated tissue.

His back isn't any better. There's an ugly bump near his shoulderblade that was clearly a bullet's doing more slashes, and a larger and redder line across his other shoulder---that's the reopened old wound, and it hurts like hell. Other, smaller indentations litter his back---some more older wounds, the diggings-in of glass, but they're not big enough to cause problems now.

All the while, Billy hangs his head, defeat and shame clear in his posture.]

[Kaworu was expecting something pretty bad, but this is worse than he'd anticipated. Just how many times had Billy already been through what happened today? And with these severe injures... how had he survived before? Did those people keeping custody of him have to bring him back to life, too? Seeing him like this gives Kaworu an intense stab of pity in his heart.

But he hadn't asked to see out of a desire to gawk and fret over him and be fascinated. Such a thing would not be unusual for Kaworu, but that isn't his interest now. Instead, he leans in close to him and slides his arms under his and around his back - being very, very careful not to touch or agitate his wounds. This is what he'd wanted to do when he saw his friend outside, but not knowing where he was hurt made touching him like this too risky.

Very gently, he pulls himself closer, giving him a loose hug. It's so similar to the hug that Billy gave Kaworu a few weeks ago, that it's impossible not to be reminded of it.]

You're not ugly.

[Billy fully expects to be poked and prodded. He's had plenty of that today at the hands of the numerous doctors and nurse he's very grateful for.

And before the nurses, it was the soldiers, being sliced and shot at and slicing and shooting in return. Human contact, in short, has not been very kind to him today. It's almost enough to make him want to hide under the blanket for a good week.

So it's a total shock when the expected probing fingers from Kaworu are instead gentle hands reaching around him for a different reason. Billy stills when Kaworu's arms slip into place on his back, so careful to bring him comfort instead of pain. Billy doesn't even mind that Kaworu's body is cool---the affection when Billy needs it most is warmth enough.

Billy folds his arms around Kaworu's back, drawing as close as he can without making the pain unbearable. It's not the tightest of embraces, but it's solid.

And those words, so intent on easing Billy's fear? They help, even though the weight on Billy's heart isn't entirely about physical ugliness. No, there's more regret and guilt within. But even that small bit of acceptance drives a suspicious burning behind Billy's eyes. His shoulders shake with restrained emotion.]

You're too kind.

[Kaworu shakes his head slightly, although the only way Billy would know in this position would be the slight movement of the rest of his body that came with it. Of course, Kaworu wasn't talking just about phsyical ugliness when he'd said that. Because, deep down, neither was Billy when he gave him that warning.

Kaworu's body is the same temperature as the room, the heat from the shower having dissipated from his body by now. But Billy is so warm in comparison that he feels hot in Kaworu's arms. Tenderly, his fingers follow the ridge of a scar on his back. Billy deserves to be loved. He deserves to be caressed and cherished.]

You want to talk about what happened.

[his voice lacks the firm assertiveness he might usually have when he says things like this - it's more like a guess this time, but a fairly confident one. the words weren't scolding enough to keep him from denying it if he wanted to.]

The other war...it was a lot like that. Worlds ravaged, countless people dying. This wasn't my first time fighting for a world dying in one ruthless massacre.

[Billy closes his eyes to block out the images, concentrating instead on the feeling of Kaworu's gentle touch. That someone would willingly hold him even now has to be some sort of miracle.]

But we were better prepared in that other war. We had our own planes, our own mecha, enough tanks and resources---and it helped that our enemy wasn't as well organized as the UE either.

We couldn't save that world either, but we at least managed to rescue some of its people.

[It's suddenly a little hard to breathe, and the burning in Billy's eyes intensifies, threatening to burst out at any moment.]

Here, I couldn't save them. Well...I made one save, but that was just an exchange of lives.

[Hearing this, Kaworu wants so much to pull him closer, but the risk of hurting his body is too certain. He's so fragile... his body, and his heart. And Billy is on his own - in his head, he's on his own. There is no way for him to fully perceive and understand Kaworu's feelings and interpretations of these things.

Physical contact is one proxy. But, again, he's too damaged for it to help more than hurt. As a substitute for hugging him tighter, Kaworu leans against him gently and rests his chin on his shoulder, the side of his jaw pressing snugly against his neck. He's so warm.]

You feel responsible.

But, you must understand than these events are not your fault. They aren't your doing. And even if they were, your efforts are not meaningless.

I know I didn't bring the UE to that world, but...I've never felt so helpless.

[Billy loses the battle with his tears, and they start to drip down his face.]

Didn't you feel it? Fighting and fighting with all the strength you have, and still it ends in disaster yet again?

[Billy doesn't care about pain at this point. He squeezes Kaworu, murmuring something between a sob and an apology. He hates that he's so weak, he hates feeling this way, and he doesn't want Kaworu to feel it either---no, that's selfish and terrible. He just wants someone to understand.]

[when Billy suddenly clings to him, he tenses, because he knows it must be causing him physical pain. does he need another person this badly, to be subjecting himself to a whole different category of pain to get it? Kaworu's hands have frozen on his back, and he doesn't move. He wants to comfort him... but he can't allow him to grasp him so desperately, with all of these wounds...

He picks his head up from his shoulder and almost pushes him away.]

Stop... this is too much for you. [his voice is above a whisper, but loud enough to be heard over his sobs.] Of course I felt it. But you're hurting yourself...

[finally, his hands move again, palms planting on his back to comfort him.] Cry, but your body... you feel guilty, and you're hurting yourself. I am already here.

[Kaworu's right in the end, of course. Billy's pale with strain when Kaworu pulls back to face him again, the tears obvious now. What had that pain been for? Did he not have enough?]

I'm sorry.

[He lifts a hand to wipe his eyes.]

I guess...irrational as it is, I wanted to feel. If I can feel something, then I can still receive sensory signals, and that means I'm not dead, doesn't it?

[His voice is hurried and higher-pitched than usual, intelligible only through Billy's clear effort to not be overtaken by sobs.]

Dying was like becoming nothing. It's not peaceful like sleeping...at least, it wasn't for me. I felt like I was being ripped away from everything, smothered, like nothing was left.

[He listens to him silently, watching him shiver and wipe his eyes and fight back his tears. Watching Lilim weep is always a bit strange. The emotion is so intense and overwhelming that perhaps there is not much he can say that would have an effect. Of course, he'll try anyway, but they have to be treated differently when they're acting this way.

To start, he has to stay calm in response. The hands on his back soften again, and he strokes his skin with his thumbs.]

Pain isn't all that's left for you, Billy. You may not believe it right now, but it's true. No... surely, there are so many other sensations to go to if you want to feel alive.

[There isn't much he can comment on as far as Billy's issue with dying is concerned. Those things are true, and coming back from death is absolutely abnormal for humans. Not to mention, he has a bit of a different relationship with death as an angel.]

It was just at the forefront today.

[But again, Kaworu's right, and the gentle touches on his back help him clear his head enough to see it. Billy can think of several other strong sensations, and even through the tears he bites the inside of his cheek and looks at Kaworu shyly. If his face wasn't already red from crying, the thoughts in Billy's head at the moment would be making him blush.]

You're right. I'm sorry if I'm being too forward...or too needy, this has to be ridiculous. But can you stay a little longer? Please?

[He hugs Kaworu again, easing into it slowly this time. He spreads his fingers on Kaworu's back, waiting for the emotional tide to recede. It's strange, not feeling a pulse, but he knows that Kaworu's alive and well and right here, doesn't he?]

Edited 2013-05-24 20:42 (UTC)

It's not ridiculous.

[That's better - ease in. There's no need for Billy to overdo anything right now. His body can't handle it, and neither can his mind. He's so hesitant to accept the comfort he wants that he has to apologize for it.

...it's sweet, in a very sad sort of way. Lilim like this bring a smile to his face - not because he takes joy in their misery, or because he doesn't appreciate their feelings, but because they are so inspiring. They are deeply amazing and beautiful creatures.

Kaworu places his hand on the back of Billy's neck and presses him against his shoulder, inviting him to lean against him this time.]

I'll stay all night if you want me to. [It wouldn't surprise him if Billy couldn't sleep or had nightmares until sunrise. In either case, someone should be here.] You can "need" as much as you feel inclined to, Billy.

[Billy's too exhausted to resist, and he doesn't really want to. He rests his forehead on Kaworu's neck, hiding his face in that towel while his tears dry up. His hands are warm and steady on Kaworu's back as he calms himself, the raw pain slowly dulling.

When he lifts his head, hands trailing down to Kaworu's forearms, his eyes are dry. His attention's fully back to Kaworu.]

Am I allowed to need to know how you are? If I can help?

[Kaworu meets his gaze and ponders the question. To know how he is... and help. It is difficult to really answer. Kaworu is simultaneously perfectly fine and unhappy. Billy can help him, and at the same time, it would make no difference at all. There really isn't a way to communicate to Billy the context of Kaworu's experience. Lilim forms are limited in that way, and Kaworu is well aware that it applies to his form, too.

Maybe... just being asked is enough. Having someone who wants to understand. Having someone to listen. That's always why Lilim liked him (and, why they were fraid of him). But it applies in a more muffled way to himself, too, doesn't it?

Kaworu smiles at him, his cheeks turning just a little pink. It's so wonderful being close to others. Needing others.]

...Looking back, it was like I was on auto-pilot. [his smile doesn't go away as he talks about this. somehow, it only gets brighter and more genuine.] We were too late. Too many were already dead. With their strength in numbers, it was obvious we didn't have much to do other than stand in the way for a little while. I just focused on saving who I could.

[Billy nods somberly, his hand slipping down to where his fingertips graze Kaworu's. Yes, he knows that feeling, but he's not nearly as okay with it as Kaworu seems to be. Maybe that will come with time. And Billy slowly arrives at a realization.]

I'll always wish I could be stronger, faster, but...from a distance, they gave us an impossible mission. All I wanted was to save someone, and...I think I spared someone the pain of dying today in my place. It's hardly anything at all, but protecting my friends means a lot to me.

[His shoulders straighten, and there's a flicker of a smile in his serious expression for just a moment. Billy's still mourning, it's clear in his eyes that he's still exhausted, but his will to fight still lives. But back to Kaworu...Billy scoots a little closer, wanting to be in contact again. He offers his hand.]

I didn't know you were a fighter. I was worried.

[Kaworu happily takes his hand. It's not the topic of conversation that's making him happy. The angel doesn't fear death, and the mortality of Lilim is a sad, but universal, reality, as is their tendency to bring early ends to one another.

Rather, it's Billy that's making him smile. Being close to others, needing others...]

I'm not a fighter. All I've been trained to do is pilot an Eva. [he shakes his head.] Aside from that, I have my own abilities, but unlike the other angels, the purpose of my form is not offense.

[at least, not physical offense. Kaworu is not omnipotent and can't guess as to the thoughts of the original Adam and the prophecy that predicted the subsequent angels. If he was born to make any kind of attack, it was a psychological one. Of course, his Lilim body isn't the only way he's distinguished either, being the Angel of Free Will.]

But training and purpose doesn't matter. The circumstances of birth and the past are irrelevant when you choose your own future. When you choose to try to save others instead of fight or stand back.

[Ah, that he understood. The mention of saving others especially. There was a faint twinge in Billy's conscience when he thought about his purpose and his failure to do just that, and he glanced down at his knees, but he understood.]

I was a pilot too. When I first started fighting, that was what I was best at, though I had to learn how to fight on the ground as well.

When I told you before about a team...we were really a team of warriors. I was the weakest link at the beginning, but I trained and became stronger. We were charged with protecting the Earth from invaders who wanted to level it, but we were told to use the minimum possible force. I've tried to uphold that, but my stun grenades and shots weren't enough. I had to kill or be killed, and I did both.

And it wasn't my first time. It was...too easy, once I was desperate enough to end the fight.

[His grip slackens. He looks absolutely nauseated with himself.]

Easy to kill others.

[He strokes Billy's hand with thin, long fingers. Listening to such a guilty confession is not difficult for Kaworu. He'd once had no reservations whatsoever about erasing the entire world's population of humans, after all. But because of his outsider's perspective, accepting Lilim with these thoughts and feelings is easy for him. They are imperfect creatures, limited by the very things that make them so unique and inspiring.]

Fear is a powerful motivator. It easily overrides even the most ethical of individuals. You did not act out of lack of appreciation for the lives you took, but out of appreciation for the lives you were saving and yourself. Do not hate yourself for it.

How can someone be as forgiving as you are?

[His twitching hand relaxes under Kaworu's touch. Billy takes in a shaky breath, then looks him straight in the eye.]

You're right, I want to be a hero, and that was my goal but...I think I'll see this blood on my hands for a long time. Tonight, absolutely.

[He does not relish the idea of going to sleep.]

Being a hero doesn't mean being perfect.

[Kaworu returns the gaze with a solid tranquility. He's not telling Billy that he hasn't done bad things or that he couldn't have done more. He's telling him that what he has done, and who he is, are fine.

The mention of "tonight" makes him shift slightly, as if he is about to get up for some reason.]

Are you tired? You must be. You have to try to sleep. I'll stay here with you, like I said.

But it means I need to act like one.

[Billy releases a tired little sigh, gripping the blanket beneath him.]

Our weapons are supposed to evolve with our needs, right? What I need is a way to stop this madness without having to kill. I just hope I can pull that off.

[He gives Kaworu a dark look]

I don't know if counting sheep will be enough for me.

[Kaworu looks away, a mysterious smile on his face. He's quite convinced that it's within Lilim's nature to kill one another. And at the same time, this attitude... the determination to avoid killing.]

I may not be enough, but I can help. Try to get some rest, and know that I'm here.

[Billy responds by pulling his contact lenses out and tucking them away on the nightstand, then slowly works his way under the sheets. He lies on his side, facing Kaworu's blurred form.]

I'll try.

[He doesn't sound happy about it, but the exhaustion pulls him down very quickly. It's not long before his eyelids feel heavy, much to his dismay.

His voice is a barely audible whisper.]

...thanks.

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Other Worlds: V 2.0

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